我跟我的手机关系十分密切 My relationship with my phone is pretty serious.
卡路里
我用它吃饭 I eat...
睡眠时长
深度睡眠循环
睡觉 ...sleep...
甚至对着它呼吸 And breathe it.
血乙醇含量
它让我保持水平 It keeps me level.
可我的同事亨利认为 跟手机走得太近 But my coworker Henry believes that being so close to my phone
影响了我近距离接触其他非手机物体 is what's keeping me from being close to non-phones,
比如人类 因此我更加努力地... like people, so I've been making more of an effort to --
早啊 伊莉莎 Good morning, Eliza.
早 亨利 Good morning, Henry.
今天怎么样 How are you today?
我可不在乎他怎么样 I didn't really care how he was today,
但我学会了 还是要问候一下 but I had learned to ask anyway.
我很好 感谢关心 I'm quite well. Thank you for asking.
我今天吃了蛋白早餐 I had a, uh, protein-rich breakfast
在屋外花园享用 that I ingested outside, in the garden.
天气很好 The weather was quite mild.
在跑步机上看了一集《识骨寻踪》 Watched an episode of "Bones" on the treadmill.
然后用了一些我一直想试的 Then I broke out some new bath products
洗浴用品 I've been meaning to try.
是迷迭香... Yeah, it was rosemary...
亨利说 保持眼神交流 Henry says maintaining eye contact
会让别人觉得你在认真倾听 makes people think you're listening to them,
即使你其实在想 even if what you're really thinking about
Jay-Z和碧昂斯有没有签婚前协议 is whether or not Jay and Beyonce have a pre-nup.
你觉得呢 What are your thoughts on that?
当然签了婚前协议 Of course they have a pre-nup.
电梯里有十亿美元呢[碧昂斯歌词] There's a billion dollars on the elevator!
我知道了 I see.
话说你装得很像嘛 Well, good job pretending to listen.
员工大会期间 不如让我替你保管手机 And why don't I hold on to your phone for the staff meeting?
行 Sure.
先让我... Let me just, uh...
交给你啦 All yours.
你直接拒绝不就行了吗 You could've just said no.
各位 环顾一下四周 Team, take a look around you.
你们看到了什么 What do you see?
窗户 Windows?
陶会计 Todd from accounting.
百吉饼 Bagels?
黑暗 一片漆黑 Dark? Darkness?
无尽的黑夜 Endless night?
我看到的是一家人 I see a family.
上市儿童药物公司一家人 A publicly held children's pharmaceutical family.
正所谓家和 The more connected our family is,
万事才能兴旺繁荣 the more our business will thrive.
琼要给大家发一篇文章 Joan is about to distro an article
教大家怎样增强员工凝聚力 that will show us how to increase coworker connectivity.
琼 Joan?
点点滴滴 最性感的男人如何与妻子心连心
先生 我是不是拿错文章了 Sir, I think I've got the wrong article.
这是钱宁·塔图姆的采访稿 This is, uh, an interview with Channing Tatum.
我知道你在想什么 And I know what you're thinking --
魔力麦克有什么可教我的 What does "Magic Michael" have to teach me?
我的伙伴 答案是 一切 The answer, my friend, is everything.
不好意思 Uh, I-I'm sorry.
他跟他老婆互相根据亲密程度打分 He and his wife rate how close they feel to one another
满分10分 on a scale of 1 to 10?
咱们也来试试 Let's try it out.
拉里 双手捧住亨利的脸 Larry, I want you to cup Henry's face in your hand...
这里可没说要捧着... I don't see anything about cup-- hmm.
直视他的眼睛 ...look him in the eye
告诉他 满分10分 And tell him, on a scale of 1 to 10,
你觉得你跟他有多亲密 how close you feel to him right now.
我觉得是9分 I'm feeling a 9.
棒棒哒 Wally-kazam!
琳达 你对人资部的拉杰是什么感觉 Linda, how are you feeling about Raj from H.R.? Huh?
5分吧 I'll go with a 5.
他看起来人不错 I mean, he seems nice,
但毕竟才来了几周而已 but he's only been here a few weeks.
看起来人不错 "Seems nice."
开局顺利哟 拉杰 That's an excellent start, Raj.
我觉得琼是8分 I feel an 8 for Joan.
她帮了我不少 She's very helpful,
她自己从家里带饭 这很好 and I like that she packs her own lunch from home,
因为我也这么做 because I do that, too.
好嘞 Huzzah!
拉杰在琼身上看到了自己 Raj sees himself in Joan.
此生足矣夫复何求啊 Come on. What more could you ask for?
我给伊莉莎零分 I give Eliza a zero.
不过她应该没注意到 因为 But she probably won't notice, because, as always,
她一直在忙着玩手机没空管别的 she's too busy staring at her phone.
等等 我错过了什么 Wait. What'd I miss?
恐怕是错过了重点 The point, I'm afraid.
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
♪ Hey, look, it's me ♪
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
♪ Not to make it all me ♪
时间轴 Poxle 姜姜
♪ Funny thing about me ♪
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
♪ Is while I'm looking at me-e-e-e-e ♪
总监 TanKnoX
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
再造淑女
第一季 第三集
刚才是什么情况 What the hell was that in there?
还有 你怎么对着垃圾桶吃午饭 And what are you doing eating lunch over a trash can?
站着更好消化 I digest better standing up.
你这行为简直反社会 That is really antisocial behavior.
琼刚才在会上给你打零分 你就不在意吗 Joan just gave you a zero in that meeting. Are you not concerned?
对呀 Yeah!
不过琼肯定不会待见我 所以算了吧 But Joan is never gonna like me, so...pfft.
也许是因为你老玩手机 Maybe 'cause you're always on your phone.
或许是因为我拥有 Or maybe it's because I have
完美对称的体型 和小美人鱼般的秀发 perfectly symmetrical features and hair like Ariel.
也许是因为那次酸辣汤的事 Or maybe it's because of what happened with the gazpacho.
酸辣汤怎么了 What happened with the gazpacho?
我早上健身课结束后 I'd just come from and early-moring SoulCycle class
忘了吃早餐 and forgotten to eat breakfast,
到了办公室才发现 so when I got to the office, it hit me --
我真的真的 I was really, really, really,
超级超级超级"殍" super-super-duper hunggs.
殍 "Hunggs"?
就是要饿死了 As in, like, famished.
就在我准备给自己倒一碗腌香蕉椒之时 So I was about to legit pour myself a bowl of banana peppers
忽然发现了美味 when I spotted it.
琼
别告诉琼 Don't tell Joan.
我就是琼 I am Joan.
伊莉莎 琼是山姆老板的得力助手 Eliza, Joan is Sam Saperstein's right-hand woman.
她在公司里权力可大着呢 She wields a lot of power at this company.
你应该知道她是谁 You should know who she is.
而且你不能偷喝他的酸辣汤 And you should not eat her gazpacho
以及她精心写上名字的任何食物 or any of her carefully labeled foodstuffs.
琼
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
你接下来的任务就是 跟琼成为好友 Your next assignment is to befriend Joan.
我告诉你 这没用的 I'm telling you -- it'll never work.
琼就是连体泳衣 Joan is a miraclesuit,
而我是比基尼 胸部侧露 胯骨也露 and I am a monokini with side-boob and hipbone cutouts.
我们是完全相反的人 We're complete opposites.
我跟拉里也是啊 Same could be said of me and Larry.
可是 But...
拉里才不是比基尼 Larry's not a monokini.
不 在这种情况下 我是比基尼 No, in this scenario, I am the monokini.
不 你应该是老式长袖泳衣 No, you would be one of those old-timey long-sleeved bathing costumes.
我跟拉里不同 My differences with Larry
但并不影响我跟他搞好关系 don't prevent me from connecting with him.
看好了 Observe.
拉里 Larry.
-你好呀 亨利 -嘿 挺香的嘛 - Hiya, Henry. - Hey, hey, smells good.
-辣椒和奶酪 -我超爱 - Yeah, chili and cheese. - I love it.
你老婆怎么样 How's the wife?
很难搞 不过结婚的时候我就已经知道了 Oh, difficult. But I knew that when I married her.
老婆嘛 都这样 The old ball and chain.
直译为球和锁链 有累赘之意 俚语指老婆
可不是嘛 Oh, you're telling me.
本色难改 It is what it is.
是啊 Yeah.
有空再聊 Well, catch you later.
再见哥们 See you, bud.
你试试跟琼聊聊 Now you try it with Joan.
好吧 Ugh! Okay, fine.
琼 Hey, Joan.
三明治好吃吗 How's the sandwich?
我怎么知道 I wouldn't know.
有人偷了我的三明治 吃了两口 Someone stole my sandwich, took two bites,
然后扔到垃圾桶里了 and threw it in the trash.
太不给力了 Sucks.
跟你老公一样 对吧 Like your husband. Am I right?
老蛋蛋和... The old ball and...
丁丁 penis.
-我照着你来的呀 -才不是 - But I did what you did. - No, you did not.
我可没有提到拉里老婆的生殖器官 并没有 I did not reference Larry's wife's genitals. I did not.
我看拉里的脸色行事 I took my cues from Larry,
而你完全不懂察言观色 whereas you were completely tone-deaf.
好吧 Oh, well.
不要说"好吧" No, not "Oh, well."
再试一次 好好调查调查 Try again. Do your research.
如果你想跟琼搞好关系 If you want to connect with Joan,
先看看她的兴趣是什么 find out what her interests are.
她跟谁一起[歌词] Who she be with!
当我没说 Never mind.
我可以的 I can do this.
毕竟人肉搜索是我的专长 After all, cybersleuthing is kind of my forte.
我连Cee-Lo的胳膊到底有多长都能搜到 And if I can find out the true length of CeeLO'S arms,
黑人歌手
挖点琼的料绝对没问题 I can def find out some dirt on Joan.
夏莫妮卡 求助 Charmonique, help.
我一整晚都想了解琼 I spent the whole night trying to get to know Joan,
但她简直就是网上的幽灵 but she's an internet ghost.
我在MySpace搜了个遍都没有 I went to MySpace and back and got Jack.
脸书她也不上 Apparently, she's facebook-free,
推特 Instagram都没有 a twitter-quitter, insta-invisible.
我给你说 简直是 I'm telling you, it's like...
就好像琼这个人根本不存在一样 It's just like Joan doesn't even exist.
亲爱的 你找错地方了 Baby girl, you are looking in all the wrong places.
琼不上社交网站 Joan doesn't do social media.
不过在大众点评可是很活跃呢 But she is all up on yelp.
而且 她是个点评狂人 In fact, she's a super reviewer.
我的天 太疯狂了 Oh, my God! This is crazy.
有上千条点评 There are thousands of reviews here.
她跟西米谷广场是有仇啊 Wow, she really has it in for the Simi Valley galleria...
"真可悲 那里的美食街少一家椒盐饼店" ..."whose food court is sorely lacking a Wetzel's."
那些小狗饼干嘛 Those mini dog-bites, though!
看这个 五星好评 But look -- five stars for Miss Mandy's
曼迪小姐家周五晚上的"塑我吧"有氧健身课 Friday-night "Straight up now tone me" cardio class.
"我周周必去" "I never miss it."
你现在跟我想的一样吗 Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
那个白老女人 That old white ladies
还是放弃折腾吧 need to stop co-opting a sister's skills
别妄想把自己的白人小屁股变翘臀了 in a futile attempt to turn their caucasian non-booties
没用的 into juicy doubles?
对 Yes.
不过 是在周五 But also, it's Friday.
我也要去上这个课 I'm gonna take that class!
天呐 Oh, my!
拉里 不好意思 I'm s-- Larry, I'm so sorry!
你吓到我了 You scared me.
热茶已经伤不了我了 Hot tea can't hurt me now.
好吧其实挺疼的 Ah. Actually, it can.
但这点伤害跟南希的所为相比算什么 But not as much as what Nancy did.
南希 Nancy?
那个老累赘 The old ball and chain.
她提出来了 我们结束了 She ended it. It's over.
不是吧 怎么回事 No. What happened?
我去做按摩了 I'm going to the chiropractor.
好的 Okay.
真不可思议 Unbelievable.
不好意思 南希 那你说"我去做按摩了" Well, I'm sorry, Nancy, but what's the correct response
正确的回答应该是什么 to "I'm going to the chiropractor"?
难道让我请个游行乐队吗 Should I hire a marching band?
-真被你说中了 -我说的吗 - You really called that one, huh? - I did?
"本色难改" 你说得太对了 "It is what it is." I mean, you were spot-on.
那只是随便说说 没什么实际意义 But that's just a phrase. It doesn't mean anything.
现在咱俩都单身了 阮·帕布洛 But we're both bachelors now, Juan Pablo.
真人秀《单身汉》人物
不知道是何方神圣 I don't know who that is.
要不要去裸体酒吧 去提华纳逛逛 Should we hit the nudie bars? The dog track? Head to T.J.?
对了 要不要来一出《华尔街之狼》 Oh! Oh, oh! Do you want to "Wolf of wall street" it?
楼下实验室里应有尽有 I have a fully stocked lab downstairs.
我们可以吸点儿婴儿阿司匹林 We could freebase some infant aspirin
然后杀个流浪汉 and then go kill a drifter!
我先查查我的日程安排 Let me see how the rest of my day is looking.
等我联系你 一定 Let me get back to you. I promise --
你1:45有一个电话 Uh, you have a call at 1:45
不过你完全可以在去提华纳的路上打 that you could probably take in the car on the way to T.J.
谢谢 查理 Thanks, Charlie.
永远不要真心去爱 查理 Never love, Charlie.
不会的 Uh, I won't.
在点评网上深入学习之后 Armed with everything I learned on yelp,
我去了琼的舞蹈课 I hit Joan's dance class to see if I could increase
看看能不能提高我的好评率和认可度 my heart rate and my approval rating.
琼 不勒个是吧 Joan? Holy crap.
乖乖里格隆地咚啊 Bitch-slap me all over my whole, entire face.
不敢相信你也上这个课 I cannot believe you go to this class.
我也不敢相信你来上这个课 I can't believe you go to this class.
开什么玩笑 Are you kidding?
我简直爱死了 I love the crap out of
"塑我吧"有氧舞蹈 "Straight up now tone me" cardio.
所以我的肌肉才如此紧实 That's how I keep it so tight.
我以前没见过你 I've never seen you here before.
因为我一般都上的是曼迪周六的课 That is because i usually go to Mandy's Saturday class...?
你好啊 托蒂 Uh, hey, Thottie!
幸好及时赶来了 So glad I made it on time.
我刚才去给车加油 I stopped to get gas at the, um,
在西亚当斯雪福龙加油站 the West Adams Chevron Station.
那可是洛杉矶最好的加油站 That's the best one in Los Angeles.
对呀 就在第十街道 比市里便宜8分钱 I know -- it's right off the 10, 8 cents cheaper than inland,
而且他们的添加剂... plus their additives --
我也这么认为 I feel the exact same way.
西亚当斯从来都不拥挤 I find the west adams location never crowded
购物店安排也比较合理 and their mini-mart well-appointed.
不过有些时候 Now, I will say that sometimes...
七号泵上的数字按键不好使 The number on pump 7's keypad stick?
-是的 但如果 -告诉部门经理罗德里格斯 - Yes, but if you... - Ask Rodriguez, the branch manager --
-他会... -帮你把数字清掉 - He will... - Wipe them down for you,
这样就解决问题了 and that should alleviate the problem!
经过热身 琼的态度也不再冰冷 Joan had warmed up during the warm-up,
但接下来的舞蹈动作非常复杂 but now we were heading into more complicated choreography.
五六七 走着 And 5, 6, 7, here we go!
♪ Lost in a dream ♪
♪ I don't know which way to go ♪
♪ let me say if you are all that you seem ♪
♪ Straight up, now, tell me ♪
♪ Do you really want to love me forever ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Or am I caught in a hit-and-run ♪
♪ Straight up, now, tell me ♪
♪ Is it gonna be you and me together ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Or are you just having fun? ♪
亨利 谢谢你来跟我... Henry. Thank you for, uh, meeting with me...
秘密见面 in secret.
客气 老板 Yes, sir.
我一直坚信我们公司这个大家庭 I firmly believe our corporate family
有责任照顾好每位成员 has a responsibility to look out for one another,
说实话我有点担心拉里 and I'm worried -- about Larry.
我也是 老板... I am, too, sir. Uh --
我也知道你们俩很亲近 And I know how close the two of you are.
我觉得我们之间没有... I wouldn't characterize us as, uh --
塔图姆亲密打分的时候他给你打了九分 He did give you a 9 on the Tatum/Dewan-Tatum scale.
是 但是... Yes, but --
我还听说你们俩一起用微波炉加热玉米卷吃 And I'm told the two of you microwave burritos together.
没有 就一次 N-no. One time,
他去加热玉米卷时我刚好在他旁边 就一次 I stood near him while he microwaved a burrito. One time.
那在目前这一艰难的时刻 你一定也可以 Then you should have no problem standing by him
支持他帮助他对吧 during this troubling time.
他妻子离开他了 亨利 His wife has left him, Henry.
现在他尤其需要自己的好哥们 He's gonna need his bestie now more than ever.
那你想让我做什么 老板 So, what is it that you would like me to do, sir?
是我不想让你做什么 It's more what I don't want you to do.
不要... Don't...
不陪在他身边 not be there for him.
那就是 陪在他身边 So...be there for him.
还有如果他没地方去... And if he has nowhere to go...
不要不让他跟你住在一起 Don't not let him stay with you.
也就是让他跟我一起住呗 So let him stay with me?
真是个好主意 That's a great idea.
你太大方了 Very generous.
谢谢夸奖 Oh, thank you.
兄弟 你身上味道真好闻 Man, you smell good.
琼 琼 Joan! Joan!
等等 Wait.
刚才你太厉害了 You tore it up in there!
似爪牙似魔鬼的步伐 简直酷炫 Your footwork during the breakdown was on point.
谢谢 Thanks.
你... You...
也是精神可嘉啊 showed a lot of spirit.
谢谢 Thank you.
其实我觉得钱宁·塔图姆 You know, I think Channing Tatum
现在都会为我们骄傲的 would be proud of us right now.
是啊 Oh. R-right.
听我说 琼 我知道有那么几次 Listen, Joan, I know on several occasions,
我无意中吃了你的东西 I've accidentally eaten your belongings.
不是无意吧 我的东西上都有标注我的名字 Those weren't accidents. I label all my food.
你那是故意不尊重我 It was blatant disregard.
我知道 Exactly.
那我今晚请你吃饭弥补一下吧 So let me make it up to you by buying you dinner.
琼还犹豫不决的 可最终还是败给了我的 Joan was on the fence, but I won her over with a...
好嘛 好嘛 好嘛 Please? Please? A-please-please?
谢谢 阮·帕布洛 Gracias, Juan Pablo.
拉里 我真心希望你别这么叫我了 Larry, I really wish you'd stop calling me that.
话说现在还不到睡觉时间吧 H-hey, it's not jammie-time already, is it?
我可没有点早起套餐啊 I don't remember ordering the early-bird special.
拉里 Larry --
你看我把去参加派对的衬衣都穿上了 Look, look. I'm wearing my party shirt.
我们去酒吧玩玩 喝喝酒... Let's hit the bars, have some drinks...
找几个妹子 Find some sisters.
丑的那个归我 I'll take the ugly one.
提议真心不错 但是我今天太累了 Really appreciate the offer, but I've had a long day.
我得去休息了 你也休息吧 I need to get some rest. So do you.
晚安 好吗 Good night, okay?
对了 差点忘了 Ooh. I almost forgot.
不要用客房的洗手... Don't use the toilet in the guest bath--
她不知道... She doesn't know...
我有多么 需要她 How much...I need her.
我知道 I know.
但是你听到我刚才说 But you did hear me say
不要用客房的洗手间了对不对 not to use the toilet in the guest bathroom, right?
拉里 我这个人一向独居惯了 Look, Larry, I'm a very solitary person,
而你 显然不是 and you... clearly, are not.
你确定真的不要想办法 Are you sure you don't want to try to make a run
让南希回来吗 at getting Nancy back?
或许如果你做点大型浪漫的事... Maybe if you made some big, romantic gesture...
你是说像快闪那样的吗 You mean like a flash mob?
我不是这个意思 That's not where my mind went, no.
大多数女人觉得 Most women consider the flash mob
快闪是男人能做出的最浪漫的事 to be the most romantic gesture a man can make --
仅次于在大屏幕上突然求婚 second only to a surprise proposal on a jumbotron.
你好像都做过调查研究了 Well, it sounds like you've done your research.
很高兴你这么积极主动 And I'm glad you're being proactive.
真的 Yeah.
那我们就休息吧 Well, let's get some rest.
晚安 Good night.
真的可以去睡觉吗 I don't know if we can sleep.
我们还有好多事要做呢 We have so much planning to do.
话说你有那种一秒变装的西服吗 Do you happen to own a tear-away suit?
算了 You know what?
你不用麻烦了 我自己找吧 Don't bother yourself. I'll look.
拉里 我衣橱里的衣服是按季节分的 Larry, I have a seasonal system with my wardrobe.
亚麻衣服和粗呢衣服不能混在一起... The linens and the tweeds cannot be mixed --
喂 Hello?
亨利 你猜猜我现在在哪里 Henry, guess where I am right now.
伊莉莎 我现在没工夫 Eliza, this is not a good time.
快猜嘛 快猜 Just guess! Guess!
我现在没心情跟你玩游戏 I'm not in the mood to play games.
但是你安排给我的任务 我马上就要 But I'm about to make some serious progress
取得实质性进展了 on the assignment you gave me.
我现在在琼家门外面 她跟她丈夫在里面 I'm outside Joan's house. She's inside with her husband.
他们看到你了吗 快开车走 快 Did they see you? Just drive away. Drive away!
不是 亨利 是她邀请我来的 No, Henry. She invited me.
调查起作用了 她好像开始喜欢我了 The research worked. I think she likes me.
我刚去买了披萨要三个人一起吃 I just picked up pizza for the three of us to eat.
天哪 是披萨派对 我们要开披萨派对了 Oh, my God! It's a pizza party! We're having a pizza party.
小帕布 你家里有剪子吗 J. Pabs, do you have any scissors?
算了 Never mind.
我得先挂了 I have to hang up now.
太好了 那是我们最爱的披萨吗 Oh, goody. Is that the pizza?
盖比特家的白披萨 我们的最爱 White pizza from Geppetto's -- that's our favorite.
盖比特家的白披萨 Geppetto's is the only
是洛杉矶唯一一家长途跋涉不变质的 white pizza in Los Angeles that travels well.
日落杂志发起的投票结果是"再远也值得" Sunset Magazine voted it "Worth the trip."
我同意 I tend to agree.
等等 斯格特 不要吃那个 里面有牛至 Wait! No! Scott! Don't eat that! It has oregano!
琼 Joan?
斯格特对牛至过敏对吧 Scott's allergic to oregano, isn't he?
确实 He certainly is.
斯格特 Scott?
你怎么知道的 How did you know that?
好像 我好像记得... Well, I thought -- I thought I-I remembered --
她说过什么"斯格特对牛至过敏" She's saying "Scott's allergic to oregano."
等等 等等 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
西亚当斯雪福龙加油站 What's directly across the street
街道对面是什么 from the West Adams Chevron Station?
快回答 Answer!
7-11便利店 7-Eleven.
回答错误 那里已经空置很多年了 Wrong. It's been an empty lot for years.
苍天啊 Oh, dear God.
她一直在点评网跟踪我 She's been Yelp-stalking me.
所以她才发现了曼迪的舞蹈课还有盖比特披萨 That's how she found about Mandy's class and Geppetto's.
这样一说我都没胃口吃完这块披萨了 I don't think that I can even finish this.
还是吃完吧 I can.
那块披萨上浇的全是谎言 That pizza is topped with lies.
但是没有牛至啊 But not oregano.
对不起 I'm sorry.
对不起 我只是想了解你 I'm sorry. I was just trying to get to know you.
无论如何 我真的很过意不去 For what it's worth, I feel really bad.
我感觉比阿莉娅死时还难受 I feel worse than the night Aaliyah died.
歌手 2001年去世
阿莉娅死了 Aaliyah died?
早啊 夏莫妮卡 Morning, Charmonique.
你为什么穿着可撕西装 Why are you wearing a breakaway suit?
什么 What?
我能看出来你穿的是可撕西装 I can tell you're wearing a breakaway suit.
我问你原因 I'm asking why.
你能保密吗 Can you keep a secret?
你不会是要跟拉里一起去参加快闪吧 Please don't tell me you're doing a flash mob with Larry.
你怎么知道的 How did you know that?
你知道 Do you have any idea
拉里组织了多少次快闪吗 how many flash mobs Larry is responsible for?
什么 What?
网上一半的快闪视频是都跟拉里有关的 Half of the flash mobs on the internet are Larry-related.
你们最好不是为了南希 她最讨厌快闪了 And it better not be for Nancy, because she hates them.
看到没 See?
天哪 Oh, God.
看 这个是他们结婚纪念日时候的 Look. This one's from their anniversary.
快闪激怒的女人 结婚纪念日庆祝失败 快闪激怒的女人 生日庆祝失败 快闪激怒的女人 惊天大败 快闪突袭
这是她生日时候的 This one's on her birthday.
还有这个 他吓了南希一跳 And this one -- he catches Nancy off guard,
结果她滑倒摔出去了 she slips, throws her back out.
拉里认为快闪可以让她回来 Larry thinks a flash mob is gonna get his wife back.
不会 Nope.
这只会说明 This is just another indication
他不听南希的话 不关心她的需要 that he doesn't listen to Nancy or care about what she wants.
那我就得永远跟他住一起了 I'm gonna be stuck with him forever.
苍天 Oh, my...God.
好难受 I feel sick.
查理 Charlie!
去找拉里 快闪取消 Find Larry. The flash mob is off.
-但是 -但是什么 - But.. - But what?
那我就没机会弄这个了 I'll never get to do this.
打扫干净 Clean all this up.
先找拉里 再打扫干净 First find Larry, then clean all this up.
好 Okay.
我搞砸了 I blew it.
开始一切顺利 可后来我就搞砸了 It was going so well, and then I messed it all up.
等等 你在说什么呢 Wait -- w-w-what are you talking about?
琼 Joan.
我早就说过那样没用的 I told you it wouldn't work.
你自己不是说... Well, you said it yourself --
她是连体泳衣你是比基尼吗 She's a miraclesuit and you are a monokini.
但是这办公室里的女人喜欢连体泳衣 But the women in this office love miraclesuits.
他们不喜欢我是因为我的合成纤维比基尼 And they don't love me because I'm a synthetic monokini
是血汗工厂里的童工制作的 made in a factory by a sweatshop baby.
无意冒犯你们家人 No offense to your family.
我们家有一家布卡迪连锁餐厅 但还是冒犯了 My family owns a Buca di Beppo, but...still offended.
其实这件事说实话... The -- the truth of the matter is...
论处理同事关系我做得并不比你好 I'm no better at office friendships than you are.
是吗 伟大的亨利大咖 You? The great Henry the great?
听我说 我装作跟拉里是朋友 Listen, I made it seem like I was friends with Larry,
但事实是 我没办法跟他24小时都待在一起 when the truth is, I can't spend 24 hours with that guy.
而且他那样对那个流浪汉是不对的 And what he did to that drifter was wrong.
他对流浪汉做什么了 What did he do to the drifter?
今天我之所以同意 And the only reason that I agreed
穿三件可撕西装来办公室... to wear three breakaway suits to the office today...
是因为我以为这样可以帮我摆脱拉里 is that I thought it would help me get rid of Larry,
我算是明白了 who I have learned
他就是地球上最讨厌的人 is the most annoying person on planet Earth.
你好 拉里 Hi, Larry.
糟了 God.
真的吗 Really?
你知道吗 亨利 You know something, Henry?
现在我给你零分 I feel a zero for you right now.
零分 A zero.
你现在跟我一样了 You got the same as me.
听我说 拉里 抱歉我发脾气了 Look, Larry, I-I'm sorry I lost my cool.
应该是因为我昨晚整夜没睡 I guess I'm overtired from not sleeping,
忙着把西装剪开 cutting all my suits in half,
忙着学习舞蹈编排 trying to learn dance choreography,
忙着通客房洗手间 and plunging my guest bathroom,
我明确跟你说过不要用那个洗手间的 which I specifically asked you not to use.
但是我下面说的话你一定要相信 But please believe me when I tell you --
快闪这个主意真心不好 The flash mob is a bad idea.
如果你真想让你妻子回来 If you want to get your wife back,
根本不需要什么九十年代的舞曲 it doesn't require a '90s dance track.
一个小小的举动都会更有意义 A smaller gesture would mean more.
克里克脊椎按摩
亨利让你去他办公室一趟 Uh, Henry would like to see you in his office.
既然你还是那么坚定 Since it seems you're still determined
要对着垃圾桶吃午餐 to eat lunch over a trash can,
我让查理给你买了个新的 I had Charlie buy you that.
发票我没扔 款式不喜欢我可以去换 I kept the receipt. They had other designs.
挺可爱的 It's cute.
快试试吧 Go ahead. Try it out.
挺不错的 我喜欢 It works. I like it.
做得好 查理 Good job, Charlie.
谢谢 Thanks.
你是想通过这种方式跟我一起吃饭吗 Is this your way of trying to get me to eat with you?
不是跟我一起 是在我边上 Not with me -- near me.
我知道站着吃东西 I know how important it is for your digestion
对你的消化很重要 to eat standing up.
其实... Actually...
那只是我找的借口而已 That's just an excuse I use
因为从小到大 没人愿意跟我坐在一起吃午饭 because growing up, no one ever wanted to sit with me at lunch.
现在我差不多都习惯了吧 Now I'm just kind of used to it.
那样的话... Well, in that case...
这里没有别人吧 Is this seat taken?
♪ Well, I had a dream... ♪
♪ I stood beneath an orange sky ♪
交到真心朋友的时候 你是可以感觉到的 When a friendship is real, you can feel it.
不是不尊重钱宁·塔图姆 And no disrespect to Channing Tatum,
但是也许人与人之间根本不用 but it probably doesn't need to be rated
从一到十打分 on a scale of 1 to 10.
♪ And you know my heart, my hearts been broken now♪
不过如果要我打... Although if I were going to...
6分 6.
4.7 4.7.
约等于5分 which rounds up to a 5.
♪ Sometimes, sometimes my mind is too strong to carry on ♪
可能我们在处理同事关系上也不是一败涂地 Maybe we didn't suck at office friendships after all.
那你想去哪里吃晚餐呢 So, where do you want to eat dinner?
你说了算 Your call.
♪ Please don't go ♪
♪ Babe, I love you so ♪
拉杰 我不是取消了吗 Raj, I canceled!
真的 我取消了 I-I swear, I canceled.
♪ That I'm gonna miss your love ♪