* Show me the meaning of being lonely *
小时候 我并没有太多朋友 When I was younger, I didn't have a lot of friends.
签名页
伊莉莎 明年见 伊莉莎
并不是初中的小朋友没有注意到我 It's not that kids in junior high didn't notice me.
他们知道我 They did.
我也不希望 Being butt-ugly
七年级
伊莉莎·杜丽 “最丑霉女”
别人认为我是大丑女 wasn't what I wanted to be noticed for.
我效仿七年级 So I took a lesson
最受欢迎的女孩 from the most popular girl in the 7th grade,
我花了14年来完善自己 It took me 14 years to perfect it.
但现在 我一跃成为网络红人 But now, I was insta-famous.
我一共有263,000个好友 粉丝 I have 263,000 friends, followers...
以及Instagram好友 and insta-quaintances.
* Let me take a selfie *
更不用说同事们对我的爱与尊重 Not to mention the love and respect of my co-workers,
他们被困在经济舱了 who were still stuck in coach.
姐升舱了 各位 Got the upgrade, ladies.
不要羡慕嫉妒恨哟 琳达 Don't be jelly, Linda.
她是咱们公司的吗 Is that one of ours?
伊莉莎·杜丽 Eliza Dooley,
公司业绩最佳的销售代表 没错 our company's best-performing sales rep? Yeah.
她是最佳销售代表 不可能吧 She's our best sales rep? That can't be true.
超短裙的魔力 无人能挡 That's the magic of the miniskirt... no one's immune,
包括法律部的米勒 只是他... including Miller from legal, who happens to be...
结婚了 对吧 Married, isn't he?
她还没意识到这一点 She hasn't picked up on that yet.
她光忙着口红要和丁字裤搭配了 She's been a little too busy making sure her lipstick matches her thong.
你怎么知道她口红和丁字裤事情 How do you know so much about her lipstick and her thong?
我在Instagram上关注了她 I follow her on instagram.
非常美艳 Very classy.
这是早餐吗 What is this, her breakfast?
为什么这一代人要把嘴巴碰过的东西 Why does her generation feel compelled to tweet every item
都发到推特上 包括市场部米勒的… that goes into their mouths, including Miller from marketing's...
-热坚果[蛋蛋] -谢谢 - Warm nuts? - Thanks.
在头等舱就能逃出我的掌心吗 Thought you could escape me in first class?
伊莉莎 等等 Eliza, wait.
我知道 Look, I know it's intimidating
爱上我这样骨盆大的女孩不容易 to fall for a girl with a strong pelvic floor
而且还经常在Facebook主页上显摆 and an advertising presence on her Facebook page...
不不 不是因为这个 No, no. It's not that.
那是因为什么 Then what?
关闭电子设备 系好安全带 Devices off. Seat belts buckled.
他结婚了 He was... married?
发现自己的男友其实并不是男友
必须要发几张动图来平复我的悲伤 And I just needed to gif my way through that.
头晕 恶心 口干舌燥 Nausea, dizziness, a legit case of ham tongue.
不是因为气流 就是自责 It was either the turbulence or grinder's remorse
或者是因为结合了... or a rare combination of the...
真是... That was, uh...
你还好吗 Are you okay?
-能把你的坚果拿开吗 -好 - Can you please move your nuts? - Yep.
结婚了 Married.
你居然结婚了 You're married.
为什么这种破事总发生在我身上 Why does this crap always happen to...
你是不是应该去一趟洗手间 So, hey, maybe you should... head to the bathroom now.
那里应该有马桶 I think they've got a toilet in there.
* One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do *
* Two can be as bad as one *
* It's the loneliest number since the number one *
我分不清哪个更糟 I couldn't tell what sucked more...
在36000英尺的高空出尽洋相 Being drenched in panic pudding at a cruising altitude of 36,000 feet
还是那么多人看到我这样都很开心 or how many people liked seeing me that way.
一切都还好吗 Everything okay in there?
不咋地 Not really.
我的男朋友居然已为人夫 My new boyfriend is someone else's husband.
名牌高跟鞋里全是呕吐物 I barfed all over my Louboutins.
飞机上都是我的同事 The plane is full of my co-workers.
现在我被困在这了 And now I'm stranded in here,
没衣服穿 害怕之极 naked and afraid.
女士 恐怕得请您离开洗手间 Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm gonna need you to vacate the lav.
好 我这就离开 Okay. I'll vacate your lav,
但你能不能至少给我拿一套空姐制服 but can you at least grab me an extra stewardess outfit?
女士 这里不是购物商场 Ma'am, this is not a department store.
没有多余的制服 There are no extra outfits.
卡罗尔·琼 那你告诉我 Carol-June, straight up, now, tell me...
如果你是我 你会怎么做 What would you do if you were me?
* I'll fly like a paper get high like planes *
三条飞机小毯竟能搭配出莎笼小裙风情 It's amazing what you can do with three in-flight blankets tied sarong-style.
* If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name *
* If you come around here I'll make em all day *
* Bonafide hustler making my name *
多年来 我一直在嘲笑互联网上的各种蠢货 I'd spent years laughing... at stupid idiots on the Internet.
而现在 我就是那个蠢货 And now that stupid idiot was me.
电梯等等 等等 Hold the elevator! Hold!
即使是婚姻失去了激情 Even if you are in a passionless marriage,
也不代表就可以出轨啊 it doesn't mean adultery is okay.
知道我现在最没心情听什么吗 Okay, you know what I wasn't in the mood for?
邻居布琳虚伪的说教 A lecture from my hipster-crite neighbor Bryn.
她烂爆了 She's the worst...
她的美甲图案 V型条纹 With her nail art and her chevron stripes
#美甲图案
#V型条纹
#假近视镜
没有度数的近视镜 and her non-prescription prescription glasses
那群喜欢自己动手的闺蜜 and her bffs who love to diy
布琳
西斯托尔
蕾恩
布鲁
艾勒特
自己做 果汁瓶 变花瓶
#自己动手
#发髻
头顶的发髻 还有彼得潘领 and their top knots and Peter Pan collars
#彼得潘领
和斜挎包 and cross body bags.
#斜挎包
真奇怪 她以性感自居 It's weird. She defines herself by her sexuality,
但我却觉得这时她最不吸引人的地方 but I actually think it's the least interesting thing about her.
首先 我跟他进行器官交战的时候 Okay, first of all, I had no idea he was married
并不知道他结婚了 when we engaged in gland-to-gland combat,
其次 and second of all,
我在旅行的时候很容易饥渴 I get super horny when I travel,
这不是我的错 有科学根据的 and that's not my fault... that's science.
我们没有在说你 We weren't talking about you.
我们在讨论《怕飞》这本书 We were discussing "Fear of Flying."
艾瑞卡·容写的 By Erica Jong.
我们都是读书俱乐部的 We're a book club.
我知道 I know that.
你们以为我傻啊 How stupid do you think I am?
我试着给我的朋友发短信 I tried sending an S.O. Text to my own friends
能给我带点姜汁汽水吗
恶 才不 你到底吃了什么
看看有没有人愿意给我带一杯姜汁汽水 to see if anyone would bring me a ginger ale...
我被男朋友甩了 好像还食物中毒了
* When I was a child everybody smiled *
哈哈哈哈 不能更糟
但没人愿意 But no luck.
附近有可以送货的市场吗 Is there a market close to me that delivers?
* Nobody knows me at all *
我找到了五个市场 其中两个离你很近
我找到了五个市场 I found five markets.
* Very late at night and in the morning light *
其中两个离你很近 Two of them are fairly close to you.
* Nobody knows me at all *
当只有Siri愿意挺你时 When Siri is the only person who's there for you...
* And oh when the lights are low *
会让你意识到 It kind of makes you realize
互粉好友并不等于真正的朋友 being friended is not the same thing as having friends.
* Nobody knows me at all *
金德凯制药
第二天 我祈祷着全公司已经忘记了我出的大洋相 The next morning, I was praying the whole company had forgotten about my epic fail...
或者至少把我当作艾莎一样 就随他吧 Or, at the very least, was willing to make like Elsa and "Let it go."
好 大家静一静 All right, everybody, settle down.
安静各位 很好 Bring it home, everybody. Beautiful. Good.
大家都知道公司经历过一些挫折 Now, as you all know, this company took a Major hit
卖得最好的儿童鼻腔喷剂 when our best-selling pediatric nasal spray
因为能引起不好的幻觉而被迫下架 was pulled from the shelves for causing satanic hallucinations.
只是据说能引起幻觉 Ah, allegedly.
据说 没错 "Allegedly" Is right.
不管怎样 产品被召回 更改配方 Nonetheless, the product was recalled and reformulated.
至于能不能赢回市场信任 But whether or not we could regain the market's trust was...
还悬而未决 TBD.
现在 由于有了一个人 But now, thanks to one man,
这事已经板上钉钉了 it's a big, fat "D"!
亨利 好家伙 快来 快 Henry, you loon, get up here! Come on, Henry!
快来 Come on. Yeah!
超爱他 We love this guy.
别怕 我不会非礼你的 Don't worry... I'm not gonna make out with you.
不会非礼你的 I'm not gonna make out with you.
我说谎了 I lied about that.
我看到一篇文章说 You know, I read an article
亚洲男人把亲嘴当成是友谊的体现 that said Asian men are more comfortable kissing on the mouth as a sign of friendship.
并不是 They're not, no. Mm.
好吧 我转给你看看 All right, well, I'll forward it to you.
-谢谢 -写得挺好的 - Thank you. - It's good.
各位 他完成了不可能的任务 Folks, this man did the impossible.
他把一个名誉尽毁的产品 He took a product whose reputation had been badly tarnished
重新包装 and rebranded it
让消费者重新爱上 并信任这个产品 as a product that consumers could once again love and trust.
如果那个马甲男能够重新推广我们的鼻腔喷剂 Okay, if that dude in the vest could remarket our nasal spray,
那他肯定也能把我重新推广一番 he could definitely remarket me.
借一步说话 Take a moment.
我女儿周末婚礼 你来吧 You're, uh, coming to my daughter's wedding this weekend, right?
-肯定不会错过的 先生 -很好 - Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world, sir. - Good. Good.
带个伴 Bring a date.
你总是一个人 有点奇怪 You're always alone. It's kind of weird.
-我不觉得奇怪 -是很奇怪 - I wouldn't call it weird. - It is. It is.
你在我办公室干什么 What are you doing in my office?
我叫伊莉莎 销售部的 I'm Eliza, I work in sales,
我最近发现我直觉很烂 and it recently came to my attention that I have poor instincts,
肠胃不好 没有朋友 还有… a weak stomach, no real friends, and...
性道德散漫 Loose sexual morals?
我们见过吗 Have we met?
恐怕我要请你离开了 慢走不送 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
不 恐怕 I'm afraid.
你不答应帮我 我就不走 I'm not leaving until you say you'll help me.
可你已经无药可救了 But you can't be helped.
你沉迷于那些你称为"好友" You are addicted to the instant gratification
但其实只是陌生人对你的谄媚 of unearned adulation from a group of perfect strangers
给你带来的本能的满足 you insist on referring to as your "Friends."
我们的鼻腔喷剂能引起幻觉 Our nasal spray caused satanic hallucinations,
你都搞定了 and you fixed that.
拜托 我只是想改变形象 Come on. I just want to change my image.
你是说成为更好的人 You mean be a better person?
那样也行 Or that.
我并不是想说这些来博取同情 Look, I'm not trying to, like, tug at your heartstrings or whatever,
但我真的吐得很厉害 but I threw up really hard.
不知道你们有没有像那样吐过 #挣扎 And I don't know if you have ever thrown up that hard... #thestruggle.
但这真的让我觉得 But it really makes you think.
觉得什么 Makes you think what?
我真是迫不及待想知道呢 I'm genuinely dying to know.
我难受时 没有人打电话过来问候 When I was sick, not one person called to see if I was okay,
我不知道为什么 and I don't know why.
人们以前恨我 因为我丑 People used to hate me because I was butt.
但现在我不丑了 But I'm not butt anymore.
伊莉莎 你肯定知道 Look. Eliza, I'm sure you're aware
人是有可能外表美丽 但是 it is possible to be beautiful on the outside and still...
内心丑恶 butt on the inside.
比如格温妮丝·帕特洛[演员] Like Gwyneth Paltrow.
好吧 你还是走吧 Okay, you need to go.
别 别啊 No. Come on, please.
我知道你不喜欢我 Look, I know. I know you don't like me.
但如果你不喜欢我 But if you don't like me,
那就改造我吧 then just change me.
改造我吧 Just change me.
拜托拜托 Please.
我的确不喜欢你 I don't like you.
但我可以改造你 But I can change you.
改换包装 I could change your packaging...
更改配方 Alter your formula.
让你变得清新淡雅 If I just... soften your palette,
提升品位 improve your taste
我可以把一个讨厌无趣的 I can transform you from a... vapid...
社交控自恋狂 despised social-media-obsessed narcissist
改造成高贵优雅的窈窕淑女 into a valued and respected woman of stature.
亲吻韩国人:绿灯 作者 马特·史密斯[神秘博士演员]
就像琳达一样 Like Linda.
只不过要比她好看 Only prettier.
第二天 我们直接开工 The next day, we got right to work.
你需要赢取信任 I'll need your implicit trust.
也就是说 不论我怎么说你都得照做 That means you do anything and everything I say,
即使有些听起来不太正统 even if it seems unorthodox.
没问题 别搞后面就行 Totally, just no backdoor stuff.
好吧 过来 Okay, that... that's... come here.
那是另外一回事 That's another thing...
你肯定是误把我对你的专业兴趣 you mustn't misinterpret my professional interest
当成了浪漫性趣 as romantic interest
我告诉你 我对你没性趣 because, I assure you, there isn't any.
明白了 Oh, got it. Got it.
我们只是朋友而已 We're just friends.
我们不是朋友 We're not... we're not friends.
而且你要承认这点 这对我很重要 And it's important to me that you acknowledge that.
好 我们不是朋友 你是个基佬 Fine. We're not friends, and you're a gay dude.
我不是基佬 I'm... I am not a gay dude.
像平常一样开始你的一天吧 Just go about your day as you normally would.
-早上好 你好吗 -我的天呐 - Good morning. How are you? - Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
12楼的那个秃头在电梯里放了个大臭屁 That bald dude from the 12th floor took total fart blanche in the elevator,
如果你闻到什么味 so if you catch a whiff of something,
是他不是我 233 it's residual him... not me. LOL.
-我能说几句吗 -好 - May I point something out? - Yeah.
你每天都跟伊莉莎打招呼对吗 Every day, you greet Eliza, do you not?
是的 我跟每个人都问好 I sure do. I check in with everybody.
你在这工作的时间里 And in the entire time that you've worked here,
伊莉莎有没有问过你怎么样 has Eliza ever once asked how you are doing?
你了解这个女人吗 You know the first thing about this woman?
你知道她叫什么吗 Do you, uh... Do you even know her name?
夏莫妮卡 Charmonique.
-夏末妮... -是夏莫妮卡 - Charmon... - Charmonique.
后面是莫妮卡 但前面有个夏 Like "Monique," but with a "Char."
但是 容我辩解一句 Okay, but, in my defense,
根本没这种名字好吧 that's not a real name.
第一课 Lesson number one...
每天早上你经过夏莫妮卡时 Each and every morning as you pass by Charmonique's desk,
都要跟她问好 I want you to ask how she's doing.
-我先走了 -从今天开始 - Donezo. - Let's start now.
好吧 Okay.
张开嘴巴 跟我说 Open your lips and repeat after me...
你好吗 How are you?
好...吧 Go-o-o-od.
可以的话还要接着问一个问题 Then, if you will, a follow-up question...
比如 你昨晚睡得怎么样 For example, "How'd you sleep last night?"
说实话 一点都不好 You know what? Not great.
那是因为我九岁的孩子跟我一起睡 But that's because I had my 9-year-old in bed with me.
听到了吗 放下手机 Did you hear that? Put the phone down.
别玩手机了 Off your phone.
夏莫妮卡跟他儿子昨晚睡得不好 Apparently, Charmonique and her son didn't sleep well last night.
现在轮到你说些同情的话了 Now it's your turn to say something sympathetic.
我没有孩子 真是太好了 I'm really glad I don't have kids.
不要喝出声 我们在愉快地谈话 You're not slurping. We're making pleasant conversation.
也不要 玩手机了 We are not... on our phones.
我们要看着彼此的眼睛 We are looking into each other's eyes
把注意力完全集中到对方身上 and giving one another our undivided attention.
很好 Good.
下面我需要你 I'd like you to answer these questions
尽可能诚实地回答以下问题 as honestly as you possibly can.
你在生活中最享受的东西是什么 "The thing I'm most soothed by in life is..."
细雨打到窗户上的声音 The sound of gentle rain against windows
或者是中雨打在屋顶上 雨水从沟槽里流下 or medium rain against rooftop with overspill from gutters.
我手机上有个模拟下雨的应用呢 I have a rain app on my phone.
太可悲了 还是快删了吧 That's pathetic. Please delete it.
反正又不花钱 It's free.
最让你困惑的事物是什么 "The thing I'm most confused by is..."
加大号紧身裤 Plus-size skinny jeans.
存在的意义是什么 It's like, why?
好吧 下课了 Okay. Class dismissed.
等等 等一下 差点忘了 Uh, wait. Wait. I almost forgot.
我给你布置作业 I'm giving you an assignment.
山姆·萨珀斯坦的女儿要结婚了 Sam Saperstein's daughter is getting married,
我想让你跟我一起去参加婚礼 and I'd like you to attend the event with me.
把这个记下来 Write this down.
好了 Okay.
脸上妆容必须淡 衣物太紧不要穿 Makeup should be light, your dress less tight.
优雅秀发惹人爱 面部线条要柔软 Hair should be tame, your face softly framed.
鞋跟莫要恨天高 沟沟千万不要露 No 6-inch heels, no cleavage revealed.
物品不能太低廉 污迹斑斑不美观 Nothing coarse, nothing sleazy,
小小披肩带身边 小风嗖嗖不受寒 and bring a wrap in case it's breezy.
我的信用卡刷爆了 自己的衣服又都太风骚 With my credit cards maxed and my own clothes too slutty,
我没办法只有找朋友求助了 I had no choice other than to ask a friend for help.
但是我认识的其他女孩不是喝多了就是在健身 But all the girls I knew were either drunk or at soulcycle,
-那就只剩下... -电梯等等 - which left... - Hold the elevator!
布琳了 Bryn.
布琳 我完蛋了 Bryn, I am so screwed.
我得去参加同事的婚礼 I have this work wedding,
可是自己没有合适的衣服穿 and I don't have anything appropriate to wear.
如果你帮我的话 And if you help me,
我发誓以后再也不向物业 I swear will never anonymously complain to management
匿名投诉你们的读书俱乐部了 about your book club again.
我就知道是你干的 I knew that was you!
幸好我这个人最爱帮人大改造 You are lucky "Make-unders" are my everything.
快进来 Come in. Come in.
这件桃红色怎么样 How about the peach one?
我喜欢这件桃色的 Oh, yeah, I love the peach one,
可是胸部会不会太紧了 but it might be small in the bust.
你是指这个吗 没事 都是假的 Oh, because of these? Oh, no, these aren't real.
可后面好像还是有点紧 Still, it might be tight in the rear.
是因为这个吗 Oh, because of this?
没事 这也是假的 Oh, no, this isn't real.
好了 这下应该行了 Okay. We might be in business now.
坐下 Take a seat.
你打算自己... 弄妆发吗 Were you planning on doing your own hair and makeup?
我觉得你自己弄可不好 Because I don't think that's a good idea.
看着蕾恩整理 As Wren cleaned out the litter box of my cat
我半年前死去猫咪的猫砂盒 who died six months ago
艾勒特把我的剩饭扔进垃圾袋 and Eyelet dumped my old lo mein into the trash,
我不禁想 I had to wonder...
朋友就是这样照顾彼此的吗 is this what friends do for each other?
* Rah-rah-rah-ah-ah *
* Rom mar rom ma mah *
* Ga Ga-oo-la-la *
* Want your bad romance *
* I want your love and I want your revenge *
* You and me could write a Bad Romance *
* I want your love and I want your revenge *
这些姑娘们真的知道怎么做准备 These girls really know how to get ready.
* You and me could write a Bad Romance *
你真是... You are...
喷了超多香水啊 wearing an enormous amount of fragrance.
你就不能说句好听的吗 Can't you say anything nice?
如果你的香水再淡一些的话... Well, had you employed a lighter touch...
算了 Never mind.
等我拿上世界最小迷你包然后出发吧 Let me just grab the tiniest purse known to man, and then we can go.
你绝对不想知道我把手机藏哪了 You don't even want to know where I had to stash my phone.
不要带手机 No phones.
不要在婚礼上自拍 No... no... no wedding selfies.
今天你要关注除了自己之外的美 Today's about focusing on a beauty other than your own.
有什么好笑的吗 Is there something funny?
你刚才说我美 You just called me beautiful.
-才没有 -间接说的 - I absolutely didn't. - You indirectly did.
亨利 你身边的这位美女是谁啊 Henry, who is this beautiful girl on your arm?
这位是伊莉莎·杜丽 Sir, this is Eliza Dooley.
是我们公司销售部的 She works in sales.
伊莉莎·杜丽 Eliza Dooley.
伊莉莎 你... 真是太美了 Eliza, you... you, uh... you look amazing.
是吧 Right?
-说谢谢 -谢谢 - "Thank you." - Thank you.
-你们好吗 -你们好吗 - "How are you?" - How are you?
-好啊 -好啊 - Good! - Good!
莫琳的誓词 And now, in lieu of vows,
是要给泰伦斯朗诵一首自己写的诗 Maureen will recite a poem she wrote for Terrance.
我是熊熊烈火 君如火花闪烁 If I'm the fire, you're the spark.
我是树上之巢 君如云雀恋窝 If I'm the nest, you're my lark.
我是心中一把锁 待君慢慢打开我 If I'm the lock, you're the key.
虎克船长迎风浪 君若史密伴身旁 If I am Hook, you are Smee.
-她刚才说的是"史密"吗 -应该是的 - Did she say "Smee"? - Yes, I believe so.
我是眼睛凝望 君之泪水光芒 If I'm the eye, you're the tear.
百吉饼儿喷喷香 君乃糖衣增芬芳 If I am bagel, you're my schmear.
我在黑暗陷绝望 君如灯火照前方 If I'm the dark, you're the light.
听到莫琳朗诵这疯狂的誓词 As I listened to Maureen recite those crazy vows,
我突然意识到 it hit me...
虽然可能有成千上万人转发我的推特给我点赞 I might get thousands of likes and retweets and favorites,
但是绝对不会有人 but it's entirely possible that no one will ever look at me
像泰伦斯看她一样看我 the way Terrance was looking at her.
所以我就像往常一样 So I did what I have always done
做了可以分散我注意力的事 when I needed to distract myself from my feelings.
你 泰伦斯 Do you, Terrance, take Maureen
愿意取莫琳做你的合法妻子吗 to be your lawful wedded wife,
永结... to have and to ho...
不好意思 我以为静音了 Sorry. Thought it was on silent.
我不习惯长时间专心看什么无聊的事情好吗 I'm not used to paying attention to super-boring long stuff, okay?
不 这样不好 No, it's not okay.
你丢的不是你一个人的脸 It's not just yourself you embarrassed.
-我明确说了不要玩手机 -好吧好吧 天啊 - I specifically said no phones. - Okay, okay! God.
你以前就没犯过错吗 Haven't you ever made a mistake before?!
-有啊 我同意帮你就是个错误 -是吗 - Yeah, I have when I agreed to help you. - Oh, really?
到底是我帮你还是你帮我 Are you helping me, or am I helping you?
别以为我没发现你需要个女伴来参加婚礼 Don't think I didn't notice you didn't have a date for this event.
说实话 世界上任何一个其他人 And literally anyone else in the world
都比你强多了 would have been a better choice.
那你是承认咯 So you admit it.
没人陪你来我才不奇怪 And it's no surprise you don't have a date,
因为你没聊到家了 because you are an unfun man.
"没聊"不是个词 "Unfun" is not a word.
根据你前女友的博客 And according to your ex-girlfriend's blog,
就是这样她才跟你分手的 that's why she broke up with you, so...
我前女友 My ex-girlfriend?
你百度我了吗 你竟敢百度我 Did you Google me? Don't you dare Google me!
我不过是确认一下我已经知道的事 I was just confirming what I already know...
你就是个狂妄自大 You're a holier-than-thou,
心存偏见 过于苛刻 只会工作的 judgmental, hypercritical, workaholic...
自大狂 Coxcomb!
我是个自大狂吗 Oh, I'm a coxcomb?
而你呢 亲爱的 就是一事无成 Well, you, my dear, are a lost cause.
真刻薄 Super mean!
第二天 我决定不去交际了 The next day, I decided I was done socializing
重回社交网络 and back to social networking
别老盯着手机了 老妹 You need to get off that phone, girl.
晚安 再见 You have a good night, now.
你是夏莫妮卡的孩子吗 You Charmonique's kid?
你今晚会让她好好睡觉吗 You gonna let her get some sleep tonight?
-不 -不 为什么 - No. - No? Why not?
等等 OK, hold up.
没看错吧 你这是在关心他人吗 Did I just catch you showing interest to somebody other than yourself?
好像是啊 I think you did.
不管你在跟他干什么 Well, whatever you're doing with Mr. Man,
确实管用 it's working.
亨利 Henry?
我能看到你 I can see you.
你住在玻璃房子里 You live in a glass house.
亨利 Henry!
我并不是一事无成 I'm not a lost cause.
你对我做的事 起作用了 What you're doing with me... it's working.
-我发誓 -恭喜 - I swear. - Congratulations.
我需要你 I need you.
拜托别放弃我 Please don't give up on me.
还有好多事情要做呢 There's so much work left to do.
我所有的朋友名字前面都有个@ I mmean...All my friends' names start with symbols
我的新闻都是从聚合上看的 I got all my news from Buzzfeed.
我在Uber上是负分 也从去当过陪审员 I have negative Uber ratings, and I have never ever shown up for jury duty.
我几乎不给我妈妈打电话 I rarely call my mother.
我玩手机不是因为无聊 I wasn't on my phone because I was bored.
-是因为婚礼让我很有感触 -感触 - That wedding gave me feels, and... - "Feels."
那让我很害怕 And that scared me,
结果我还那样吼你 说你是自大狂 and I... I lashed out and I called you a coxcomb,
这个词是不是也没这个用法 which was probably an incorrect use of the word.
不 之前那个我也查过了 是个古词 No. Uh, I looked it up. It's archaic,
不过你用得挺准确 but it's dead on.
好吧 Okay.
听起来你像是在跟我道歉啊 Sounded a little bit like an apology.
我原谅你了 I totally forgive you.
而且... And...
我也很抱歉 I'm sorry, too.
很好 Very good.
看 Look.
中雨打在屋顶上 雨水从沟槽里流出 Medium rainfall on roof with gentle overspill from gutters...
这不是你最喜欢的吗 It's your favorite.
伊莉莎 别拍 Eliza, don't.
你以为拍照能捕捉当下美好 You think that you're getting it...
但其实却是正在错过它 But you are, in fact, missing it.
是吗 那你要教我把握当下吗 Yeah? So you're gonna show me how to get it?
不 不行 No. No, sir.
你这种语气可不行 Not when you say it like that.
-怎么了 -为什么你非要说得那么挑逗 - What? - Why did you have to make it so luring?
-才没有 -就是有 - I didn't. - You did.
这一点我们也要努力改掉 That's another thing we need to work on.
你不用把所有事都搞得很性感 You shouldn't feel compelled to make everthing so sexual.
你也别老是这么死板 You shouldn't be so uptight.
我不是死板 我只是很正式 有区别的好么 I'm not uptight. I'm formal. There's a difference.