1 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,640 {\an5}m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8 2 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,640 {\an5}m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8 3 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,640 {\an5}{\pos(145,227)}m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8 4 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:31,640 {\pos(67,223)}m 50 0 l 179 0 b 208 0 229 21 229 50 l 229 179 b 229 208 208 228 179 228 l 50 228 b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0 5 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:31,640 {\pos(67,223)}m 0 0 b 1 -1 2 -2 4 -1 b 7 1 3 2 5 5 b 6 7 8 7 9 5 l 15 -6 b 18 -7 20 -6 20 -3 b 19 -1 17 2 17 4 b 16 7 20 7 21 6 b 22 4 23 2 25 -1 b 27 -2 29 -1 29 1 b 29 2 28 3 29 5 b 30 7 32 7 33 6 b 34 5 34 4 35 3 b 37 2 39 3 39 5 b 39 6 38 8 37 9 b 34 13 29 13 25 9 b 22 13 17 13 13 9 b 10 13 3 13 0 8 6 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:31,640 {\pos(84,223)}m 325 0 l 355 0 l 332 47 l 354 47 l 399 136 l 369 136 l 328 53 l 288 136 l 257 136 l 325 0 m 467 0 l 497 0 l 474 47 l 496 47 l 541 136 l 511 136 l 470 53 l 430 136 l 399 136 l 467 0 m 545 1 l 583 1 l 583 14 l 568 14 l 568 19 l 583 19 l 583 30 l 568 30 l 568 34 l 599 34 l 599 30 l 583 30 l 583 19 l 599 19 l 599 14 l 583 14 l 583 1 l 611 1 b 616 1 622 6 622 10 l 622 36 l 652 0 l 678 0 l 644 41 l 622 41 l 622 47 l 596 47 l 597 54 l 625 54 l 625 68 l 541 68 l 541 54 l 572 54 l 571 47 l 545 47 l 545 1 m 583 72 l 583 85 l 569 85 l 569 90 l 598 90 l 598 85 l 583 85 l 583 72 l 611 72 b 615 72 621 78 621 82 l 653 44 l 678 44 l 644 86 l 621 86 l 621 103 l 597 103 l 597 136 l 570 136 l 564 126 l 562 136 l 542 136 l 548 107 l 568 107 l 565 121 l 571 121 l 571 103 l 547 103 l 547 72 l 583 72 m 600 107 l 620 107 l 624 124 l 653 89 l 679 89 l 642 136 l 615 136 l 618 132 l 606 132 l 600 107 m 689 0 l 716 0 l 721 15 l 732 15 l 732 30 l 718 56 l 731 56 l 735 100 l 721 100 l 717 59 l 714 64 l 714 136 l 693 136 l 693 79 l 676 79 l 707 30 l 679 30 l 679 15 l 694 15 l 689 0 m 738 0 l 804 0 b 807 0 813 6 813 9 l 813 87 l 794 87 l 794 14 l 756 14 l 756 87 l 763 77 l 763 21 l 787 21 l 787 91 l 798 91 l 798 120 l 820 120 l 812 136 l 778 136 l 778 90 l 748 136 l 723 136 l 756 87 l 738 87 l 738 0 m 257 151 l 275 151 l 297 182 l 319 151 l 337 151 l 304 197 l 304 227 l 290 227 l 290 197 l 257 151 m 337 151 l 355 151 l 377 182 l 399 151 l 417 151 l 384 197 l 384 227 l 370 227 l 370 197 l 337 151 m 425 192 l 447 192 b 445 181 427 181 425 192 l 410 192 b 414 162 458 162 462 192 l 462 206 l 425 206 b 425 210 429 212 433 213 l 462 213 l 462 227 l 433 227 b 412 227 408 203 410 192 m 462 151 l 532 151 l 532 165 l 504 165 l 504 227 l 489 227 l 489 165 l 462 165 l 462 151 m 580 172 l 580 186 l 549 186 b 543 186 543 192 549 192 l 565 192 b 589 192 589 227 565 227 l 532 227 l 532 213 l 565 213 b 570 213 570 206 565 206 l 549 206 b 524 206 524 172 549 172 l 580 172 m 592 213 l 606 213 l 606 227 l 592 227 l 592 213 m 639 172 l 665 172 l 665 186 l 639 186 b 623 186 623 213 639 213 l 665 213 l 665 227 l 639 227 b 603 227 603 172 639 172 m 700 184 b 722 184 722 215 700 215 l 700 229 b 740 229 740 170 700 170 b 660 170 660 229 700 229 l 700 215 b 680 215 680 184 700 184 m 737 172 l 782 172 b 803 172 813 177 813 198 l 813 228 l 799 228 l 799 198 b 799 186 793 187 782 187 l 782 228 l 768 228 l 768 187 l 752 187 l 752 228 l 737 228 l 737 172 7 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:31,640 {\pos(99,242)}原创翻译 双语字幕 8 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,640 {\pos(235.108,242)}最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利 9 00:00:32,640 --> 00:01:03,150 {\an9}m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1 10 00:00:32,140 --> 00:01:03,150 {\an2}{\pos(26,248)}m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1 11 00:00:33,150 --> 00:00:38,150 {\an4}{\pos(35,235)}翻译 油腻希 洗七里 12 00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:43,150 {\an4}{\pos(35,235)}翻译 Flora哎呀呀 告别致辞赛太公 13 00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:48,150 {\an4}{\pos(35,235)}校对 新浪微博@赛太公 14 00:00:48,150 --> 00:00:53,150 {\an4}{\pos(27,235)}时间轴 三水 15 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:58,150 {\an4}{\pos(35,235)}后期 上班看小说被COO抓获的苦逼瓜 16 00:00:58,150 --> 00:01:03,150 {\an4}{\pos(35,235)}总监 生无可恋瓜 17 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:31,360 {\pos(183,240)}家 庭 18 00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:31,360 {\pos(183,74)}摩 登 19 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:33,240 {\pos(304,242)}第十季 第二十一集 20 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,160 要命 ‭Oh, boy. 21 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,610 又到了牲口拍卖季的第一天了吗 Is it already the first day of livestock auction season again? 22 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,060 每年都是同一天啊 米奇尔 It's the same day every year, Mitchell -- 23 00:00:12,060 --> 00:00:14,000 第一颗番茄成熟后的第十五天 a fortnight after the first ripe tomato comes in. 24 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:14,690 而且说真的 And seriously? 25 00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:16,980 现在的拍卖叫价都这么业余了吗 This is what passes for auction-calling these days? 26 00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,250 你会不会太严苛了一点 Is it possible you're being a tad harsh? 27 00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,160 当你曾经是某个领域的顶尖人物 You know, when you've been at the top of your field -- 28 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,960 大巴格县拍卖叫价冠军 Greater Bug County Auction-Calling Champ 29 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,070 还连续赢了三年 three years running -- 30 00:00:24,070 --> 00:00:26,050 那你眼里就只能看到缺点和不足 it's hard to see anything but the inadequacies. 31 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:28,000 所以巴瑞辛尼科夫才没法观看其他舞蹈 It's why Baryshnikov couldn't watch others dance. 32 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:28,000 {\an8}芭蕾舞界传奇巨星 33 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,220 什么 他明明担任过艺术总监... What? He was the Artistic Director of -- 34 00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:32,050 你都在这房子里住了多久了 How long have you lived in this house?! 35 00:00:32,050 --> 00:00:34,350 最后你会发现是一头叫巴瑞辛尼科夫的猪 It's gonna wind up being some pig named Baryshnikov 36 00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:35,630 或叫其他鬼名字的 or some damn thing. 37 00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:38,310 你的小号课上得怎么样了 So, how was your trumpet lesson? 38 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,760 太美妙了 It was amazing. Yeah. 39 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,800 那些课程[疗程]真的改变了我的人生 Oh, these sessions just have really changed my life. 40 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:45,070 严格来说 我没说谎 Technically, uh, not a lie. 41 00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:47,790 我从两年前开始上小号课 Uh, I started taking trumpet lessons two years ago. 42 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,500 但之后我发现隔壁店的按摩 But then I noticed the place next door 43 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,400 跟课程同样价格 于是... was offering massages for the same price, so... 44 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:53,980 你懂的 you know. 45 00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:57,380 我很内疚 自己去放松 而小卡... And I felt bad relaxing while Cam was... 46 00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,640 一个人照顾莉莉 solo-parenting Lily. 47 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,230 但话说回来 我俩都是跟一个 But -- But we were both spending time 48 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:03,540 亚洲女性共处 让她踩背[羞辱] with an Asian woman who walked all over us. 49 00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:05,010 你每次从那里回来 You always smell like lavender 50 00:01:05,010 --> 00:01:06,160 身上都有薰衣草的味道 when you come back from that place. 51 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,060 那个是 是阀键油 Uh, yeah, it's the -- it's the valve oil 52 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:08,830 上在...你知道 for the, um -- you know, 53 00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,500 就是上在... 小号的按键里 the t-- the tooting buttons. ‭ 54 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,100 我们该尽快出发了 We should probably, uh, hit the road soon. 55 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,970 一小时后就要举行高中毕业典礼了 High school graduation's in an hour. ‭ 56 00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:15,250 好丢脸啊 It's so humiliating 57 00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,240 以副校长身份出席这种活动 being the Vice Principal at these things. 58 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,720 这只是象征性的地位 It's just a ceremonial position 59 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,030 其实我只是坐在布朗校长身后 where you have to sit behind Principal Brown, 60 00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:21,950 礼貌地鼓掌 politely clapping 61 00:01:21,950 --> 00:01:24,200 眼看他设定历史的进程 while he gets to set the course of history. 62 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,660 不过我爸要在毕业典礼上致辞 Well, it could be fun with my dad giving 63 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,910 应该会很有意思 the commencement address, though. 64 00:01:26,910 --> 00:01:28,140 我偷瞄了他的备忘卡 I got a peek at his note cards, 65 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:29,880 我不想剧透里面的内容 and I don't want to give anything away, 66 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,610 但是那个头上涂满发蜡 but the young kid who boarded the bus 67 00:01:31,610 --> 00:01:32,830 手提着纸板行李箱 with the hair full of Brylcreem 68 00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:34,770 怀揣着梦想登上大巴的年轻孩子 and a cardboard suitcase full of dreams -- 69 00:01:34,770 --> 00:01:35,830 是他 it was him. 70 00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:39,240 我得接一下电话 是地方教育局长皮尔斯 Oh, I have to take this. It's Superintendent Pierce. 71 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,870 您好 先生 真荣幸 请问有什么事 Hello, good sir. To what do I owe this honor? 72 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:44,940 不会吧 Oh, no. 73 00:01:45,780 --> 00:01:47,160 太可怕了 That's horrible. 74 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,750 布朗校长出车祸啦 Principal Brown got into a car accident! 75 00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:52,680 也就是说 作为第二顺位的校领导 W-Which means, as next in the line of succession, 76 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,720 我可以主持今天的毕业典礼 I get to preside over today's graduation. 77 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,090 这就是为什么高级行政官员 You know, this is why senior administration officials 78 00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:58,460 从来不一起出行 never travel together. 79 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,380 别人倒霉你却幸灾乐祸 我本该觉得不好 Your glee at another man's misfortune should trouble me, 80 00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,890 但你这副样子又有点性感 but there's also something sort of sexy about it. 81 00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:06,580 权力就是春药 Well, power is an aphrodisiac. ‭ 82 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,460 或许晚点你可以扮演校长 Maybe later you could be the principal 83 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:10,810 而我扮演还差了几个学分的学生 and I could be the student who's a few credits short. 84 00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:12,230 我不乖 Hmm. ‭A bad, bad boy 85 00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:14,070 需要被好好调教 who needs to be taught right from wrong. 86 00:02:14,070 --> 00:02:15,650 因为我成长于一个破碎家庭 'Cause I grew up in a broken home, 87 00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:18,690 社工常来我家 父母总为钱争吵 where social workers and constant fights about money 88 00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:19,310 所以... were just -- 89 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:20,940 算了 这编到我开始感觉难受了 Okay, well, now I'm just sad. 90 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:38,390 我们能换位子吗 Can we switch seats? 91 00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,470 我刚好坐在通风口下面 I'm right under a vent. 92 00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:41,210 这对我的喉咙不好 This is not good for my instrument. 93 00:02:41,210 --> 00:02:45,190 你这么认真对待这次致辞 真好啊 Oh, so nice that you're taking this speech so seriously. 94 00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:47,520 你当年为米奇和小卡的婚礼祝酒时 When you did Mitch and Cam's wedding toast, 95 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,720 嘴里还塞满了腰果呢 you had your mouth full of cashews. 96 00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:54,670 注意看你弟弟啊 Hey, pay attention to your brother. 97 00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:56,260 是你让他开始练空手道的 You got him into karate. 98 00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:57,180 我不是故意的 Not on purpose. 99 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,350 我只是给他看了几部《粉红豹》的卡通电影 I just showed him a few "Pink Panther" movies. 100 00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,260 乔 Joe? 101 00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:02,870 乔 Joe? 102 00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:03,820 我不想再玩 I-I-I don't want to play 103 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,530 {\an8}《粉红豹》系列电影中的角色 104 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,530 妙探长克鲁索和卡托的游戏了 this Inspector Clouseau and Cato game anymore. 105 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,620 我可不是害怕哦 It's not that I'm scared. 106 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,610 我只是 有点忙 It's just, I-I'm a little busy -- 107 00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:13,250 他就是个小变态[《惊魂记》] He's a little psycho. 108 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,400 对了 千万别给他看这部电影 Which we must never show him, by the way. 109 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,810 如果我看起来心神不宁 抱歉 And sorry if I'm distracted. 110 00:03:17,810 --> 00:03:19,500 今天是加州艺术学院的裁生日 It's cut day at CalArts. 111 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,430 我有一半同学都没被叫回去继续读 Half of the class isn't being asked back. 112 00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,270 曼尼 母亲的直觉告诉我 Manny, my mother's intuition 113 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,900 你没什么好担心的 tells me that you have nothing to worry about. 114 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:27,200 真的太残酷了 It's just so cruel. 115 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,910 我还有一半课程就能拿到剧本创作学位 I'm halfway to a playwriting degree 116 00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:30,220 和面具制作辅修证书 and a minor in mask-making 117 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:31,640 难道他们要就这样把我赶去街头吗 and they're just gonna throw me out on the street 118 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:32,990 我都没法养活自己 with no way to support myself? 119 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,880 正如一个睿智的男人在两小时后要说的那样 As a wise man will say in about two hours -- 120 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,590 "生活把石头滚到你的道路前 你要心怀感激 "Be grateful for the rocks life rolls in your path, 121 00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:42,420 因为有一天 你会视它们为垫脚石" for one day, you'll see them as stepping stones." 122 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,790 这句是从"可能要用"那堆里拿来的 I had that in my "maybe" pile. 123 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:46,440 相信自己啊 杰 Trust yourself, Jay. 124 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,490 老天 是学校发来的邮件 Oh, God. It's an e-mail from school. 125 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,900 我可没法在众人面前看这邮件 I don't think I can read this in front of people. 126 00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:55,490 加油 乔 Let's go, Joe! 127 00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:07,550 我成功了 I did it! 128 00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:10,150 我成功了 好棒 I did it! Yes! 129 00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:21,360 我妈是不是收买了罗恩老师 Did my mom bribe Sensei Ron? 130 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,140 我就知道你能做到 乔 I knew you could do it, Joe! 131 00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:25,480 母亲的直觉告诉我 My mother's intuition told me 132 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,710 你没什么好担心的 that you had nothing to worry about. 133 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,120 如果她收买了罗恩老师 那她还收买了谁呢 And if she bribed Sensei Ron, who else did she bribe? 134 00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:34,110 这个奖杯也是我应得的吗 Did I even deserve this? 135 00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:37,700 你还记得逛超市很无聊的时候吗 Do you remember when grocery shopping was boring? 136 00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:39,330 不记得 I really don't. 137 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:41,870 身为家长 很少有机会获得 As a parent, you don't get 138 00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:44,490 美妙 磊落 没愧疚感的胜利 a lot of good, clean, guilt-free victories. 139 00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:46,170 所以我们今天 That's why it's hard not to feel 140 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:48,680 很难不感到自信满满 pretty damn good about ourselves today. 141 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:49,700 因为今天下午 Because this afternoon, 142 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,740 我们要看咱家女儿艾丽克斯毕业 we are going to watch our daughter Alex graduate... 143 00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:53,660 是以优异成绩哦 With honors! 144 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,000 从世界知名的加州理工大学 ...from the world-renowned Caltech. 145 00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:58,910 ♪ 当你对阵加州理工海狸队时 ♪ ♪ When the Caltech Beavers face you at sports ♪ 146 00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:02,110 ♪ 准备好让出手里的球吧 ♪ ♪ Prepare to relinquish the ba-a-all ♪ 147 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,510 他们虽然聪明 但没把心思放在写队歌上 Their best minds weren't focused on the fight song. 148 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:05,340 没错 Yeah. 149 00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:07,580 我没办法停止微笑 I just can't stop smiling 150 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:09,910 一看到艾丽克斯这张穿戴着方帽和长袍的照片 at this picture of Alex in her cap and gown. 151 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,920 真是不敢相信 我跟你的孩子 It's so surreal that one of our kids 152 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,380 居然能获得如此高的成就 could do something so amazing. 153 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,520 我也爱你们两个哦 I love you both. 154 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,170 你们俩去拿香槟和鲜花送给艾丽克斯 So, you two, grab champagne and flowers for Alex. 155 00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:20,980 我们...我们去拿雪茄送给杰 We'll, uh -- We'll get some cigars to give to Jay. 156 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,310 行 Yeah. 157 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,530 天啊 Oh, my God. 158 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:27,460 是斯基普·伍斯南 他炒掉你之后你见过他吗 It's Skip Woosnam. Have you seen him since he fired you? 159 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,430 见过一次 在卖房会上 Once, at a listing. 160 00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:32,350 我试图假扮成我自己的3D纸板 I tried to pretend I was a 3D cutout of myself 161 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:33,540 避免跟他说话 to avoid talking to him. 162 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,590 不过今天我倒想跟他聊聊 But you know what? Today I want to talk to him. 163 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,210 我想我要告诉老斯基普 I think I'll let ol' Skip know 164 00:05:37,210 --> 00:05:39,650 我女儿要从加州理工毕业了 I have a daughter graduating from Caltech. 165 00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:41,470 不 亲爱的 我们不是那种 No, honey, we are not the kind of parents 166 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,120 靠炫耀孩子来给自己长脸的家长 who make ourselves look good by bragging about our kids. 167 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,100 那我们为什么要生孩子 克莱尔 Then why did we even have them, Claire? 168 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,470 我们连自鸣得意一下都不行吗 ‭Are we really not gonna crow about it 169 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,430 我们终于有个孩子做了能让我们骄傲的事 when one of our kids finally does something we can be proud of? 170 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,800 我好爱你们两个 I love you both very much. 171 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,640 我不介意做帅气性感的那个孩子 I'm comfortable being the hot one. 172 00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:58,660 这个月又创纪录了 Another record month? 173 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,330 谢谢 Well, thank you! 174 00:06:00,330 --> 00:06:02,800 你是世界上最优秀的管家 You're the greatest butler on Earth. 175 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:03,740 我得挂了 I gotta run. 176 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:05,280 -菲尔 -斯基普 - Phil? - ‭Skip! 177 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,530 你这家伙 最近好吗 You son of a gun. How the hell are you? 178 00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:09,860 很好 很好 生意比以往更红火 Great, great. Business is better than ever. 179 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:10,770 你怎么样 How about you? 180 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:13,130 你现在买真的人形立牌了吗 Did you, uh, finally get real cutouts? 181 00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,170 我不知道你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about. 182 00:06:14,170 --> 00:06:15,520 我的立牌都是3D高仿真的 Mine are so realistic and 3D, 183 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,060 你肯定像白痴一样对着它笑来着 you must have been laughing at one of them like an idiot. 184 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,420 我们购物时撞见彼此真是太巧了 How crazy is it we ran into each other shopping, huh? 185 00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:21,330 对了 你的孩子们还好吗 Say, how are your kids? 186 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,460 都特别好 Terrific. Yeah. 187 00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,990 琼刚找到份康泰纳连锁店的工作 June just, uh, took a job at the Container Store. 188 00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:25,900 真厉害 我也有个孩子 Impressive. I have a kid 189 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,350 对太空特别感兴趣 that's interested in space, as well. Yeah. 190 00:06:27,350 --> 00:06:30,650 其实她在考虑去太空总署工作 Considering a job at, uh -- at NASA, actually. 191 00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:33,840 是啊 他看起来很有这方面天赋 Yeah, he, uh, looks like he's got the right stuff. 192 00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:36,650 不 我说的是我女儿 No, I -- it's -- I was talking about my daughter. 193 00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,490 爸 你猜怎么着 Oh. ‭Hey, Dad. Dad, guess what. 194 00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:41,300 我一拿起酒瓶双胞胎就开始乱踢 The twins started kicking the second I picked up booze. 195 00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:43,390 绝对是我的孩子 对吧 ‭They're my kids, right? 196 00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:44,840 我的另一个女儿 My other daughter. 197 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,250 那好 我的演讲里 Okay, I'm doing a little thing about 198 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,000 会稍微说说追随梦想 following your dreams in mine. 199 00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:53,290 你的演讲里有吗 Do you have anything like that in yours? 200 00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:54,740 我的是"追随热情" I say "Follow your passions." 201 00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:56,380 好的 不算重复 Okay, yeah. That's different enough. 202 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:58,360 好吧 ‭Okay. 203 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,420 那边有点可疑 Something fishy's going on over here. 204 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,550 我去旁敲侧击一下 看看能查出什么 I'm gonna go shake some trees, see what falls. 205 00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:06,030 你今天真精神 副校长塔克 Looking lovely today, Vice Principal Tucker. 206 00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:08,050 别装纯良少年了 平托斯基 Cut the choirboy act, Pitkowski. 207 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,970 你不喜欢我用这种方式对你说话吗 Oh, you don't like the way I'm talking to you? 208 00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,380 你能跟谁投诉去 Well, who are you gonna complain to? 209 00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:12,250 没人 No one! 210 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,220 因为我是代理校长 Because I'm the acting principal, 211 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:16,230 执掌无上大权 clothed in immense power! 212 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,680 等等 这是什么 休想 Wait, what is -- Nope! 213 00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:21,550 我弯腰速度更快 I bend faster. 214 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,150 "杰·普里契特 猫头鹰杀手" "Jay Pritchett, Owl Killer"?! 215 00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:24,170 这是什么鬼东西 What the hell is this? 216 00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:27,260 那是1972年 The year was 1972. 217 00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:29,030 我接到了超级大单 I landed a whale -- 218 00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,480 一艘嘉年华游轮上的所有衣柜 every closet on a Carnival Cruise ship. 219 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:32,820 为了预算和工期合得上 To make the numbers work, 220 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,490 我需要快速搞到一大批廉价雪松木 I needed a lot of cedar fast and cheap. 221 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:37,110 结果我砍伐的一片森林 I ended up cutting down a forest 222 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,810 刚好是金斑猫头鹰最后的栖息地 that happened to be the last habitat of the Golden Speckled Owl. 223 00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:44,120 怎么没人提我这一举救下了多少老鼠 You know, nobody talks about all the mice I saved. 224 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:44,890 没人提 Nope! 225 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,850 只提猫头鹰 Just the owls. 226 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:49,060 你们在计划抗议吗 Are you all planning some sort of protest? 227 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,030 在我的监管下 休想 Well, that ain't happening on my watch. 228 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,150 快去坐好 Now go take your seats! 229 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,030 "猫头鹰希特勒" "Owl Hitler"?! 230 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,720 这照片是怎么回事 我从没勒死过猫头鹰 What the hell is this picture? I never strangled an owl! 231 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,490 让迪兰告诉我他人在哪很过分吗 Is it too much for Dylan to let me know where he is? 232 00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:02,650 我的羊水随时会破 My water could literally break any minute. 233 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:03,920 我坐在这没问题吧 Am I okay sitting here, 234 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,600 还是说像海洋世界前排一样会被溅湿 or am I in a SeaWorld splash zone situation? 235 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,470 克莱尔 你高中时的死敌艾希莉·沃尔斯 Claire, your old high school nemesis Ashley Walls, 236 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,610 她不是有个女儿吗 did she have a daughter? 237 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,850 我记得没有 怎么了 Uh, I don't think so. Why? 238 00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,020 那边那个女人 Well, that woman over there 239 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,440 看起来很像艾希莉 但不太可能 looks just like Ashley, but it can't be. 240 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:15,980 她看起来只有你一半 美貌 She looks half your... beauty. 241 00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:19,290 艾希莉·沃尔斯 Ashley Walls. 242 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,440 她在每件事上都胜过我 She outdid me at everything. 243 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,400 返校节女王 曲棍球队长 Homecoming Queen, Field Hockey Captain, 244 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,270 我们上大学前的那个夏天 and the summer before we went away to college, 245 00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:29,690 她竟打败我成为了普里契特衣柜的实习生 she beat me out for an internship at Pritchett's closets. 246 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:31,510 克莱尔 Claire? 247 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,330 让我想想 I...want to say... 248 00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:35,160 艾希莉 Ashley? 249 00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:37,910 -是我 你好吗 -很好 - Yes! ‭ how are you? - Good. 250 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,580 艾希莉·沃尔斯-卡内基 Ashley Walls-Carnegie. 251 00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,090 菲利普·汉弗莱·邓菲 Phillip Humphrey Dunphy. 252 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:43,240 你最近在忙什么 艾希莉 So, what have you been up to, Ashley? 253 00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:45,530 我是人身伤害律师 Uh, well, I'm a personal injury lawyer. 254 00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:47,660 我有个兄弟靠这个赚了好多钱 I have a buddy that makes bank from that. 255 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,070 他不是律师 ‭He's not a lawyer. 256 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,930 他专门挑豪车碰瓷 He just tries to get nice cars to hit him. 257 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,250 他只是在开玩笑 Yeah, he's just kidding. 258 00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:53,610 我没开玩笑 妈 No, I'm not, Mom. 259 00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:55,130 -事实上 我 -给 吃块糖 - In fact, I've ac-- - Here, have a candy. 260 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,150 真无礼 That was rude. 261 00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:57,880 我刚刚遇到了以前的健康教育老师 I just ran into my old health teacher, 262 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,060 她说她一直都觉得 and she said she always expected 263 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,940 我会挺着大肚子参加毕业典礼 to see me pregnant at graduation. 264 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,470 恭喜 Congratulations. 265 00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:04,190 谢谢 是双胞胎 Oh, thanks. Twins. 266 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:05,780 抱歉 要是知道他们老爸现在在哪 Sorry, I'd be a lot happier about it 267 00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,510 我会开心得多 if I could track their father down. 268 00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:08,380 吃糖 Candy. 269 00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:11,000 看 是你弟弟米奇 Oh, look -- it's your brother, Mitch. 270 00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,120 他总是一板一眼的 对不对 Now, he was always a little uptight, wasn't he? 271 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,470 高中时是的 但现在他特别好... Well, he was in high school, but now he's just the most -- 272 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:16,820 听好 你今天只有一个任务 小姑娘 Okay, you have one job today, young lady, 273 00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:17,930 支持你大爸 okay, to be supportive. 274 00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:19,390 假如他说了笑话 你就要笑 If your dad makes a joke, you will laugh. 275 00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:21,640 他演讲后你怎么做 鼓掌 If he makes a speech, you will what? Applaud. 276 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,720 好吧 我得去找我的座位了 Right. I-I-I'm gonna go find my seat. 277 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,090 但和你叙旧真开心 克莱尔 But it was great catching up with you, Claire. 278 00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:30,070 提一嘴我们女儿今天要从加州理工毕业 No one would blame you if you mentioned you had a daughter 279 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,140 谁也不会责怪你的 graduating from Caltech today. 280 00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,320 亲爱的 错过时机了 Honey, the moment has passed. 281 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,950 我得有个好理由才能不经意地过去 I'd need a pretty good reason to just go waltzing over there -- 282 00:09:38,130 --> 00:09:39,730 -她的流程单掉了 -太好了 - She dropped her program! - Yes! ‭ 283 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,000 克莱尔 你知道我有事会第一个找你商量 Hey, Claire, you know how you're my go-to gal -- 284 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,590 -我很忙 -菲尔 - Busy. ‭- Hey, Phil. 285 00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:46,270 你知道我有事会第一个找你商量 You know how you're my go-to guy on stuff? 286 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:49,850 看来我们战胜所有不可能成为了挚友 I suppose against all odds, we've become best friends. 287 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:50,660 是啊 Sure. 288 00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:53,980 很明显 由我来做毕业演讲 So, apparently, some of the students are angry 289 00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,730 让一些学生很生气 that I'm giving the commencement address. 290 00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:56,350 为什么 Why? 291 00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:58,510 谁知道他们扭曲的脑子是怎么想的 ‭Who knows why their sick minds do anything? 292 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,060 不过我得说 能再次憎恨嬉皮士感觉很好 Gotta say though, it feels good to be hating hippies again. 293 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:03,450 总之 你能不能帮我巡视一下这地方 Anyway, would you mind giving this place a sweep? 294 00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:05,720 看看有没有什么可疑的 See if you notice something suspicious. 295 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,010 这就办好 Consider it done. 296 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,900 你们把什么藏起来了 Hey. What do you got there? 297 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,320 让我看看你们的袍子下藏着什么 You kids got something under those robes you want to show me? 298 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,910 曼尼 你没被裁掉 Manny, you passed the cuts, 299 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,800 为什么心情还这么不好 so why aren't you in a better mood? 300 00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:22,870 你贿赂了我的院长让我通过的 是不是 You bribed my dean to get me past the cut, didn't you? 301 00:10:22,950 --> 00:10:25,230 我永远不会做那种事 I would never do something like that. 302 00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:26,810 真厉害 Oh, bravo! 303 00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:28,840 假如丽莎·瓦格纳有你演技这么好 If Lisa Wagner pulled out that performance, 304 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,790 也许她就不会带着装满手工木偶的卡车 maybe she wouldn't be driving back to her parents' house 305 00:10:30,790 --> 00:10:32,300 和突然迷茫的未来 with a trunk full of handmade puppets 306 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,320 开车回到父母家了 and a suddenly very uncertain future. 307 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,300 我才没有贿赂谁 I didn't bribe anyone. 308 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,600 我也不知道你怎么会问这种问题 I don't know why you're talking such crazy things. 309 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,010 因为我看见你贿赂罗恩老师了 Because I saw you bribe Sensei Ron. 310 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:41,570 等等 Wait. 311 00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:43,620 你贿赂罗恩老师了 You bribed Sensei Ron?! 312 00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:45,840 所以这一切都是个谎言 So this is just a lie?! 313 00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:47,320 还有别的谁吗 Are there others? 314 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,410 我到底算什么人啊 Who the hell even am I?! 315 00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:03,230 我的天 Oh, my God! 316 00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:08,480 想跑可没门 小朋友 Nice try, kemosabes. 317 00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,860 艾希 你节目单掉了 Ash. I think you left your program. 318 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:24,990 谢谢 Thank you. 319 00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:26,480 想想这些孩子最后 Wow, it's wild to think 320 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,140 光明的前途 真是感慨万千啊 是吧 where all these kids are gonna end up, right? 321 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,410 我说 有那么多好学校 I mean, there's so many great schools. 322 00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:31,770 其实 我们的 In fact, our -- 323 00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:33,820 你还好吗 Is something wrong? 324 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:36,750 我们女儿加入恐怖组织了 Our daughter joined ISIS. 325 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,580 美国政府不承认她的公民身份了 The government said she's not an American anymore. 326 00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:42,890 现在我们家门前总是停着一辆货车 There's a van always parked in front of our house. 327 00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:44,440 天啊 我很难过 Oh, God. I'm so sorry -- 328 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,040 克莱尔有没有说我们的女儿是个天才呀 Did Claire tell you our daughter's a genius? 329 00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:50,310 那么接下来 毕业生们 看看你们的左边 ...and so, graduates, look to your left 330 00:11:50,990 --> 00:11:52,320 再看看右边 and to your right. 331 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:55,310 我丢了个小牛仔帽装饰的简洁大方的钥匙链 It's a simple key chain with a tiny cowboy hat charm on it. 332 00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:56,950 谁捡到了 请传上来 If you see it, please pass it forward. 333 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,290 好了 现在有请我们的毕业演讲嘉宾 All right, and now on to our commencement speaker. 334 00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:01,490 他是社会的栋梁 He is a pillar of the community, 335 00:12:01,490 --> 00:12:04,800 企业家 行业巨头 杰·普里契特先生 an entrepreneur and closeteer -- Mr. Jay Pritchett. 336 00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:08,900 毕业典礼 Commencement. 337 00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:11,010 "C"代表着"勇气" "C" for "Courage," 338 00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:13,120 "O"代表着"机遇" "O" for "Opportunity," 339 00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:14,710 第一个"M" the first "M" -- 340 00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:20,830 灾难来临了 Disaster had struck. 341 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,030 但是我慌了吗 But did I panic? 342 00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:23,010 没有 No. 343 00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,840 没人主动选择成为战时的校长 No one chooses to be a wartime principal. 344 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,840 但我们终将被历史所铭记 But we're the ones history remembers. 345 00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:30,150 二选其一 他们都说 Pick one, they all said -- 346 00:12:30,390 --> 00:12:32,390 壁橱还是百叶窗 closets or blinds. 347 00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:35,240 米奇尔 这要毁了毕业典礼的 Mitchell, he's tanking my graduation. 348 00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,480 我打算跳过他 直接进入怀念校友环节 I'm cutting him off and moving right to the in-memoriam section. 349 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,160 那听起来真是令人"愉快"啊 Well, that would be less depressing. 350 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,970 是是 问题是乐队的人刚刚走得一个不剩了 Yeah, the problem is, the band just walked out in solidarity. 351 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,590 -给你 -干什么 - Here. - ‭W-What? 352 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:46,500 米奇尔 纪念仪式不能没有音乐 Mitchell, you can't have an in memoriam without music. 353 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,740 那太扫兴了 That's just a bummer. 354 00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,080 拿着 Take it! 355 00:12:49,450 --> 00:12:52,620 你们爱怎么咕咕叫怎么叫 反正我最后成功了 Hoot all you want, but that Brylcreem kid was me! 356 00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:53,550 是的 谢谢你 Yes, hi, thank you. 357 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,750 谢谢你 杰·普里契特 大家鼓掌 Thank you, Jay Pritchett, everyone! 358 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:56,930 我不知道你们什么感觉 不过我觉得 Wow, I don't know about you, but I feel like 359 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,780 自己视野大开 要走向世界了啊 getting out there and taking on the world, huh? 360 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,730 现在 让我们铭记 And now, let's remember 361 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:02,750 今年我们失去的那些友人 those Dolphins we lost this year. 362 00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:05,290 米奇尔 快吹起来 什么都行 Mitchell, play something. Play anything. 363 00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:07,040 吹点特别庄重特别深沉的 Something with the most gravitas. 364 00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:12,810 你知道吗 我这么一个两年没碰过小号的人 You know, for a person who last touched a trumpet two years ago, 365 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:14,830 吹得还挺好的 I think I sounded pretty good. 366 00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:26,630 吹完了 吹完了 I'm done. I'm done. 367 00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:27,860 好了 All right! 368 00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:30,880 这一年逝去的人真是多啊 That is a lot of deceased for one year. 369 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,150 我们可能要报给警察调查一下了 We should probably have the police check into that. 370 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,700 现在 在授予学位证书之前 And now, before, uh, passing out diplomas, 371 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,300 我想为毕业班的同学 I would like to make sort of a -- 372 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,310 致以一些个人的表示 a personal gesture to this graduating class. 373 00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:43,860 当气球飞向天空 你们会发现每一个 As these balloons fill the sky, know that each one of them 374 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:47,740 都代表着一个亲身鼓舞了我 represents a student who has personally inspired me 375 00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:51,320 让我对未来充满美好希望的学生 and filled me with hope for a better tomorrow. 376 00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:58,550 什么情况 What? 377 00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:02,690 代理校长 Acting Principal! 378 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,110 抗议者们黑进了我们的洒水系统 Protesters hacked into our sprinkler system. 379 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,590 五分钟之后就要启动了 It's set to go off in five minutes. 380 00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:07,910 我们得推迟毕业典礼 We have to postpone the graduation. 381 00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:09,370 然后错过我成为校长的机会吗 And miss my chance of becoming principal? 382 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,120 没门 Not a chance! 383 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,940 但是没人能在五分钟之内念完四百个名字 Well, no one can read 400 names in five minutes. 384 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:12,660 是吗 Oh, really? 385 00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:15,980 所有训练 所有错过的派对 All that training, all those parties missed, 386 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,250 所有那些参加过的拍卖会 all those auctions attended 387 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:18,980 都是为了此时此刻 were for this moment right here, right now. 388 00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:20,870 同学们 你们好 当你们听到你们名字的时候 Students, hi! When you hear your name, 389 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:23,810 请走上台来 拿走你们的学位证书 please proceed to the stage and grab your diploma. 390 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,650 奈莉·阿布瑞莎米 艾莉森·阿科斯塔 Nelly Abrishami, Allison Acosta, 391 00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:28,040 弗里达·阿拉法利 斯科特·"讨厌鬼"·阿尔巴内塞 Frieda Alafary, Scott "The Skunk" Albanese, 392 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,540 杰西卡·埃伦尼克 理查德·汤普森·艾伦 Jessica Alenick, Richard Thompson Allen, 393 00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:31,030 拉瓦利亚·阿米努 拉里·阿纳科恩 Lavaria Aminu, Larry Annecone, 394 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:33,530 达拉·阿尔勒特 丹尼尔·戴伊·阿伦森 Darla Arleto, Daniel Dey Aronson... 395 00:14:33,530 --> 00:14:34,810 我本来可以念完的 I was gonna make it! 396 00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:35,840 然后 And then... 397 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:37,580 我遇到了波兰名字 I hit the Polish names. 398 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,150 切斯沃夫·沃拉德瑞扎克科沃斯基 Czeslaw Wlodaryzack-ck-kowsky. 399 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,790 沃洛迪斯劳·沃劳德 Wladyslaw Wlod... 400 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:46,230 尼斯基 对 nisky? Yeah. 401 00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:49,010 迈拉·扎林斯基 Myra Zarinsky -- 402 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,060 好了 快撤快撤 OK, all right, all right 403 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,670 如果我们离爸爸和小卡远一点 可能还有机会 Okay, if we steer clear of Dad and Cam, we've got a chance 404 00:14:58,670 --> 00:15:00,580 在这堆暴民动武的时候混进他们人群不被打 of blending into the mob when they turn violent. 405 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:01,890 这是什么情况 What the hell is this? 406 00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:03,200 是这样的 显然 为猫头鹰抗议的人 Okay, well, apparently, when those owls 407 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,040 黑进洒水系统 是影响全校区的 hacked into the sprinkler system, it was school-wide. 408 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,470 他们不让任何人进停车场 They're not letting anyone into the parking structure. 409 00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:08,360 不是吧 Oh, no! 410 00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,130 我希望这不会让我们错过 I hope this doesn't mean we're gonna have to miss 411 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:12,480 今天的第二个毕业典礼 the second graduation of the day. 412 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,170 运气真好 How lucky is that? 413 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:19,200 我正拉着优步订单 你们就打过电话来了 Me cruising by with an Uber fare right when you called. 414 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,490 -幸运幸运 -真好 - So lucky. Very lucky. - Very good. 415 00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:23,000 你到了 杰拉尔德 Well, this is you, Gerald. 416 00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,020 希望今天开始你能 Let's have today be the day 417 00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:28,310 不再是为了你父亲演奏 you stop playing for your dad 418 00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,000 而是为自己演奏 and start playing for Gerald. 419 00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,900 话说 这提醒了我 That -- That kind of reminds me -- 420 00:15:31,910 --> 00:15:34,040 对不起 我骗你说自己上了小号课 I'm sorry I lied about the trumpet lessons. 421 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,130 没事 这才不是我今天最倒霉的部分 Oh, please. Not the worst part of my day. 422 00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:37,940 我现在想明白了布朗校长是故意坑我让我失败 I'm realizing now that Principal Brown set me up to fail. 423 00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:39,050 根本没有什么车祸 There was no car crash, 424 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:40,190 跟登月一样都是骗人的 just like there was no moon landing. 425 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,230 -小卡 -太空里旗帜是不会飘扬的 米奇尔 - Cam - ‭Flags can't wave in space, Mitchell. 426 00:15:42,230 --> 00:15:44,580 好了好了 我被羞辱得比你们都过分 Hey, hey, hey, I was humiliated much worse than you. 427 00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:45,740 太不公平了 It was so unfair. 428 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,570 兢兢业业一辈子最后无人赞誉 A lifetime of service out the window. 429 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:49,630 你们以为我每晚闭上眼睛 You think I don't see the faces of owls 430 00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:52,180 不会看到那些猫头鹰的脸吗 every night I close my eyes? 431 00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:54,960 至少你有大家心服口服的成就 At least you've accomplished something they can tear down. 432 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,220 我是个骗子 I'm a fraud! 433 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,880 你看到你对你弟弟做了什么吗 You see what you did to your brother? 434 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,280 看那难过又受伤的大眼睛 Look at those sad, hurt eyes. 435 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,460 就像难过的小猫头鹰 Like a sad little owl. 436 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:02,790 也许要是你相信自己的儿子 Well, maybe if you believed in your sons 437 00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:04,800 而不是跟每个人都来哥伦比亚式握手 instead of giving everyone Colombian handshakes. 438 00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:05,590 什么 What?! 439 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,980 我可从来没有当着哪个男人家室的面 I've never sanded down a man's fingers 440 00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:09,800 跟他亲密握手 in front of his family! 441 00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:12,630 你是说贿赂的事啊 Oh, you mean the bribes? 442 00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:13,870 你没法否认了 You can't deny it anymore. 443 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,780 看我们院长发出来的照片 Look at this photo on my dean's Instagram. 444 00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,910 他戴着的表跟你给罗恩老师的一模一样 He's wearing the same watch you gave Sensei Ron. 445 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,290 地区教育局长也戴着一样的表 The superintendent was wearing that same watch. 446 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:21,340 典礼结束后他跟我握手 I-I noticed it when he shook my hand at the end of the ceremony 447 00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:23,000 他说我"滑天下之大稽"时 我有注意到 and said I was a "Horrifying disgrace." 448 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:24,260 你贿赂他了吗 You bribed him?! 449 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,510 是因为这样我才有资格演说的吗 Is that how I got my speech? 450 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,170 好了 够了 Okay, enough! 451 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,400 我相信你们凭自己也能做到 I'm sure you would have gotten all these things on your own, 452 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:35,060 但世界有时就是那么不公平 but the world sometimes is very unfair! 453 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:37,380 那些手表只是以防万一啦 And the watches are like an insurance. 454 00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:38,800 你为什么会有那么多啊 Why do you even have so many? 455 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,560 有时候我吃安眠药后会梦游网购 Sometimes I do a little bit of Ambien shopping 456 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,630 然后把同样的东西买一堆 and I buy too much of one thing. 457 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,030 难道你们圣诞节 Didn't you all wonder 458 00:16:45,030 --> 00:16:47,930 收到一样的有趣袜子时没想过这事吗 when you got the same fun socks for Christmas? 459 00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:49,160 -一样的耶 -我了个去 - Oh, samesies. - I'll be damned! 460 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,400 -我怎么没收到 -可有趣了 - I don't have those. - They're fun! 461 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,370 对不起 是我不好 I'm sorry, okay? 462 00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:53,270 但我太爱你们了 But I love you guys so much 463 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,800 我不想把你们的愿望交给命运来安排 to leave your dreams to chance. 464 00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:57,640 我想在你长大的故乡 I suppose where you grew up, 465 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,580 钻漏洞也是生存的一部分 bending the rules was just a part of life. 466 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:01,790 你必须得这样才能活下去 It's what you had to do to get by. 467 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,940 你又怎么会不拿来帮忙你爱的人呢 Why wouldn't you do that to help the people you love? 468 00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:05,280 谢谢你 曼尼 Thank you, Manny. 469 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,970 你谢什么啊 我才不是那么觉得呢 You're not welcome. That's not how I feel. 470 00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:08,530 这是我演出的剧的台词 I-It's a speech from a play I was in. 471 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:09,450 在我说完刚才的台词后 Right after that line, 472 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,520 我点事后烟然后重新穿上我的衣服 I light up a cigarette and put my clothes back on. 473 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:12,820 我是没事啦 但是... Yeah, I'm good, but... 474 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:14,680 我现在不知道我到底是不是凭实力了 now I'll never know if that's why I made the cut. 475 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,020 好了 别这样 听我说 Okay, stop. Look. 476 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,780 大家今天都过了很惨的一天 We've all had a terrible day today -- 477 00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:18,500 我没有啊 Not me. 478 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,780 拉的客人都是大单 超赞的瑜伽课 Tons of great fares, amazing yoga class -- 479 00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,600 我这边在酝酿一个点呢 兄弟 I-I was building to something, buddy. 480 00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:24,870 但是大家庭有这么一个好处 But that's one of the great things about being in a family. 481 00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:26,480 我们能分享其他人的胜利荣光 We get to share in each other's victories. 482 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,080 而艾丽克斯今天有一场大胜利 And Alex has a huge victory today 483 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,530 能让我们大家都感觉好受 that can make us all feel better. 484 00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:30,350 所以我们... So let's... 485 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,030 把这糟糕的一天转亏为盈 感觉美... turn around this crap day with a nice, feel-good -- 486 00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:34,300 那是艾丽克斯吗 Hey, is that Alex? 487 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:36,840 天啊 停车 Oh, my God. Pull over! 488 00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:37,720 停 Back up! 489 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:43,270 艾丽克斯 亲爱的 怎么了 你还好吗 Alex! Honey, what happened? Are you okay? 490 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,470 今天周几 What day is it? 491 00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:48,060 无所谓 反正时间根本不会循环 Not that time is anything but a flat circle. 492 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,890 我们课都结束了 期末考也考完了 So...we were done with classes, done with finals, 493 00:17:51,890 --> 00:17:54,610 就跟史上所有大四生一样 and, like college seniors since the beginning of time, 494 00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,580 我们也决定来疯狂一把 we decided to get a little nuts. 495 00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:59,090 查格[干杯] 查格 查格 查格 查格 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 496 00:17:59,090 --> 00:18:00,590 我们的同学阿施施·查格 Our classmate Ashish Chug... 497 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:01,660 成功啦[喝完啦] I did it! 498 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,770 黑进了我们的出入证 ...hacked his key card to get us access 499 00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:06,010 往里面加了进出图书馆限制区域的权限 to the restricted section of the library. 500 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,570 我们决定去读阿利斯特最后定理 We decided to read Alister's Last Theorem. 501 00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:12,940 哥特罗布·阿利斯特写出了0=1的证明 Gottlob Alister wrote a proof showing that zero equals 1. 502 00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:14,540 这代表数学是无意义的 This rendered mathematics meaningless 503 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,020 并且害他发了疯 and drove him insane. 504 00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:18,840 根据传说 同样的命运降临在了 According to legend, the same fate befalls anyone 505 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,310 每一个阅读并能理解他证明的人身上 who reads and understands the proof. 506 00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,190 天啊 Good God. 507 00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:30,990 如果数学没有意义 If mathematics doesn't matter, 508 00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,440 那大家再也没有任何确定的事物了 then no one can be certain of anything, 509 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,950 而我浪费了我过去4... and I've just wasted the last four -- 510 00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:35,950 不对 是过去16年的人生 no, 16 years of my life, 511 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,820 我毕业不毕业根本无所谓啊 and there's no point in me graduating! 512 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:39,700 我看得出来你非常不开心 Okay, I can tell that you're very upset, 513 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,120 你还可能因为期末考而累过头 and you're probably really overtired from finals. 514 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,970 但如果你不去参加毕业典礼 会后悔一生 But you are gonna regret it if you don't go to graduation. 515 00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:46,990 我跟你保证 无论你现在有什么烦心事 Look, I promise -- whatever is bothering you, 516 00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:48,520 在典礼之后就会想通 figure it out after the ceremony -- 517 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,560 -之后吗 -是啊 - After?! - ‭Yes. 518 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,190 有"之后"就意味着有"之前" "After" implies "before"! 519 00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,460 但如果1分钟之前等于0分钟之前 But if one minute ago is the same as zero minutes ago, 520 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,650 那之前就是现在 而现在就是之后 then before is now and now is after! 521 00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:57,330 我通常听到这种对白 Usually when I hear people talking like this, 522 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,200 都是在听到别人点餐在催上菜的时候 we're walking through a Taco Bell drive-through. 523 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,050 亲爱的 你有一半的人生都在被事物所震撼 Sweetie, half your life is having your mind blown. 524 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:04,290 我还记得我第一次听到原来银河系中的星星 I remember when I heard there were more stars in the galaxy 525 00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:06,810 比一盒即时米饭里的米还多时的样子 than grains of rice in a box of Uncle Ben's. 526 00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:08,410 不是的 是宇宙中的星系总数 No, there are more galaxies 527 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:10,490 比世界上所有海滩中的沙加起来还多 than grains of sand on all the world's beaches. 528 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,410 我不能一下失去他们两个 Okay, I can't lose 'em both! 529 00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:15,110 -我来 艾丽克斯 -谁快来啊 - I got this! Alex... - ‭Somebody? 530 00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:17,720 "我一直不知何为真正的力量 直到..." "I never knew true strength until --" 531 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,480 "我遇到一个没有脚的人" "I met a man with no feet." 532 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,420 等等 不是 这些卡没按照顺序摆 Wait. No. These cards are not in order. 533 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,710 等等 你们不许跟我抢 Wait. Nobody help her right now -- 534 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,710 艾丽克斯 你是个聪明又自信的女孩 Alex, you're a smart, confident girl. 535 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,330 我知道你会做出正确的决定 I know that you're gonna make the right decision. 536 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,660 你刚把这表戴我手上了吗 Did you just put this watch on me? 537 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,700 我有病得治啊 I have a problem. 538 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,860 我觉得如果艾丽克斯不想参加毕业典礼 I say if Alex doesn't want to go to her graduation, 539 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:35,980 那她自己决定了就好 that's her decision. 540 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,140 谢谢你 卢克 Thank you, Luke. 541 00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:38,320 只要你知道 As long as you know 542 00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,800 现在其实根本不是数学的问题就行 that whatever's going on here isn't about math. 543 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,670 我觉得你只是在害怕离开校园 Yeah, I think maybe you're afraid to leave school. 544 00:19:43,670 --> 00:19:45,570 -什么 -你这辈子 - What? - ‭Your whole life, 545 00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:48,280 从小就知道你该做什么 you've always known exactly what you're supposed to do -- 546 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,650 学习 得高分 反复 study, get good grades, repeat. 547 00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:52,800 现在这要结束了 令你感到害怕 Now that's over, and it's scary. 548 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:55,480 有点像是0=1 Kind of like if zero equalled 1. 549 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,100 但你很幸运 你的傻子姐姐跟弟弟 But lucky for you, your dummy brother and sister 550 00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,680 在现实社会中都摸爬滚打过了 have spent time in the real world. 551 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,520 如果我们都能站稳脚跟 你肯定没问题 And if we can handle it, you're gonna do just fine. 552 00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:04,530 真的吗 You think? 553 00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:05,460 相信我们 Trust us. 554 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,010 走啦 我们带你去毕业典礼吧 Come on. Let's go get you graduated. 555 00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:11,010 等等 那个门总卡住 Oh, hold on. That door gets jammed. 556 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,520 我得从里面打开 I have to open it from the inside. 557 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,730 我来开 I got it! 558 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,490 莱亨德·丹拿 Legend Danner. 559 00:20:19,770 --> 00:20:21,940 致辞的事情我现在还是过不去 I still can't get over that commencement speech. 560 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,150 完全没人笑啊 Not a single laugh. 561 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:26,090 我告诉你他没发现什么元素吧 "笑"素 I'll tell you one element he didn't discover -- hilarium. 562 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:28,170 艾丽克斯·邓菲 Alex Dunphy. 563 00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:29,770 恭喜你 Congratulations. 564 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,170 我们也不想炫耀 但是... We don't want to brag, but, uh... 565 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,190 是我们的孩子们促成的 Our kids did that. 566 00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:39,370 是的 Yeah. 567 00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:48,580 别 别又是手表啊 No! No more watches. 568 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,550 我什么时候买的这些啊 When did I order these ones? 569 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,810 妈 你猜怎么着 Hey mom, guess what? 570 00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:55,840 怎么啦 小宝贝 What? Papi. 571 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,890 我朋友卡莉被踢出专业了 My friend Carly got cut from my program, 572 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,360 她老爸最近还刚给戏服部门捐钱呢 and her dad's funded our new costume department. 573 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,880 看来贿赂是没用的 I guess bribes don't work. 574 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,170 全是凭我的本事 I got through all my merit. 575 00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:04,840 -是啊 -这种时候就该奖赏自己 - Yeah!. - That calls for a reward. 576 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,750 这是什么 What is this? 577 00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:10,280 曼尼 求你别告诉杰 Manny, please don't tell Jay. 578 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,970 燕麦葡萄干味啊 你知道吗 Oatmeal raisin? You know what? 579 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:16,020 真正的艺术家不会阻止自己尝试新体验 A true artist doesn't close themselve off to new experiences. 580 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,280 哪怕是看起来再不妙的饼干... Even vile illlevan cookies. 581 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,790 这就是我所选择的人生道路 That's the path I've chosen. 582 00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,190 尽量去体验并观察人事物 To experiences and observe everything 583 00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:24,640 一起在这名为人生的美丽盛会上狂舞 in this beautiful pageant we called life.