啊 我们居然没试过 真舒服 Ah, I can't believe we've never done this. It's so good!
摩妮卡好舒服 It's so good for Monica.
时间到 该我了 Time's up! My turn.
- 已经半小时了？ - 计时器是你的 - That was half an hour? - It's your timer.
- 好 - 好吧 - Okay. - All right.
我不想自夸 但我最会按摩了 I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages.
那就给我按下去吧 All right, then massage me up right nice!
啊 啊… Aah! Aah! Aah.
很舒服吧？ It's so good, isn't it?
舒服到我觉得我无福消受 I don't know what I did to deserve it.
跟瘦痛肌肉说再见吧 Say goodbye to sore muscles!
肌肉再见 Goodbye, muscles!
她的按摩技术烂到不行 She gives the worst massages ever.
感觉就像她在拷问我 It was like she was torturing me for information.
我很想招 又不知道要招什么 I wanted to give it up. I just didn't know what it was!
要是真的很痛 你应该告诉她 If it hurts that bad, you should tell her.
我这辈子第一次这么认真 For the first time, I'm in a real relationship.
我才不要因为说实话而搞砸 I won't screw that up by telling the truth.
小心 Dude, look out!
你差点踩扁我的帽子 You almost crushed my hat.
对不起 Sorry.
兔子跑走了 And the bunny got away.
你该解释这顶帽子的事了 This would be the place where you explain the hat.
哦 耶 Oh. Yeah.
对 现在有一出舞台剧 There's this play, right?
我要去应征一个 很高档的角色 I'm up for the part of this cool, suave, international guy.
他很会穿衣服 所以我想说… A clothes horse, so I figure...
去试镜的人 一定都会穿得很时尚 ...everyone at the audition will wear ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
你要把他们都变不见？ And you'll make them disappear?
就像你会发现这个复杂的东西 Like you could find something this sophisticated.
搞定 Done!
乔伊 你可以来找我选衣服 If you want to look good, come to the store. I'll help you.
- 谢谢 - 不客气 - Thanks! - Sure.
拜托快拿掉 Please, take those off!
嘿 菲比 今天好吗？ Hey, Pheebs. How's it going?
还好而已 因为我刚去过医院 Um, only okay. Because I just got back from the hospital.
你还好吗？ Are you all right?
我很好 但是我外婆死了 I'm fine. But, uh, my grandma sort of died.
- 菲比 真抱歉 - 没关系 - Pheebs, sorry. - It's okay.
她这一生过得很精彩 She had a really incredible life.
我也不是永远见不到她 她会来找我 It's not like I won't see her again. She'll visit.
也许她现在就在这里？ Maybe she's with us right now.
是啊 第一天进入新世界 结果跑来咖啡馆 Right. She's on a new spiritual plane and she'll come to the coffeehouse.
外面车上有两个人在嘿咻 I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside!
菲比的外婆刚过世 Uh, Pheebs' grandmother just died.
天哪 对不起 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
没关系 其实这样还蛮酷的 Actually, it's kind of cool. Because it's like...
一个生命结束 另一个生命诞生 ...you know, one life ends and another begins.
他们的做法很难 Not the way they're doing it.
怎么回事？她是怎么过世的？ What happened? How did she die?
我们在超市 We were in the market...
她弯腰去拿优格 就再也没起来过 ...and she bent down to get some yogurt and never came back up again.
真令人遗憾 I'm so sorry.
她最后说的话倒很窝心 The last thing she said was
"你去拿蛋 我拿优格 我们在出口见" "You get the eggs, I'll get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter."
你们知道吗？ You know what?
我们绝对会在人生的出口见 We will meet at the checkout counter.
(布鲁明戴尔百货公司)
衣服得归还 Since you're returning all this stuff...
所以你得穿内裤 ...you'll have to wear underwear.
好 那你还得拿内裤给我 All right. You'd better show me that too.
还少了点什么 It's missing something.
我知道了 好 Oh, I know. Um, okay.
皮包喔？ Really? A purse?
这不是皮包 是手提包 It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag.
- 很像女人的皮包 - 不 - It looks like a woman's purse. - No.
相信我 春季型录上的男模都在背 Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog.
你看 男人背包包 See, look. Men carrying the bag.
你看 女人背包包 See, look. Women carrying the bag.
我一个男人背女用皮包 居然很帅 But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
没错 男女通用 Exactly. Unisex!
你或许需要 我2天前刚做过 Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
不 我是说男女通用 No, Joey. U-N-I sex.
我绝对不会拒绝 I ain't going to say no to that!
- 哪位？ - 菲比 - Who is it? - It's Phoebe.
太好了 Oh, great!
原来是你 Oh, you.
有什么事？ Um, what's up?
有个坏消息 我可以进去吗？ Um, well, I sort of have some bad news. Can I come in?
还是不要好了 Um, no, thanks.
额… Um...
- 这个嘛 外婆今天死了 - 哇 - Well, um, Grandma died today. - Wow!
她不是5年前就死了？ Didn't she die like five years ago?
不是 她今天刚死 No, she just died today.
明天要举行告别式 Um, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.
我参加过她的告别式了 Okay, I know I went to that already.
你才没有 No, you didn't!
那是谁死了5年？ Then who's been dead?
很多人 Lots of people!
你到底要不要来？ Look, are you coming or not?
不要 Um, no.
我以为她已经死了 我已经接受这件事了 I thought she was dead, so I've made my peace.
而且我明天要听演唱会 Plus I'm going to a concert.
我也想找你 但我只剩两张票 I'd invite you, but, um, I only have two tickets left.
- 好 你慢慢听 - 谢了 你慢慢告别 - Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. - Thanks. Enjoy your funeral!
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
崔比亚尼伯母 你长得真像令郎 You look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani.
什么？你在说我的男用包包？ What? Are you referring to my man's bag?
我原以为它只中看 结果它也很中用 你们看 I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too.
各种夹层都有 It's got compartments for all your stuff.
- 放皮夹的 放钥匙的 放电话簿的 - 放化妆品的 - Your wallet, keys, address book... - Your makeup.
乔伊 你怎么背着包包？你明天才试镜 What are you doing? The audition's tomorrow.
但现在是三明治时间 Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.
要是沾到芥末就不能还了 You get mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
干嘛要还？我爱这个包包 Why would I return this? I love this bag!
- 好 那你欠我350 - 好 - All right, then you owe me $350. - Fine.
你收VA SA或玩事达卡吗 Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card?
乔伊 Joey...
别紧张啦 你帮我拿到这个角色 到时领了钱就给你 Relax, I'll pay you with the money from the job I'll get. Thanks to you.
什么角色 老姨妈？ What's the part? Auntie Mame?
别理他们 我觉得很性感 Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.
你加我的性感？ You-and-I sexy?
潘奈拉太太 谢谢你来 Hello, Mrs. Pinilla. Thank you for coming.
这是你的3D眼镜 Here's your, um, 3-D glasses.
要戴时牧师会说 Reverend Pong will say when to put them on.
嗨 Hi, sweetie.
- 你还好吗？ - 还好 - How are you holding up? - Fine.
菲比 节哀顺变 Hey, Pheebs. I'm so sorry.
我外婆有个一模一样的包包 You know what? My grandma had the exact same bag!
我带了花来 I brought you flowers.
谢谢 Oh, thanks!
这样感觉有男人味多了 Pulling flowers out makes the bag look masculine.
请问告别式是在这里吗？ Excuse me, is this the, uh, memorial?
欢迎 Welcome.
这是你的3D眼镜 Here's your 3-D glasses.
好 All right.
你是怎么认识法兰西丝的？ So how did you know Frances?
我们多年不见 Actually, I hadn't seen her for years.
我以前跟她和她的女儿很亲 But, um, I was pretty tight with her and her daughter.
是吗？尊姓大名？ What's your name?
法兰克布非 Frank Buffay.
更正 其实我叫…乔 You know what? Strike that. My name, uh, actually, is Joe.
额 乔 额 乔希尔 Um, uh, Joe, uh, Hill.
- 你是法兰克布非？ - 不是 乔希尔 - You're Frank Buf... - Shh. No! Joe Hill.
你刚才说… You just said...
我该走了 谢谢你来 I got to go. Thank you so much for coming.
但是… But...
我的天哪 Oh, my God!
怎么了？ What happened?
那是我爸 That was my dad.
- 天哪 什么？ - 你们看 - Oh, my God! What? - Check it out!
我的手好像正朝着我来 It's like it's coming right at me.
- 追到他了吗？ - 他怎么说？ - Did you catch him? - What did he say?
他说"很高兴认识你 葛兰达" He said, um, "Nice to meet you, Glenda."
我当然不能说出真名 I couldn't give him my real name.
为什么？ Why not?
你们也看到他走得像飞了 You saw the way he ran.
难不成他会留下来 跟他抛弃的女儿聊天？ You think he'd talk to the daughter he abandoned?
那你怎么说？ What did you say to him?
我自称法兰西丝的遗嘱执行人 有事找他谈 I said I was the executor of the will and I needed to talk to him.
我们待会约在咖啡馆 I'm going to meet him at the coffeehouse.
请各位就座 Could everyone take their seats?
我现在没办法想这个 I just can't think about that now.
- 我只想跟我外婆道别 - 好 - I want to say goodbye to my grandma. - Okay.
走吧 Let's go say goodbye.
我要去面试了 怎么样？ I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
帅呆了 那个包包会让你被选上 Great! That bag will get you that part.
还能钓到男人 And a date with a man.
随你怎么取笑我 这个包包很棒 You know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag.
而且是好看又好用 And it's as handy as it is becoming.
你们不懂不代表是错的 Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong.
以后你们都得习惯有乔伊… You guys have to get used to the fact that Joey...
就有包包 ...comes with a bag!
我也该走了 我得去见我爸 I've got to meet my dad.
你会表明你的身份吗？ Will you tell him who you are?
先不会 我不想吓跑他 Not at first. I don't want to freak him out.
但是你不气他吗？ But aren't you pissed at him?
这家伙遗弃了你 This guy abandoned you.
如果是我 他就等着挨揍吧 If it were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger.
我会走进去说"喂 老爸 I'd walk in there, I'd be like, "Yo, Dad!
我们现在就出去解决" You and me, outside. Right now!"
我都吓到自己了 I kind of scared myself.
那起码有吓到人 Well, at least you scared someone.
说也奇怪 我应该很生气 You'd think I'd be angry.
我应该很想扭断他那颗头 You'd think I'd want to rip his tiny little head off!
幸好我已经释怀了 Fortunately, I'm past it.
你看起来的确有点紧张 我帮你捏捏 You do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.
放开我 Oh, get off! Ow!
住手 你为什么这样整我？ Stop it! Why are you doing that to me?
你在说什么？ What are you talking about?
身为一个按摩师和一个人类 As a masseuse and a human...
我恳求你永远别帮别人按摩 ...I'm begging you, never do that to anyone.
我很会按摩啊 I give good massages.
我以前都帮瑞秋按摩 是她后来会过敏 I gave them to Rachel before she got allergic.
钱德也很喜欢 你看 And Chandler, he loves them! Watch.
他才不喜欢 他痛得快要死了 He does not like it. He's in pain!
- 他才没有 - 他有 - No, he's not. - Yes, he is!
- 什么？ - 对不起 但是… - What? - I'm sorry but, ow!
你一直在骗我？ You've been lying to me?
我真不敢相信 I can't believe that.
也许他只是不希望你难过 Maybe he didn't want to hurt you.
但我们一旦开始欺骗对方… But the minute we start to lie to each other...
我说的"我们" And by "we"...
指的是社会 ...I mean society.
你好了就开始 Anytime you're ready.
你一定是新来的 Ahem, well, you must be new here.
我们找张桌子 我请你喝一杯 Maybe we get a table, I buy you a drink.
抱歉 你能不能不要背皮包？ Could you try it without the purse?
当然可以 Yeah, sure.
你一定是新来的 我们找张… Ahem, well, you must be new here. Maybe we sit...
- 我可以问件事吗？ - 可以 什么事？ - Can I ask you something? - Sure. What?
第一 这不是皮包 Well, first, it's not a purse.
好 Okay...
再来 Anytime.
别以为这是女用皮包 If you think it's a woman's bag, it's not.
这是男用提包 It's a man's bag.
好的 继续吧 Okay. And go.
我拿型录给你看 Let me show you the catalog.
你看 Look. See?
哈？这是最新流行 Huh? It's the latest thing.
每个人都有 男人 女人 小孩都在背 Everyone's got one. Men, women, children.
你在推销这些包包吗？ Do you sell these?
不是 这些包包摆着就能卖 No, these babies sell themselves.
好 谢谢 你表现得很好 Thank you. That was great.
我什么都还没念 But I didn't read anything.
我想这样就够了 I think we've seen enough.
那好 再见 All right, I'll see you.
搞定了 搞定了 We got it. We got it.
- 瑞秋在吗？ - 不在 - Is Rachel here? - No.
听我说 我想为下午和按摩的事道歉 Listen, I just wanted to apologize about the whole massage thing.
我很喜欢你的按摩 I really like them.
别再硬撑了 Please stop.
我们应该坦诚相对 We're supposed to be honest.
我只希望你能明白告诉我 "我不喜欢你的按摩" I wish you could tell me, "I don't like your massages."
我不喜欢你的按摩 I don't like your massages.
看吧 又没什么 See? It's no big deal.
但是你哭了 But now you're crying.
我不是在哭这个 我是在哭工作的事 I'm not crying about that. I'm crying about something at work.
我男朋友说他不喜欢我的按摩 My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.
你又不必事事都抢第一 You don't have to be best at everything.
天哪 你一点也不了解我 Oh, my God! You don't know me at all!
好 Okay...
你的按摩技术天下第一烂 You give the worst massages in the world.
我在哭耶 I'm crying here!
听我说完 Look, hear me out.
比烂的话你最棒 You give the best bad massages.
如果有人在找最棒的烂按摩 If anybody was looking for the best bad massage...
他们自问 "谁的烂技术最棒？" ...and they thought, "Who's the best?"
那绝对非你莫属 They'd have to go to you.
嗯 Huh.
你的意思是 如果有最佳… So you're saying that if there was an award...
烂按摩技术奖 那谁会得奖？ ...for the best bad massage... Who would get that?
一定是你 It would be you!
你 摩妮卡 你会大获全胜 You, Monica! And you'd get all the votes.
或许这个奖可以叫摩妮卡奖？ So they could call the award, "The Monica"?
一定会的 Absolutely.
好 Okay...
我烂透了 I suck!
(中央咖啡厅)
谢谢你来见我 Thank you for meeting me.
谢谢 Thank you.
这边坐 Come sit.
坐啊 Sit.
坐 Sit!
好的 在开始之前 你必须… Um, alrighty. Um, before we get started, I need you...
郑重声明 你其实是法兰克布非 ...to state for the record that you are, in fact, Frank Buffay.
是的 我是 Yes, I am. Mm-hm.
- 好 - 法兰西丝留给我什么？ - Okay. - So, what did Frances leave me?
- 哈？ - 这是你找我来的原因吧？ - Huh? - That's why you wanted me to come.
是的 Oh, yes.
的确有 她留给你… Yes, she did. She left you, um...
这支口红 ...this lipstick.
噢 嗯 Oh. Huh.
这真是…这是用过的 Oh, it's, ew, used.
酷 Uh, cool.
好 我要请教几个问题 我把相关表格拿出来 I have just a few questions to ask, so I'll get out my official forms.
好 第一个问题 So question one:
你娶了法兰西丝的女儿莉莉 正不正确？ You were married to Frances' daughter, Lilly. Correct?
对 没错 Yes, I was.
好 第二个问题 这段婚姻… Okay, um, question two: Um, did that marriage end...
一 很美满 ...A, happily...
二 普通 ...B, medium...
或是三 你最后… ...or, C, in the total abandonment...
抛妻弃子 ...of her and her two children?
表上真的这么写？ It really says that?
对 你看 Yeah, see?
那我就得选三了 I guess then I would have to say C.
抛妻弃子 Total abandonment.
抛弃的原因 Reasons for abandonment:
一 在机密政府工作 Um, A, top secret government work...
二 失忆症 ...B, amnesia...
或是三 你就是个自私不负责的… ...or, C, you're just a selfish, irresponsible...
大坏蛋 ...bad, bad man.
其实我没那么想要这支口红 I don't want the lipstick that much.
请你帮个忙 Would you do me a favor?
把这个… Would you give Lilly...
交给莉莉 什么？ ...that, please? What?
请把那张纸条交给她 When you see Lilly, give her that note.
我本来想在告别式上找她谈 I wanted to talk to her at the memorial...
但我觉得她也会像你这样发飙 就临阵退缩了 ...but I pictured her getting mad the way you did, and I chickened out.
我写了那张纸条 请帮我转交 I wrote her a note. Give it to her, please?
你想来找莉莉？ But you came to see Lilly?
对 怎么了？ Yeah. Why?
莉莉死了 Lilly's dead.
什么？ She what?
她死了 She's dead.
你确定？ Are you sure?
没死被火化就严重了 If she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake.
我真不敢相信 I can't believe this. I just can't believe...
怎么会？天哪 How? Oh, my God.
多久的事？ How long ago?
17年前 Seventeen years ago.
噢 Oh.
那女孩们呢？ What about the girls?
乌苏在当服务生 住在苏活 Well, Ursula is a waitress and she lives in Soho.
菲比… And Phoebe...
就坐在这张沙发上 ...is on this couch.
没错 口红和女儿 真是黄道吉日 Yep, lipstick and a daughter. Big day for you.
菲比 我… Phoebe, I, um...
哎呀 Whoops.
我不知道该说什么 It's just, I don't know what to say.
你居然是我的女儿 你长得这么漂亮 I just can't believe that you're my daughter. You're so pretty.
那个跟这个无关 Yes, well, that's neither here nor there.
如果我说我很抱歉 Would it make you feel better if I said...
你会不会好过一点？ ...that I was very, very sorry I left?
你说什么都没差了 It doesn't matter what you say. It won't make a difference.
所以你可以走了 So you can just go.
我要辩解一下 我很不会当爸爸 Well, you know, in my defense, I was a lousy father.
- 这叫辩解？ - 没错 - That's your defense? - Yes, it is.
我把牛奶烧焦 把尿布换反 I burned the formula, and I put your diapers on backwards.
我编了一首歌哄你睡觉 结果你哭得更厉害 I made up a song to sing to you, but that made you cry even more.
你会写歌？ You make up songs?
只有那一首 不过很白痴 Well, no, just that one. But it was stupid.
我想想怎么唱… Let's see, how did it go? Um...
爱困妹 爱困妹 Sleepy girl, sleepy girl
你为什么不睡觉？ Why won't you go to sleep?
爱困妹 爱困妹 Sleepy girl, sleepy girl
你害我不能睡觉 You're keeping me up
这种事我不太行 I'm not very good at this.
我很行 Well, I am.
现在还不行 Not yet. No.
嘿 Hey.
嘿 结果如何？ Hey! How'd the audition go?
经纪人说没中 Estelle said I didn't get it.
什么？怎么可能？你准备得那么充分 What? Why? Joey, you were so ready for it.
我也这么想 I thought so too...
但她说选角的人对我有意见 ...but the casting people had problems with me.
什么意见？ What kind of problem?
老实说 To tell you the truth...
他们不喜欢这个包包 - 噢 天哪 ...they had a problem with the bag! - Oh, my God!
反正也是出烂戏 You know what? It was a stupid play anyway.
你该放弃这个包包了 It's time to give up the bag.
我不想放弃它 I don't want to give up the bag.
我不必放弃它 对吧 瑞秋？ I don't have to give it up, do I, Rach?
你觉得我应该放弃 You think I should give up the bag!
乔伊 对不起 我觉得你背起来很帅 Joey, I'm sorry. As terrific as I think you are with it...
但世人或许还没办法接受你们 ...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.
你居然这么说 I can't believe this!
等等 我不是说你不该带包包 Wait, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a bag.
但有其他争议性比较小的… There are other bags that are maybe a little less...
包包 ...controversial.
对 叫做皮夹 Yeah, um, they're called wallets.