对于又老又无聊的人 社交媒体很难懂 Social media can be confusing if you're super old and dumb.
你的脸跟我脚趾里的垃圾一样丑
这条为什么要点赞 她说你丑 Why did you just favorite that tweet? She called you ugly.
因为她黑我 Because she's a hater.
我爱黑我的人 黑黑能更红 I love my haters. They make me famous.
你可不红 You're not famous.
推特世界里我就很红 I am in the twitterverse.
明白了 I see.
对你来说最赞的事就是别人贬低你的外貌 And your favorite thing is when people insult your looks?
并不是我认为最赞的事 Well, it's not my favorite thing.
那你还点赞 Yet, you're favorited it.
别人黑你 你还点赞 说明它伤不到你 Favoriting an insult is a way of showing it doesn't hurt you.
但应该伤到你的呀 But it should hurt you.
如果我还是奇丑无比的话 也许会 And maybe if I was still ugly, it would.
网上有人黑 证明你成功了 Having haters online means that you made it.
好吧 但现实生活中有人黑 Okay, but having haters in real life
说明人们真的恨你 means that people hate you.
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翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
时间轴 Poxle 念念
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
再造淑女
第一季 第二集
不好意思 你们看到她穿的啥了吗 I'm sorry, but did you see what she was wearing?
我的棉内裤都遮得比她多 I have cotton briefs that cover more.
不敢相信人力竟然没说她着装不宜办公 I can't believe H.R. hasn't cited her for inappropriate office attire.
拜托 她估计跟人力资源部的人都睡了个遍 Please -- she's probably slept with everyone in H.R.
不然你以为她怎么当上最佳销售代表的 How do you think she got to be the number-one sales rep?
笑死我了 You're killing me!
有那么搞笑吗 Can't be that funny.
它说 嘿 小地瓜 我盯上你了 It's like, "Hey, there, sweet potato. I'm on to you.
你又不是薯条 "You're not a french fry,
别总跟我的汉堡一起出现 stop showing up with my burger."
你太搞笑了 你应该当总统 You're hilarious. You should be President.
伊莉莎 能到我办公室来谈谈吗 Eliza, may I speak with you for a moment in my office?
-查理 有电话别转给我 -没人打电话 - Charlie, hold my calls. - Uh, no one called.
很好 就保持这样的状态 Good. Let's keep it that way.
我无法控制谁会打来电话 I can't control who calls the office.
查理 我求你了 Charlie, I beg.
好吧 Okay.
你在那跟商务部的家伙干啥呢 What do you think you were doing out there with that guy from Business Affairs?
你... What --
男人讲笑话的时候喜欢你给他捧场 Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes
也喜欢你让他们觉得自己很强大 and make them feel powerful.
总统 就凭他还当总统 President -- like that guy could be President.
你说得对 天呐 你真聪明 You're right. Oh, God, you're so smart.
你应该去最高法院 You know, you should be on the Supreme Court.
我的确觉得自己公正秉直... Well, I do consider myself fair and impart--
这招对我没用 That is not gonna work on me.
既然说到这了 你觉得这些紧紧裤 And while we're at it, do you think that these tight tights
吊吊带和高跟跟 and those short shorts and those high high heels
穿着办公合适吗 are appropriate office attire?
你这口气就像是琼恩和小丑乐队的伪粉 You sound like Joan and the Fuggalos.
伊莉莎 这里不是推特的世界 Eliza, this isn't the twitterverse.
你必须想想办公室里别人对你的看法 You have to think about how you are perceived in this office.
不对 我应该想想办公室之外的人对我的看法 No, I have to think about how I'm perceived outside this office,
那就是火辣性感 which is hot,
这样有助于我卖药给那些压抑的老医生 which is what helps me sell drugs to repressed, old doctors,
所以我才能成为最佳销售代表 which is how I got to be the number-one sales rep.
这样人们会有误会的 Well, people are gonna get the wrong impression.
你穿成这样 又这样搔首弄姿 When you dress like this and you act like this...
人们会认为 ...people are gonna assume
你跟地瓜总统有一腿 that you're sleeping with President Sweet Potato.
确实有一腿啊 I am sleeping with him.
我一直都跟他上床 I sleep with him all the time.
什么时候开始的 Since when?
我查查 Let me check.
找到了 Oh, here.
你比我的笔记本电脑 底座还火热
弗雷迪的第一条短信 First text from Freddy --
你比我的笔记本电脑底座还火热 "You are hotter than the bottom of my laptop" --
两周半之前 2 1/2 weeks ago.
两周半 你们就开始亲热了 2 -- 2 1/2 weeks ago, and you're already intimate?
亲热 "Intimate"?
老年人这么说"上床"吗 Is that how old people say "Sex"?
才不 是的 No. Yes.
伊莉莎 我才认识你几天 Eliza, this is your second office relationship
这就已经是你的第二段办公室恋情了 in the short time that I've known you.
我说的还不是严格意义上的"恋情" And I use the word "relationship" very loosely.
不要因为你不懂我们这代人 Okay, don't get all slut-shamey on me
就想要说我风骚可耻 just 'cause you don't get my generation.
1946-1964年出生的人
我们对于性 要比你们婴儿潮时期出生的人 It just so happens we're a lot more cas about sex
随意多了 than you baby boomers.
我才不是婴儿潮时期出生的 I'm not a -- I'm not a baby boomer.
你就是 Yes, you are.
X一代大致出生于1965-1980年
我妥妥的属于X一代 I fall squarely within the parameters of Generation "X,"
非常感谢 thank you very much.
可是亨利 在这一点上 But, Henry, this is one area
我不确定你可以给我建议 where I'm not sure you should be advising me --
你已经跟时代失去联系[触摸]了 I mean, you're so out of touch,
连脸书都不上 you're not even on Facebook.
我宁愿落伍 Hey, I'd rather be out of touch
也不愿意见着活人就去摸 than touching everything that walks.
看到没 See?
你说笑话女生不笑的话 挺难受的 It hurts when girls don't laugh at your jokes.
伊莉莎 你让我帮你建立良好的人际关系 Eliza, you -- you asked me to help you cultivate meaningful relationships.
你跟弗雷迪之间是这样吗 Is that what you think you're doing with Freddy?
有可能哦 Could be.
你们会一起计划未来吗 Do you two ever make advance plans?
算有吧 Kind of.
约吗
你跟弗雷迪真正约会过吗 Have you and Freddy ever been on an actual date?
基本上有吧 Basically.
约吗
拜托 伊莉莎 Come on, Eliza.
你跟弗雷迪一起出去过吗 Have you and Freddy even been outside together?
大部分时间是的 For the most part.
他家露天阳台算吗 Does his wraparound terrace count?
我不想告诉你真相 但我还是要说 I hate to break it to you, but I'm gonna.
演员 演过电影Booty Call《保险套惹的祸》
你就是杰米·福克斯和我们这一代人 You are what Jamie Foxx and other men of my generation
所称的"炮友" refer to as a booty call.
如果你继续这样下去 And if your behavior persists,
那你就永远如此了 that is all you will ever be.
管他呢 Whatevs.
如果我想要更多 我完全可以更进一步 If I wanted more, there could totally be more.
可事实是 我并不确定 But the truth is, I wasn't so sure,
所以我决定在弗雷迪跟我"深入沟通"后 so I decided to feel Freddy out
跟他进行深入沟通 after he was done feeling me up.
谢谢
不客气 Welcome.
你觉得我们之间的关系如何 Hey, uh, what do you think of our relation thingy?
谢谢
棒极了 I think it's awesome.
我的"地瓜"推特收到了几个赞 How many favorites my "Sweet potato" tweet got?
六个 Six.
说真的 你有没有想过 But seriously, would you ever want to, like,
我们一起 去外面 go outside... with me?
还真没想过 Hmm. Never really thought about it.
我还是喜欢咱们在室内的活动吧 Guess I, uh, kind of like what we have inside.
要不要来个事后自拍 Want to take an after-sex pic?
好 Sure.
滴耳剂 Eardrops.
滴耳不滴泪 Hear-drops. No more teardrops with eardrops.
恐惧无所谓 Don't fear drops.
双耳不再累 疼痛随风飞 The ear pops. The pain stops.
先生 Sir?
我爸妈来了 Uh, my parents are in town.
查理 你害我又回到起点了 Charlie, it's back to square one now.
我听不到自己的声音 满脑子都是你的声音 I don't hear my voice -- I only hear your voice.
这玩意能叫"我爸妈来了"滴液吗 Should we just these "My parents are in town" drops?
这名字听起来很好吗 Does that sound like a good name?
开玩笑的 你去吧 Just kidding. You can go now.
但你真的扰乱了我的思绪 But you really did ruin my train of thought.
好吧 Okay.
滴耳剂 Eardrops.
恐惧... F--
你还在这干啥呢 What are you still doing here?
我这在工作呢 Here? Work. I'm working.
你来做什么 What are you doing here?
我们在实验室里为派对热身 Oh, well, we are pre-partying down in the lab.
你今晚来吗 You coming tonight?
IT部的莎伦今天过生日 It's Sharon from I.T.'s birthday.
不去了 我还有工作 Oh. Uh, no, I got work to do --
再说 我跟莎伦不怎么熟 她没邀请我 Plus, uh, I don't really know Sharon, so I wasn't invited.
谁都不认识莎伦 Nobody knows Sharon.
她只是个概念而已 She's just an idea.
抱歉 我也是醉了 I'm sorry. I am really drunk.
大家都认识莎伦 Um, everybody knows Sharon,
她在脸书上发了邀请 and she sent out a Facebook invite.
我不上脸书 Oh. I'm not on Facebook.
等等 那你怎么知道哪个高中同学长残了 Wait. How do you know who from high school's gotten ugly?
你就这样 丝毫不知道谁长残了吗 You're just walking around, not knowing who's ugly?
我是有所怀疑 I-I have my suspicions.
你们知道吗 亨利居然不玩脸书 Henry's not on Facebook. You know that?
-什么 -我有用领英 - What?! - I'm on -- I'm on LinkedIn!
你给他们说我上领英网了吗 Did you tell them I'm on LinkedIn?
-越抹越黑 -不 - Oh, don't make it worse. - No.
-别解释 -我有领英账号的 - No. - I have a LinkedIn profi--
好吧 好吧 All right. Fine.
看看谁长残了 Let's see who got ugly.
夏令营的臭臭特里大翻身了啊 Smelly Terry from camp really turned it around.
那是他老婆吗 Is that his wife?
老天 她好像船展模特啊 My God! She looks like a boat-show model.
可能是因为她站在船上面吧 Maybe 'cause she's standing on a boat.
臭臭特里居然有船 Mm. Smelly Terry has a boat.
老天 Geez.
珍妮·希格斯 0位共同好友
第一个好友是老妈 简直是人生重演 My first friend is my mom, just like in life.
脸书 着实有趣 而且并不需要劳神费心 Facebook -- mildly entertaining, certainly not all-consuming.
安德里亚·林恩 上传了一段视频
请选择贱女人语录
你是《权利的游戏》里的哪个人物
我是酷妈
珊莎·史塔克
你是...
耶 我一直都这么认为 Yes! I've always felt that.
好吧 你是对的 Okay, you were right.
弗雷迪不想跟我一起出去 Freddy doesn't want to go outside with me.
他只喜欢我们在室内的活动 He just likes what we have inside,
也就是说 你和杰米·福克斯说的没错 which means you and Jamie Foxx have a point.
你还好吗 Are you okay?
还好 昨晚熬夜工作来着 Mm. Yes. I was just up all night working --
在工作场所 做工作 Here at work, on work stuff.
快来做做我的工作 Well, work on me.
我是不是应该 Should I be trying
让弗雷迪更加严肃对待我们的关系 to get Freddy to take me more seriously or whatever?
我对现在的炮友状态没什么意见 I mean, I'm fine with the booty-call status for now,
但有时 我也想当第一夫人呀 你懂吗 but at some point, I'm gonna want to be first lady, you know?
地瓜总统的第一夫人吗 To President Sweet Potato?
不一定 Not necessarily.
我只是想让他知道 选举投票名单上有我 I just want to know that I'm on the ballot.
第一夫人不用投票 First ladies aren't on the ballot.
那么 能被提名我很荣幸 Well, it's just an honor to be nominated.
天呐 如果你是认真的 Oh, God. If you're serious,
他下次再发"咋样"[约吗] 你就不要回 stop responding when he texts, "'sup?"
如果他想知道你咋样了 If he wants to know 'sup,
他可以走到你桌前 说出完整的句子 he can stop by your desk and form a full sentence.
欧... Totes.
欧克 --ally.
约吗
不行 No.
他得知道我咋样了 He needs to know 'sup.
不行 No.
拍给我老妈看的 我发誓 That was for my mom, I swear.
你得打破恶性循环 You have to break the cycle.
如果你继续跟他短信聊骚 这么咬笔的话 Freddy will never see you any differently
弗雷迪永远不会对你另眼相看的 if you keep sexting and sucking on pens --
你这么咬着笔干啥 What are you doing sucking on that pen like that?
那玩意有毒 That is toxic.
不好意思 Sorry.
我还以为弗雷迪在朝这看呢 I thought Freddy was looking over here.
我要说的就是这个 That's exactly what I'm talking about --
你不能总是围着弗雷迪转 Not everything you do should center around Freddy.
应该去培养些其他兴趣 You have to foster other interests,
想点别的事 think about other things.
你们好上之前你都做什么 What were you doing before you two got together?
我好像在做... Oh, um, I-I think I was doing...
跟特洛伊做 Troy?
老天 Oh, God.
你得变成那种 You need to become the kind of person
不会一直想着两性之事的人 who doesn't spend all her time thinking about the opposite sex.
所以要变拉拉吗 So, like, a lesbian?
不是 要成为一个有多种兴趣的人 No. Just a person with varied interests.
什么兴趣 能说明白点么 Oh. Like, what interests? Can you be more specific?
任何兴趣都行 Like, any interests --
科学 政治 木工 书籍 自然 Science, politics, woodworking, books, nature --
只要别老想着男人就行 Literally anything besides fixating on men.
找个爱好 参加个俱乐部 Find a hobby. Join a club.
我知道从哪开始 I knew just where to start --
找邻居布琳 她有一个大龄处女的读书俱乐部 With my neighbor Bryn, who ran a book club for adult virgins.
布琳 Bryn?
好久不见了呀 Girl, I haven't seen you in forevs.
昨天我还在邮箱那见到你了 I saw you at the mailboxes yesterday.
你把维秘购物目录全扔到地上了 You dropped all your Victoria's Secret catalogs on the floor,
明明旁边就有一个可回收垃圾箱 even though there's a recycling bin right there.
你咋没跟我打招呼呢 You should have said hi.
我一直在惦记着你们 So, I've been thinking a lot about you
你们的兴趣爱好 and your interests and your hobbies,
真奇怪我们居然没有走得更近 and it's weird we aren't closer,
毕竟我们有很多相同点呀 given how much we have in common.
谁跟谁有相同点 How much who has in common?
咱们呀 You and I.
比如 你们在读的这本书 Like, that book you're reading,
《深夜小狗神秘事件》 "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time"
我也在读呢 I'm reading that, too.
-你也读 -对呀 - You're reading? - Yeah.
是呀 有小狗 Yeah, with the dog
在深夜 很神秘 and the night-time and the curiosity
还有小狗发生的神秘事件 and, like, the incident and the dog of it all.
有空的话 我很乐意更深入地谈谈 I'd love to talk way more about it sometime.
-真的吗 -是啊 - You would? - Yeah.
我有好多事你们都不知道呢 There's a lot of stuff you guys don't know about me.
你意下如何 布琳 What do you think, Bryn?
以前还没人主动申请加入你的读书俱乐部呢 No one's ever asked to be in your book club before.
明晚八点来我家 Be at my place tomorrow night, 8:00 p.m.
天呐 谢谢 Oh, my God. Thank you.
我一定准时去 I will definitely be there
不会去跟别人乱搞的 instead of having sex with someone.
-谢谢 -客气 - Thanks. - Okay.
这边我拿起书来读 While I was picking up a book,
而那边亨利正在努力抗拒着 Henry was trying to resist the one book
一本一看就停不下来的书 that's impossible to put down.
他现在发现了一件 He was figuring out what every grandmother
所有老奶奶四年前就发现的事 had figured out four years ago --
脸书似毒品 Facebook is crack.
贝司音量加大 Go on and turn up that bass-line selector!
搞什么 查理 去棕榈泉假装说人家的方言 Really, Charlie? Palm Springs with a fake patois?
俺知道乃父母米有来 Me know your parents not in town.
亨利 我们在视频哎 Henry? We're FaceTime'ing.
是啊 谁说不是呢 Oh, yeah, how about that?
我是想告诉你 我听取了你的建议 Um, so I just wanted you to know that I took your advice,
加入了一个读书俱乐部 and I joined a book club.
我现在正在救世军商店 I'm at the Salvation Army right now
寻找读书时候穿的不让人"浮想联翩"的衣服 looking for an asexual ensemble to wear while reading.
你觉得这件怎么样 What do you think of this?
你现在不是应该在看书吗 Shouldn't you be reading the book
而不是去担心看书时 instead of worrying about what to wear
要穿什么衣服 while reading the book?
我都看了八页了 不好看 Well, I'm eight pages in. It's not good.
对了 我忘记跟你说了 Oh, but I forgot to tell you --
我已经一天没搭理弗雷迪了 I haven't responded to Freddy all day,
他昨晚足足给我发了有五次短信 and he texted me like five times last night.
简直饥渴难耐 It's like, desperate much?
我妈为啥老戳我 Why does my mom keep poking me?
我说你... 你是在上脸书吗 Hey, are you -- are you on Facebook right now?
我也听取了你的建议 Okay, so, I might have also taken your advice
稍微上了下脸书 and engaged in some light facebook-ery.
不错嘛 Oh, that is so cute!
瞧瞧你 都学会用台式机上脸书了 Look at you, using Facebook on your desktop
简直像是回到了2011年 like it's 2011 again.
你知道手机上有脸书的应用程序吧 You know there's an App -- right? For your phone.
真的吗 Really?
我的手机 这样多浪费时间 On my phone -- what a waste of time.
玩得开心哦 Well, have fun.
不过记住不要去偷窥你的前任 Just don't start stalking your exes.
这可是一条不归路啊 You don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
下载中
相信我 Trust.
我当然相信...我自己不会那样做的 Oh, I trust... me not to do that.
行了 Okay.
你快去看你的书吧 拜拜 伊莉莎 Well, read your book. Bye, Eliza.
拜... B--
但是已经晚了 But it was too late.
一旦有了偷窥前任的机会 Once the option of stalking your exes is presented,
你就会情不自禁 you can't not do it.
就跟吸毒一样 It's like crack.
好多事都跟吸毒一样会上瘾 真是太诡异了 It's weird how much stuff is like crack.
奥利维亚生宝宝了吗 Olivia had a baby?
怎么回事 What's that?
为什么我的名字...为什么我成了宝宝 Why's my name -- why am I a baby?
搞什么 What?
不不不 No, no, no, no.
不要啊 No. No.
不不不不不 不行 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No.
快撤销 该死 Undo, damn it.
撤销 Undo.
给我撤销啊混蛋 You undo, damn it.
她没有来 She's not.
你们已经开始了吗 Did you guys already start?
我在二手店耽搁了 I got hung up at Goodwill.
你看起来很不错啊 You look amazing.
抱歉我身上一股死人的味道 Sorry if I smell like dead people.
我们都是 We all do.
这样才有古老神秘感 That's how you know it's vintage.
好吧 Okay.
读书俱乐部上不能用手机哦 No cellphones at book club.
请调成静音 Silent, please.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
自制果酱馅饼 Homemade pop-tart?
你自己做的吗 You made these?
其实不难做 It's really not that hard.
只需要标准的酥饼食谱 You just need your standard flaky pastry recipe,
再用双组装加热器做馅儿就行 a double boiler to make the filling.
我自己做的巧克力榛子树莓核桃碎 I did chocolate hazelnut and raspberry minted walnut.
然后还需要有凹槽的刀盘 Then, you know, a fluted cutting wheel,
羊皮纸 当然 还得有烤盘 parchment, and, of course, baking sheets.
但是盖尔森家里有卖啊 But they also have them at Gelson's
有时来爱德店里也有 and sometimes even Rite Aid.
难道这不是重点吗 Or is that not the point?
好了 女士们 我们读书俱乐部现在开始吧 Okay, ladies, let's get this book club started.
下面有请布琳 I'd like to throw it to Bryn.
布琳 Bryn?
首先 我想表达一下 I would like to begin
哈顿对语言的运用 by expressing how struck I remain
对我造成的深深的影响 by Haddon's use of language.
你的书签为什么好像才标到第二页 Why is your bookmark only like two pages in?
这个啊 其实是第八页 Oh, uh, well, actually, it's eight pages in,
所以大家不要剧透哦 so no spoilers.
我就知道她根本没看 I knew she didn't read the book.
把我的果酱馅饼还给我 Give me that pop-tart back.
伊莉莎 Eliza.
现在是"甜心先生"时刻吗 Is this a "Jerry Maguire" moment?
我参加这个读书俱乐部都三年了 I have been in this book club for three years,
她第一次来就遇到了"甜心先生"吗 and she gets a "Jerry Maguire" moment on her first night?
亨利 你来干什么 Uh, Henry, what are you doing here?
是不是有了她你才会完美 Is it that she completes you?
不是 我上脸书时 No, it's that I tagged myself
在前女友喂奶照上不小心圈了自己 as an ex-girlfriend's breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
这里是不是有死人啊 Did somebody die in here?
我们...我... Could we -- can I...
-好 -这里有... - Yeah. - There's a...
我可不想说"我早跟你说了" I don't want to say, "I told you so."
可你确实跟我说了 But you told me so.
好 你满意了吧 There. That's done.
现在 拜托你取消圈人 Now, please, untag me.
好了 Untagged.
谢谢 Thank you!
谢谢你 Thank you.
她可能没看到对吧 Maybe she didn't see it.
不 她肯定看到了 No. Yeah. She definitely saw it.
会有提醒 You get an alert.
提... 还有提醒 An ale-- an alert?
怎么还有这个功能 Why would they do that?
为了让人知道有变态出没吗 To keep track of the pervs?
看到了吧 就是这样我才不愿意上脸书的 See, this is why I didn't want to join Facebook.
因为你知道你会跟变态一样吗 Because you knew you'd act like a perv?
开玩笑 J.K.
给她发条信息告诉她你开玩笑就行了 Oh, just text her "J.K."
不 不行 No. No.
进行更多容易被人误解的非面对面沟通 More impersonal communication that can be easily misconstrued
不是问题的答案 is not the answer.
就是因为这个我才惹上这个麻烦的 That's how I got into this mess.
我要亲自出马 I'm going in.
等等 亨利 我觉得那群人盯上我了 Wait. Henry, I think these girls are on to me.
而且说实话 我讨厌那本书 And truth told, I hated the book.
跟那群不性感 整天就知道干家务 And hanging out with these nonsexual,
提前步入老年的妇女在一起 farm-to-table mini-grandmas
根本无法让我不去想弗雷迪 他一直给我发短信 is not keeping my mind off Freddy, who keeps texting me.
伊莉莎 我前任现在以为我对喂奶女人有癖好 Eliza, my ex thinks I have a lactating fetish.
你的事我们能以后再说吗 Can we regroup on this?
-好 -先走了 - Yeah. - Yeah.
大家好 Hey.
谢谢你同意见我 奥利维亚 Thanks for agreeing to see me, Olivia.
亨利 怎么了 自从你跟我分手 Henry, what's going on? You broke up with me.
都有三年了 Three years pass.
此后我们一直没说过话 I haven't talked to you since then,
结果你突然在我的喂奶照上圈了自己 until you tag yourself as my breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
我知道这很诡异 I know it's weird.
所以我才想亲自来一趟 That's why I wanted to come over here in person
跟你解释一下那是意外 to explain that it was an accident.
我不想让你以为我是在... I didn't want you to think I was...
什么 What?
以为你在想我吗 That you were thinking about me?
没事的 Don't worry.
不 不是 No, no.
我是在想你 但不是男女之间的那种 I was thinking about you, just not in that way.
那是哪一种 In what way, then?
就是那种 "她现在怎么样" No, in an, um, "I wonder how she's doing.
"希望她一切都好" I hope she's well," way.
那我很好 真的 Oh, well, I'm great. Yeah.
我意识到你根本不会像在意自己的工作一样 The minute I realized you were never gonna care about me
在意我的时候 我就重新开始了 as much as your job, I moved on.
我遇到了个好人 I met a really great guy.
那就好 Great.
你呢 And you?
你看起来不错 You look good.
上次我见你的时候 Last time I saw you,
你染了个白头发 you were rocking those frosted tips.
就染白了一撮儿而已 I frosted one tip.
因为你喜欢马克·麦克格拉斯 Because you loved Mark McGrath.
我不是喜欢他 而是钦佩他的乐观应变 I didn't love Mark McGrath. I admired his resilience.
流行文化界让他离开 可他不仅没走 Pop culture asked him to leave, and instead,
而是如凤凰涅槃般 he rose like a phoenix
从甜蜜射线[乐队]的灰烬中重生了 from the ashes of Sugar Ray.
你现在应该还是单身吧 I take it you're still single.
是 是啊 目前是的 Yes, yes. For the moment, I am.
不过最好得抓紧行动了 Um... better get cracking, though.
看看脸书上 According to Facebook,
我认识的人全部都结婚生子了 every single person I know is married with kids.
这是什么时候的事啊 When did that happen?
可能是你在办公室埋头工作的时候吧 Probably when you were at the office.
柯德康奶油小屋
布琳那群读书婊把我踢出她们的书呆子俱乐部后 After Bryn's book whores kicked me out of their nerd club,
我就只能吃东西发泄了 I had no choice but to eat my feelings,
我要吃的有... which were covered in...
糯米团 猕猴桃 Mochi. And kiwi.
要五个软糖小熊 红色的 Just five gummy bears -- red ones.
一个绿色的 One green.
再来点黄油酥 And some butterfinger.
夏莫妮卡 Charmonique?
夏莫妮卡 是我啊 Charmonique, it's me.
伊莉莎 你怎么穿成这样 Eliza, what's with the getup?
我就是想改变一下形象 Oh, I was just trying to change my image
让别人看到我时不止联想到约炮 and be seen as something other than a booty call.
这样啊 Oh.
那生个孩子吧 Have a kid.
那样就不会再有人约你了 No one will ever call your booty again.
开个玩笑而已 Just kidding.
不过说真的 孩子确实能吓走别人 But seriously, it is a deterrent.
不是对所有人适用 Not to everyone.
但对很多很多人都行 But to a lot of people.
我就是男人的毒药 I'm man poison.
今天是作弊日哦 Well, it's cheat day.
得抓紧去来点吃了 Got to get to it.
作弊日 对啊 Cheat day. Of course.
如果要坚持继续节食 You have to give in to your urges
就得偶尔向自己的欲望屈服 if you're gonna stay on the diet.
给我来个半蛋糕糊半薄荷巧克力芝士蛋糕 Can I get a half-cake batter, half-mint chocolate cheesecake?
如果我现在去跟弗雷迪上床 If I have sex with Freddy right now,
那就可以给我力量 让我在接下来的一周 it'll give me the strength to not have sex with Freddy
都不跟弗雷迪上床 for the rest of the week.
再说了 如果给弗雷迪发短信不对的话 Besides, if texting Freddy was the wrong thing to do,
大千宇宙肯定会给我征兆的 I'm sure the universe would give me a sign.
根本不疼 It didn't even hurt.
我没... I'm fi-- aah!
给弗雷迪发短信时掉进阴井 The irony of falling into a manhole
这种讽刺的事情还真被我撞上了 while texting Freddy was not lost on me.
滴耳剂 不恐惧 Eardrops. Fear drops.
事业一泻千里 Career drops.
"没孩子" "For the baby you'll never have
"因为时间都用来工作了"滴耳剂 because you spend too much time at work" drops.
亨利很寂寞 但是他没有去找朋友 Henry felt alone, but instead of reaching out to a friend,
而是摸起了自己的无线鼠标 he reached for his wireless mouse.
下水道一游摔破手臂 我依然坚强 #真好 #强者生存 #吃一堑长一智 #停车牌也挡不住
普罗维登斯圣约瑟夫 医疗中心
伊莉莎 怎么回事 你没事吧 Eliza...what happened? Are you okay?
没什么 Oh, it's not a big deal.
我被车撞了而已 尾椎骨错位了 I just got hit by a smart car, dislocated my tailbone,
然后掉进了阴井 把骨盆搞骨折了 fell down a manhole, fractured my pelvis,
头也撞得脑震荡了 看到了一道白光 banged my head, got a concussion, saw the white light,
还看见了两个已故死对头歌手在天堂撕逼大战 ran into Tupac and Biggie, who squashed it.
当然了 I knew they would.
你没事真是太好了 Boy, I'm glad you're okay, 'cause...
我跟往常一样在工作 I was at work, as usual,
然后看到你受伤了 and I saw that you were hurt.
我就...我想... And I just, um, I wanted to --
-弗雷迪 -嗨 - Freddy? - Hey.
-你怎么来了 -对啊 你来干什么 - What are you doing here? - Yeah, what?
我就来看看 以防医院需要有人来认领炮友 Just came by in case they needed someone to identify the booty.
这个确实好笑啊 That was legitimately funny.
看 Here.
我给你带充电器来了 你手机没电了对吧 I brought you a charger. Dead phone, right?
所以才不回我短信 That is why you weren't returning my texts.
你应该说 "伊莉莎你没事吧 我很担心你" How about, "Eliza, are you okay? I was worried"?
不好意思 Sorry.
我是在忙别的兴趣 Um, I've just been kind of busy with other interests.
眨眼都好疼啊 Ow. It hurts to wink.
真委婉 Subtle.
那...你很快就可以出院吗 So, uh, are they gonna let you go home soon?
我可以送你一程 I could, uh, you know, give you a lift.
好啊 Uh, sure.
虽然我脚上戴着气垫 I mean, I have an aircast on my foot
每隔一小时就得起来一次 and I have to be woken up every hour,
但是只要你不把全身的重量 but as long as you don't put all your weight
都压在我骨折的骨盆上... on my fractured pelvis...
我不是指跟你上床 Oh. I-I didn't mean to hook up.
我只是想开车送你回家 I just thought I could drive you to your place,
送你到家门口 walk you to your door.
去外面吗 Outside?
当然啊 Yeah.
不去外面你还有别的方法回家吗 Unless you know another way to get there.
不 没有 No. No.
去外面很棒 Outside is great.
你愿意跟我一起在外面走走真是太好了 I love that you want to walk outside with me.
举个赞也好疼 Ow. Thumbs-up hurts, too.
你不用给我发信号 You don't have to signal me --
我跟你一起看着呢 Observing all this in tandem with you.
好 Okay.
那我就不打扰了 Well, I will leave you to it.
好好休息 伊莉莎 早日康复 Rest up, Eliza. Feel better.
对了 亨利 Oh, hey, uh, Henry.
你知道你在我发的住院照片上 You know you tagged yourself as the bedpan
把自己圈成了便盆 对吧 in my hospital pic, right?
该死 真讨厌脸书 Damn it. I hate Facebook.
我在脸书上给你发信息了 I tried to message you on Facebook.
你是不是注销账户了 Did you take down your account?
-你猜对了 -天 为什么 - That's exactly what I did. - Oh, man. Why?
我是个守旧的人 Well, I'm an old-fashioned guy.
所以我决定从现在起 要是想关心谁的话 I've decided that from now on, if I want to check up on people,
我要用老方法 I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way.
好吧 谢谢你今天来看我 Well, thanks for checking up on me today.
不用客气 伊莉莎 You're most welcome, Eliza.
快睡觉吧 Now get some sleep.
对了 伊莉莎 And, Eliza.
怎么了 Yeah?
我一小时后打电话叫醒你 好吗 I'll call you in an hour to wake you up, okay?