♪ Because you know I'm all about that bass ♪
♪ 'bout that bass, no treble ♪
♪ I'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass ♪
人们以前都在办公桌上干什么 What did people do at their desks
在没有新闻聚合 糖果传奇 即时通讯 before BuzzFeed, Candy Crush, instant messaging,
约吗
短信 短信聊骚 推特 图片分享和阅后即焚之前 texting, sexting, tweeting, 'gramming, and snapchat?
我想他们肯定是忙着完成工作 I bet they got buttloads of work done.
弱爆了 Suckers.
关于阅后即焚半裸照 我们是之前怎么说的 What did we say about half-naked snapchats?
啥也没说啊 We didn't say anything.
你说 这是工作场所 You said, "This is a place of business,"
接下来你就问我阅后即焚是啥 and then you asked what snapchat was,
我就得告诉你 因为 and I had to tell you because, as usual,
你一如既往地不懂得什么叫乐趣 you have no idea what anything fun is.
弗雷迪再一次加剧了你的恶习 Once again, Freddy is reinforcing your bad habits
-老实说 也恶化了他自己的恶习 -什么 - and, quite frankly, stoking some of his own. - What?
如果你把自恋的这股劲儿哪怕拿出来一点点 If you two put a fraction of your narcissistic energy
用来解决令社会头疼的大问题 into solving the issues currently plaguing our society,
也许海平面上升 孤独症 perhaps rising sea levels, autism,
急剧减少的蜂群数量 and the rabidly dwindling bee population
可能就会成为过去式 would be things of the past.
哇 某人得需要女人的"滋养"了 Whoa. Somebody needs to get laid.
? I'm looking at me ?
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
? Hey, look, it's me ?
本字幕首发于字幕组网站 www.ZiMuZu.tv 欢迎交流
翻译/校对 TanKnoX 圈圈
? Not to make it all me ?
时间轴 Poxle 念念
? Funny thing about me ?
后期 吉吉
总监 TanKnoX
? Is while I'm looking at me-e-e-e-e ?
总监 TanKnoX
? I'm hoping to find you ?
再造淑女
第一季 第六集
有时 我会说出一些真相 Sometimes I say things that are totally true
但自己却并没有意识到事实果真如此 without even realizing how true they are,
比如2008年 我不经意间说道 like in 2008 when I accidentally said...
我打赌 《黄金女郎》里那个蠢妞 I bet you anything the dumb golden girl
贝蒂·怀特 今年92岁
比男人婆和浪荡女活得都长 outlives the man golden girl and the slut golden girl.
该剧的其他几位主演现在都已去世
不可能 浪荡得永生 No chance. Sluts live forever.
所以 当我不小心诊断出亨利缺少性福时 So when I accidentally diagnosed Henry's sexual frustration,
大家都这么认为 也就不足为奇了 it shouldn't have surprised me how right I was.
这是治疗尿床的药 It's a bed-wetting remedy,
可你却用黄色当主色 and your primary color is yellow.
你真的搞不清楚状况吗 Do you really not understand what the issue is?
这盒子看上去就像是被尿泡过的一样 The box literally looks like it's been soaked in urine.
恶 Ew.
你在我盒子上尿尿了吗 Did you pee on my box?
某人需要性福滋润呀 Somebody needs to get laid.
没错 Yes.
2014年我已经不小心说出了这个事实 就在几秒前 I accidentally called that in 2014 like five seconds ago!
但我不禁觉得我也应该负部分责任 Still, I couldn't help but feel partially responsible.
毕竟 我占据了亨利大部分空闲时间 After all, I'd been consuming most of Henry's free time.
好了 伊莉莎 已经很晚了 All right, Eliza. It's getting late.
咱们再试一次 Uh, let's try this again.
你同事产假归来 Your co-worker returns from maternity leave
迫不及待地给你看她小宝宝的照片 anxious to share with you a photo of her newborn baby
可小宝宝却长成这样 who happens to look like this.
你作何回应 And you reply?
因此 他真的并没有多少时间去泡妞 That said, it really doesn't leave him much time to mack on hoes.
由于亨利如此缺乏性福滋养 And because Henry's so deficient in vitamin v,
所以他对我跟弗雷迪的关系感到很不爽 he's super salty about my relationship with Freddy.
简而言之 So, long story short --
我们得给亨利找点新鲜 We need to get Henry some strange.
没错 Exactly.
你知道吗 You know, there's a cute girl
楼下咖啡店里有个美女 that works in the coffee shop downstairs.
她问起过亨利 Now, she asked about Henry once.
但不知为何 被我给回绝了 And for no real reason, I blocked it.
我现在后悔了 I regret that now.
所以你会帮我咯 So, you'll help me?
不 No.
知道吗 我也不知道怎么回事 Oh, see? I don't know what my problem is.
好像我的默认设置就是要回绝别人一样 It's like my default setting is to block.
别担心 我会帮你的 But don't worry. I-I'll help you.
也许吧 Probably.
夏莫妮卡跟我正在想办法 While Charmonique and I came up with a plan
不否决亨利和美女咖啡师的缘分 to not block Henry and the cute barista,
而他重新整理了桌面 he rearranged his desk supplies
想一个极度缺性福的疯子 like a sexually frustrated lunatic.
不知道为什么三孔打孔机会在这么重要的位置上 I don't know why three-hole punch gets priority seating over here.
我又不会经常给东西打三个孔 It's not like I punch three holes in things all that often.
知道吗 得跟你拜拜了 You know what? You need to go.
带上你的纸孔滚蛋去吧 Just pack your paper holes and get out of here.
给你带了个东西 Brought you something.
这些纸屑哪来的 我根本不怎么用这玩意好吗 Where did this come from? I don't even use this.
楼下咖啡店的礼品卡哟 It's a gift card to the coffee place downstairs.
给你 Here.
不想去喝一杯吗 Don't you want to go get a drink? Hmm?
下午五点前 或者明天七点到三点 Uh, before 5:00 p.m. or tomorrow from 7:00 to 3:00,
或者下周二她替罗密代班的时候 or next Tuesday when she covers for R-Romy?
到了下周二 她替罗密代班时 The next Tuesday when she covered for Romy,
亨利终于上钩了 Henry finally took the bait.
我去喝杯咖啡 I'm gonna grab a coffee.
咯咯 咯咯 Ca-kaw! Ca-caw!
他要去了吗 Is it going down?
马上就过去了 It's going down.
但亨利能否注意到 But whether or not Henry would notice
替罗密代班的美女咖啡师 the cute barista who was covering for Romy
-还有待观察 -轮到他了 - remained to be seen. - He's next!
嗨 陌生人 Hey, stranger.
我得用上所有的自控力 才能不去阻止这件事 Ooh, it is taking every ounce of self-control I have not to block this.
我希望别人幸福 It's like I want people to be happy.
但另一方面 我并不希望如此 But on the other hand, no, I don't.
给你 亨利 Here you go, Henry.
天呐 她给了他一个曲奇饼干 Oh, my God. She gave him a cookie.
他并没有点曲奇 她却给他了 She gave him a cookie he didn't even order.
我没有点曲奇 I didn't order this cookie.
我知道 I know.
我就想着 你可能想尝尝 I just thought maybe you'd like to try it.
这里面有坚果 It has nuts.
你可以吃旁边的部分 You can eat around the nuts.
不了 谢谢 太麻烦了 我不想吃 No, thanks. Too much work. I don't want it.
他把曲奇还回去了 He gave back the cookie.
谁会把曲奇还回去啊 又不是燕麦葡萄干饼干 Now, who gives back a cookie unless it's oatmeal raisin?
亨利 给你曲奇是我表达... Look, Henry, the cookie was my way of saying that --
你会把存货搞乱的 You're gonna screw up your inventory.
罗密去哪了 Where's Romy?
他把自己给绝缘了 Wow. He blocked himself.
他好像根本没意识到她在勾搭他 It's like he doesn't even realize she's hitting on him.
他驾驭不了情场啊 He has no game.
我们要是不帮他 他估计就要孤独终老了 And if we don't help him, he's probably gonna die alone.
真希望我没有不小心说出这样的预言 I really hope I didn't just accidentally predict that.
计划是这样的 So, here's the plan.
我们偷偷地收集亨利的情报 We covertly gather intel on Henry,
把他的资料放到所有约会网站 post him on every single dating site in existence,
帮他做好前期准备 让他万无一失 handle the pregame for him so he can't mess it up,
然后送上一堆 and then throw a mixer full of women
已经准备开约的女人 already predisposed to bang.
所以我们需要他的身高体重 Mm, okay, so we're gonna need his height, weight,
好恶 诞生石以及是否有性病 likes, dislikes, birthstone, and any STDs.
以及《老友记》里最喜欢的演员 And favorite cast member of "Friends."
我最喜欢钱德勒 Ooh! Mine's Chandler.
不过是喜欢他用讽刺来自卫 It's that sarcasm as a self-defense, though.
早上好啊 夏莫... Good morning, Charmo...
...妮卡 ...nique.
什么情况 没人在 我跟谁说早安去 What's this? There's no one here to say "Good morning" to.
这样的话 别人怎么才能知道要过一个愉快的... How then will people know to have a good --
早上好啊 乔安娜 Good morning, Joanna!
乔安娜 Joanna
她来了 There she is!
琳达 Linda.
红衣美女琳达 Linda in red
与我摇曳共舞 is dancing with me.
感谢你的领导力 琳达 Thank you for your leadership, Linda.
不客气 老板 You're welcome, sir.
-爸 -哦 泰伦斯 - Hey, Dad! - Oh, hey, Terrence.
我没有歌曲吗 Don't I get a song?
你唱"红衣美男泰伦斯"我也可以接受 I'm okay with "Terrence in red."
你这应该是番茄酱色 Actually, it's more of a ketchup-y color.
我不想让大家以为 And I wouldn't want people to think
你是我女婿 我就偏袒你 I'm favoring you because you're my son-in-law.
对 想法不错 Oh, right. Good thinking.
-还是小心为上 -看看是谁来了 - Better safe than sorry. - And who do we have here?
你是哪位 Who's this?
-我叫法蒂玛 -法蒂玛 - Oh, my name's fatima. - Fatima.
法蒂玛啊喂 法蒂玛啊喂 Fatim-a-way, Fatim-a-way
改自歌曲《The Lion Sleeps Tonight》
法蒂玛啊喂 法蒂玛啊喂 Fatim-a-way, Fatim-a-way
在广袤的丛林中 In the jungle, the mighty jungle
法蒂玛今夜安睡 Fatima sleeps tonight
你经常被人这么说吧 I bet you get that all the time, don't you?
不好意思 I'm sorry.
我是来面试管理职位的 I'm interviewing for an administrative position.
法蒂玛啊啊啊喂 Fatim-am-am-away
你走错楼层了 你可以走楼梯下到五层 You're on the wrong floor, but you can walk down to five.
直走就行 Just head straight.
爱死这个工作了 I love this job.
给你 Here you go.
你那天在办公室里那啥的那个那啥咋样了 So, how's whatever thing you were whatevering about in your office the other day?
我亲自重新设计了包装 Oh, I redesigned the package myself.
用了酷雅灰 暗含干燥之感 Went with a cool gray, which connotes dryness.
天呐 没错 酷雅灰真的暗示出... 对了 Oh, my God, yes, cool gray connotes the hell out of --Hey.
你喜欢远足吗 Do you like hiking?
什么 What?
你喜欢出门徒步远足吗 Do you like to go for hikes?
为什么 你喜欢吗 Why? Do you like hikes?
假如我喜欢呢 Let's say I did.
你会说 "太棒了 Would you be all, like, "Awesome!
咱们去远足吧 我最爱远足了"吗 "Let's go on a hike. Hiking is my favorite thing"?
不会 No.
远足超没劲 Yeah, hiking sucks.
你能站远一点然后舔舔嘴唇吗 Can you lick your lips and look off in the distance?
-啥 -我想给你加一张联系人照片 - What? - I want to add a photo of you to my contacts,
可我没有你照片 所以你能不能解开衬衣扣子 but I don't have one, so could you unbutton your shirt,
倚在门框上 lean against that doorframe,
然后慢慢地舔一圈嘴唇呢 像这样 and just, like, slowly lick your lips like...
你嗑药了吗 Are you on drugs?
没有 但如果我磕了药 你是不是会果取关呢 No, but if I were, would that be a deal-breaker?
爸 Dad?
我能 老板 Can I -- sir?
怎么了 孩子 Oh, what is it, boy?
并不是我不知感恩 Oh, well, it's not that I'm at all ungrateful
不喜欢自己办公室轮值游民的职位 for my position as alternate office floater.
只是我在想 It's just I was wondering since Fatima
-法蒂玛都有机会... - 谁 - was being given the opportunity to... - Who?
法蒂玛啊啊啊喂 Uh, Fatim-am-am-away?
对 没错 我超爱她 Oh. Oh, yeah. I love her.
没错 Right.
我在想我是不是也可以面试一下管理层 Um, I was wondering if maybe I could also interview for the administrative --
别傻了 泰伦斯 Don't be silly, Terrence.
那职位一看就铁定是法蒂玛的了 That job has Fatima's name written all over it.
我们公司可指着你轮值游动呢 And this company counts on you to float...alternately.
山姆 Sam.
亲爱的 Honey.
-妈 -你好啊 泰伦斯 - Hi, Mom. - Hello, Terrence.
我来接山姆吃午饭 I was just, uh, picking Sam up for lunch.
-你要一起吗 -他去不了 - Do you want to join us? - Oh, he can't.
他要忙着游来游去呢 He has, uh, a lot of floating to do.
而且他正准备游走呢 In fact, he was just about to float away.
其实我... Oh, actually --
游走吧 泰伦斯 Float away, Terrence.
哦 明白了 爸 Oh! Uh, copy that, Dad.
再见 妈 爱你哟 Uh, bye, Mom. Love you.
亲爱的 咱们去美餐一顿吧 Now, my love, let's go nourish ourselves.
山姆 还是别去了吧 Actually, sam, let's not.
你说什么 I beg your pardon?
看你对泰伦斯如此残忍 I'm afraid I just lost my appetite
恐怕已经让我没了胃口 watching you be so cruel to Terrence.
他娶了咱闺女 是咱们的家人了 He is married to our daughter. He's family now.
我不明白你为什么这么不喜欢他 I can't understand why you dislike him so much.
我理想中莫琳应该嫁给 I guess I always pictured Maureen
一个高大魁梧 with some strapping blue-collar bloke
真实身份其实是非洲王子的蓝领男子 who later turned out to be the prince of Zamunda.
不好意思 Well, I'm sorry.
在你能善待泰伦斯之前 But until you make things right with Terrence,
我会一个人吃午餐 I'll be lunching alone.
亚济明 Oh, Yazmin.
这主意太糟了 This is a bad idea.
我们别无他选 We have no other choice.
亨利什么个人信息都不透露 Henry didn't offer up any personal info,
我能拍到他的唯一照片 and the only pic I was able to get
是这样的 looks like this.
好了 Okay.
该死 有密码 Darn, it's password protected.
试试 1234亨利 Try "1234Henry."
不对 That's not it.
亨利69呢 Try "Henry69."
肯定不会是... I'm sure it's not --
我去 进去了 Oh, my God, we're in.
亨利 Henry.
我有个好主意 I got a great idea.
女士们 这是什么情况 Ladies, what's going on here?
因为在我看来你们像在 Because it looks to me like you're rifling
偷窃亨利的私人财产 through henry's personal belongings.
是的 Oh. We are.
不过 But...
我们有充足的理由 ...We have good reason.
我们想给亨利找个女人 We want to help Henry find a lady.
他就知道工作 不知道享乐 老板 He is all work and, like, no play, sir.
我们是说 不知享乐哦 And we mean no play.
他对待工作很认真 Well, he takes his job seriously.
他是追随自己内心的人 He's a man after my own heart.
没错 可工作结束后 Yes, but at the end of the day,
你回家后可以跟美娇妻相拥 you go home to your beautiful wife,
而亨利一般只能回家拌沙拉 whereas Henry goes home to a salad, usually.
哪能跟莎拉做爱啊 You can't make love to a salad.
我能帮些什么 What can I do to help?
查出他最喜欢《老友记》里哪个老友 Oh, find out who his favorite "Friend" is.
还有他得过淋病没 And if he ever had the clap.
不好意思 先生 Oh, sorry, sir.
没事 亨利 过来一起吧 Uh, no, Henry, please, join me.
你办公室不是有私人卫生间吗 Thought you had a private bathroom in your office.
没错 是有 Oh, I do. I do.
不过有时候 It's just that sometimes,
我喜欢跟群众一起解决问题 I like to make amongst the masses, you know.
-我知道了 -对 - Hmm. I see. - Yeah. Yeah.
不过 有时候那样 Although, you can pick up
你可能会染上什么罕见的病 some rather rare ailments doing just that.
你得过什么罕见的病吗 亨利 You ever pick up any rare ailments, Henry?
什么 Sir?
你感染过"她博拉"病毒吗 You ever contract the she-bola virus?
你那里染上过什么...那种病吗 Come down with a... rotten Richard?
你不小心下载过"黑名单"类的黄片吗 You ever accidentally download a bad episode of "Burn Notice"?
没有 No, sir.
没有啊 我也是 No. No, no. Me neither. Yeah.
-我感觉这样我好像尿不出来 -是啊 - I don't think it's gonna happen for me here today, sir. - No.
-确实 当然 -我先走了 - No, sure. Sure. - Just gonna shove off.
他没病 He's clean.
-嗯 听上去好像是的 -对 - Yeah. Sounded that way. - Yeah.
知道了 那我把他的资料从性病约炮网上撤下来 Noted. I will remove his profile from hotdatescoldsores.net.
对 好 Good. Yeah.
亨利可能没得过什么那方面的病 Henry may have been disease free,
但是我们要让他像病毒般疯狂传播 but we were about to make him go viral.
出现症状老鼠中有51%在实验中存活了下来 Now, 51% of the mice with symptoms survive the trial,
我觉得这就算成功了 which I'm calling a success.
早啊 亨利 你好吗 Good morning, Henry. And how are you?
我正在认真听汇报呢 Listening intently,
我们正在开会 as we're in the middle of a meeting.
话说你周四有时间吗 Listen, I was wondering if you were free on Thursday.
-有时间干什么 -跟我去喝一杯吧 - Free to do what? - Get a drink with me maybe.
我有东西要给你看 There's something I want to show you.
他有空 He's free.
你想给我看什么 What do you want to show me?
那我们到时候下班后 Um, I thought we could just leave
一起开车从单位直接过去吧 from the office after work and drive together.
-怎么样 -好啊 - Sound good? - Yes. Very.
那说定了 我们可能会到很晚 Great. It's gonna be a late night.
所以一定要好好休息哦 So make sure you rest up.
她最近行为很诡异啊 She's been acting so weird lately.
亨利 你疯了吗 她是想跟你上床啊 Henry, are you out of your mind? She wants you.
我说你别... Okay, don't...
别这样好吗 快住手 Don't do that. Don't do that!
她才不想跟我上床 She doesn't want me.
你可能不擅长领会人家的暗示 但是我擅长 You may not be good at reading between the lines, but I am.
好好休息 这绝对是对你有意思 老弟 "Rest up"? Oh, you are in for it, buddy.
你想让我去实验室 Now, do you want me to go down to the lab
给你来点精力增剂吗 and whip up some stamina sups?
-增剂 -增强药剂啊 到底要不要 - Sups? - Supplements! Yes or no?
拉里 别胡闹了 Larry, you're being ridiculous.
我们就跟兄妹一样 We're like brother and sister.
或者是表兄妹 Or cousins.
我有一次带我表妹去参加舞会 Took my cousin to the prom.
我可以毫不畏惧地说 And I am not afraid to say
我们做的事情可不止跳舞哦 that we did more than slow dance.
不要 Don't...
-告诉大家那个故事 -不能吗 - ...tell people that story. - No?
亨利对明晚超级超级激动 Henry is super, super excited about tomorrow night.
-是吗 -拉里反正是 - He is? - Well, Larry is,
不过我希望他能影响他一下 but I'm hoping it'll trickle down.
那就好 因为我找到了个好地方 Good because I found a great venue.
我在想咱们每人邀请 20个姑娘怎么样 I think we could each invite, mm, 20 girls?
20个 我连一个合适的都找不到呢 20? I'm having trouble finding one who's right.
你听听这个 Listen to this one.
"我爱大自然" "I love nature."
热爱大自然怎么了 What's wrong with nature?
没怎么 不过热爱自然的人通常不怎么好闻 Nothing, but the people who love it smell bad.
你再看看这个贱人 好恶心 And look at this bitch. Ugh.
她还挺漂亮的啊 She looks nice.
她就是电影《阁楼里的花》里的那种[乱伦] In a flowers-in-the-attic kind of way.
说她没跟自己的哥哥在上床谁信啊 Don't tell me she's not sleeping with her brother.
我说你等等 Whoa! Okay, hold up.
你这是在否决别人了啊 Now you're the one blocking.
否决 我才没有 Block-- blocking? I'm not blocking.
我只是知道亨利的品位 不好意思 I just know Henry's tastes, and sorry, but people who
"不喜欢动物"的人 "Don't like animals"
就没申请的必要了 need not apply.
亨利根本就没养小动物 Henry doesn't even have animals.
如果不喜欢动物 那就是种族歧视 If you don't like animals, you're racist.
这我可不同意 Mm, disagree.
我真的希望我们不是在浪费时间 I really hope we're not wasting our time on this,
因为我们给他免费送了一个曲奇饼干 because we served that cookie up on a platter,
-可是他根本一口没吃 -是啊 - and he didn't even bite. - Yeah.
我们或许可以邀请无数个有不称职老爸的姑娘 We could probably invite a million girls with bad dads,
可是亨利还是能找到法子搞砸 and Henry would still find a way to screw it up.
对 你得好好教教他 Mm-hmm. You're gonna have to coach him up.
找上你的宫城先生 Get your Mr. Miyagi on.
教教他怎么玩儿 好好准备一下 Teach him a little wax on, wax that ass.
那天晚上 我去亨利家 That night, I stopped by Henry's
帮他准备找到自己的节奏 to help him get his game on.
你来干什么 What are you doing here?
亨利 让我进去 我要跟你谈谈 Henry, let me in. I need to talk to you.
-谈什么 -先开门 - About what? - Open your door.
对一个那么注重礼貌的人来说 For someone so big on manners,
你这次好像忘记自己该有礼貌了啊 you seem to have forgotten yours.
-你想喝饮料吗 -想喝 谢谢 - Would you like a beverage? - Yes, please.
好 All right.
知道吗 去别人家之前 You know, it's, uh, customary
按照习惯应该先打个电话的 to call someone before dropping by.
有姑娘来你家找你 A girl walks into your house,
你开头第一句就跟人家说这个吗 and that's the first thing you say to her?
难怪你会这样一个人孤独寂寞呢 No wonder you're just sitting around being lonely.
我才不寂寞 我有好朋友菲利普·罗斯[著名作家]陪我 I'm not lonely. I have my good friend Philip Roth.
好吧 可能有一点寂寞 Maybe a little lonely.
或许我可以帮你 And maybe I can help you with that.
你干什么呢 Uh, what are you doing?
你找理由碰女人的时候她们通常会很喜欢的 Women like it when you find excuses to touch them.
可你从来不那样 You never do that.
我不喜欢无缘无故碰别人 Well, I don't like touching people for no reason.
我说的不是无缘无故的碰 Well, I'm not talking about for no reason.
而是有很明确很具体的理由那种 I'm talking about for a very, very specific reason.
我们这是要干什么 What are we doing here?
你使唤我教训我了那么长时间 I spend tons of time letting you boss me around,
现在轮到你了 and now it's your turn.
所以 第一课 我随意跟你聊天的时候 So, lesson number one, while I'm casually talking to you,
找些小理由来碰我 find some small excuse to touch me.
不错 做得漂亮 Great job. Great job.
进步很大嘛 That was excellent progress.
向你致敬 先生 那我先... Hats off to you, sir. So, yeah -- oh.
这是你的 真不好意思 This is yours. I'm really sorry.
那我们明天见了 And I will be seeing you tomorrow.
你找我吗 先生 You wanted to see me, sir?
泰伦斯 对... Terrence, yes, um...
我让琼帮你订了午餐 I had Joan order you some lunch.
我的小伙伴们肯定会嫉妒我的 Well, this will sure make my cube mates jealous.
谢谢 爸 Thanks, Dad.
我是想让你在我办公室吃完 I meant for you to eat it here in my office.
跟我一起 With me.
真的吗 Seriously?
真的 Seriously.
万分荣幸 I'd be honored.
哇塞 好可爱啊 Oh, wow, this looks lovely.
这是油炸韭葱吗 Is that a frizzled leek?
我们开门见山吧 泰伦斯 你... Let's cut the crap, Terrence. I mean...
你听我说 Look. Look.
你到底想要我怎么样 What is it you want from me, huh?
先生 我要的就跟 Well, sir, I... suppose I want
其他员工有权得到的一样吧 what everyone else at work seems entitled to --
爱 尊重 还有... Love, respect, and...
巧妙地把我的名字唱进歌里 my name worked cleverly into a song.
可是"泰伦斯"这名字不适合唱进歌里啊 Well, "Terrence" doesn't work cleanly into songs.
这名字难听 不像样 It's cumbersome, un-- ungainly.
布兰妮 《Oops! I did it again》
你觉得"哎呦 我又泰伦斯了"怎么样 Oh, what about "Oops, I Terranced again"?
别闹好吗 Be reasonable.
好吧 Fine.
但是如果我不表达出 But I would be remiss, sir,
你无缘无故拒绝我让我感到的沮丧 if I didn't articulate my frustration
那将是我个人的失职 先生 with your unwarranted rejection of me.
说实话 你这样引燃了我内心的愤怒之火 In fact, it ignites a burning rage in my soul.
你内心的愤怒之火被引燃就是这样吗 And this is you with a burning rage in your soul?
是的 先生 Absolutely, sir.
我头一回生这么大气 This is the angriest I've ever been.
真是醉了 That's fascinating.
要是我说你配不上我女儿 What if I said you weren't good enough for my daughter
你永远都配不上呢 and you never will be.
我坚决不同意这一说法 I would firmly disagree
而且我会问你还有没有其他的事让我帮忙 and ask if there's anything else I can help you with.
泰伦斯 Terrence.
你明白了吗 Don't you see?
你不是办公室轮值游民 You're not an alternate office floater.
言语攻击对你这个苍白虚弱的小子 The way verbal abuse passes right through
完全不起作用 你简直是天生做客服的料啊 your pale, clammy skin, you're customer service.
是吗 I am?
我给你升职怎么样 How would you like a promotion?
好啊 I'd love one!
谢谢你为泰伦斯转身 Thank you for choosing Terrence.
别握着我的手摇了 Stop shaking my hand.
-不好意思 -坐下 吃东西 - Oh, sorry. - Sit. Eat. Eat!
今晚终于到来了 The big night had finally arrived.
你看起来很棒 You look great.
谢谢 Thanks.
-你也是 -谢谢 - So do you. - Thanks.
话说 你别忘了 Hey, uh, so, uh, don't forget about
昨晚你是怎么向我放电的 that smolder you showed me last night.
那个啊 Yeah, about that.
伊莉莎 如果你直接告诉我 Eliza, I would feel a lot more comfortable
我可能会轻松舒适一点...我说 if you were to just come out and tell me -- hey.
你们叫我来到底干什么 What am I doing here?
好吧 Um, okay.
你知道你判断不出别人是不是对你有意思吧 You know how you can never tell if someone's hitting on you,
-比如那个咖啡师 -罗密吗 - like the barista? - Romy?
不是罗密 No, not Romy.
替罗密班的那个 给你曲奇的那个 Filling in for Romy. The cookie lady.
给我曲奇的那个 Cookie lady?
通过免费送我吃的 Was jeopardizing her inventory
来表达她对我感兴趣吗 by expressing sexual interest in me.
对 那叫调情 你个笨蛋 Yeah. It's called flirting, you idiot.
所以 因为你技术不到家而你又因为 So, because you have no game and you're grouchy
找不到妹子抱怨发牢骚 所以我们决定帮你 because you aren't getting any, we decided to help you out.
我明白了 I see.
这些人都跟你们俩非常相像 These women look remarkably like the both of you.
这就说明问题了 而且说实话 有点悲哀 This is very telling, and a little sad, frankly.
你在说什么呢 What are you talking about?
这里至少一半的女人美到掉渣好吗 At least half the women here are downright beautiful.
很显然 此事跟我没有一点关系 Clearly, this has nothing to do with me
都是你们两个人的事 and everything to do with the two of you.
你们这简直是在侮辱我 This is incredibly insulting.
我只是想帮你 I was just trying to help you.
我不需要帮助 I don't need help.
我不跟别人乱搞滥交 Just because I'm not sexually promiscuous
并不意味着我有问题 doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me.
还有我说明一下 And for the record...
我一个人很好 谢谢关心 ...I do all right, thank you very much.
我还要说明一下 A-and let the record also show
我真的不喜欢吃那种曲奇 that I'm not interested in that cookie.
对了 再说一句 And -- and -- and off the record...
并不是每个人都觉得滥交是万能的 Not everybody thinks that casual sex is a cure-all.
有些人就是在寻找真爱 Some of us happen to be looking for the real thing.
好吧 亨利69 Okay, Henry69.
那个 那个是参照登月年份取的 That -- that is in reference to the moon landing,
还有你们无权进我的办公室 and you had no right to be in my office!
我不能让亨利生气跑开 I couldn't let Henry walk away mad at me.
我需要道歉 I needed to apologize.
我还需要用他的信用卡来付酒吧账单 I also needed his credit card to pay for the bar tab.
♪ I met my future yesterday ♪
你这是想明抢我的车吗 So, you're just going to uber-jack me?
不好意思 我不是故意的 Oh, that was not my intention.
我真的以为这是我的 I sincerely thought this was mine.
其实 可能就是你的 You know what? Oh, maybe it is.
你这是在暗示什么吗 Are you saying that in a suggestive manner,
因为刚有人跟我说 because I've been told I'm really bad
我真的不擅长理解对我感兴趣的女人的暗示 at reading cues from women who are sexually attracted to me.
你确实不擅长理解暗示 I think you're bad at reading cues in general.
但是话说回来 我可能也是这样 But then again, the same thing could probably be said for me.
真的吗 Really?
那如果我说 So, if I were to say something like,
"你想找个安静的地方喝一杯吗" 你会说 "Would you like to go somewhere quiet for a drink," You'd say?
就相对音量而言 In terms of relative volume,
我们已经在一个安静的地方了 we're already somewhere very quiet.
这跟我想说的真是太相似了 That sounds remarkably like something I would say.
或许我们这样的人是不可能在一起的 Probably be impossible for two people like us to get together.
或许吧 Probably.
那样的话 晚安 女士 In that case, goodnight, madam.
你也是 先生 Oh, and to you, sir.
♪ I lost myself ♪
亨利 Henry!
快收下曲奇啊 Take the cookie!
我 我正要收下呢 I -- yeah. I was about to.
♪ I lost myself ♪
我又想了想... Um, on second thought...
♪ I lost myself in the dream you gave me ♪
看着亨利坐上那辆车走掉... Watching Henry speed away in that car...
不用谢 You're welcome.
真是苦乐参半 我必须承认 ...was bittersweet, I had to admit.
我该去阻止吗 Should I block it?
好吧 Yeah.
我要去阻止了 I'm-a block it.