1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,890
好了 同志们 节食第四天

2
00:00:03,890 --> 00:00:05,030
大家坚持得如何

3
00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:07,420
老实说 我会坚持到底的

4
00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:11,850
电影同名主题曲 原词为I'm gonna live for ever

5
00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:13,230
我一切顺利

6
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:16,360
今早 我家门廊的流浪汉夸我皮肤很赞呢

7
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:17,220
这是咋了

8
00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:19,310
你们怎么用一样的餐包

9
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,920
我们在一起节食 我老婆发现的

10
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,330
她在妈咪宝贝图片设计课上听说的

11
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,830
等等 也可能是宝宝空手道课

12
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,140
她带着我们家闺女上了太多课

13
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,300
我记不清了

14
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,130
小孩就是爱探索学习

15
00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,060
这个节食很科学的 长官

16
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:36,800
每餐都提前计划好 还送货上门

17
00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:38,230
这是我们的早餐

18
00:00:38,230 --> 00:00:41,750
一瓣橙子 三颗腰果 还有一粒提子

19
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:43,650
其实比你想的要多

20
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,640
有时候我提子都吃不完

21
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,430
我觉得这是多此一举 你们身材都很好

22
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,150
没有最好 只有更好 长官

23
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,560
我喜欢挑战

24
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,300
而且 还有助于培养团队精神

25
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,310
我们要一起熬过这次节食

26
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:57,100
嘿 伙计们 专业技巧

27
00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:00,000
舔一舔包装袋 里面有食物分子哦

28
00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:01,670
哦 聪明绝顶

29
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,530
嗯

30
00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:04,650
神烦警探 
第一季 第二十集

31
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,530
你来干嘛 不是休假吗

32
00:01:27,530 --> 00:01:29,520
对 跟踪狂 我今天是休假

33
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,290
但我得来见Charles

34
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,580
你知道他昨晚干啥了吗

35
00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:34,900
喝吧 Jake 喝了

36
00:01:34,930 --> 00:01:37,870
怎么了 你个小贱人

37
00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,540
哦

38
00:01:40,570 --> 00:01:42,470
为啥里面有个领结

39
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,270
等一下

40
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,180
Jake Peralta 你愿意做我的伴郎吗

41
00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:48,310
愿意 我愿意 一千个愿意

42
00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,410
喔 伴郎

43
00:01:50,450 --> 00:01:53,120
你这是打算赖在脱衣舞酒吧里(开店)了吗

44
00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,890
我会开什么店呢

45
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,420
洗手液店 我要卖洗手液

46
00:01:57,460 --> 00:01:58,760
不是啦

47
00:01:58,790 --> 00:02:01,490
我本以为伴郎就是喝威士忌和抽雪茄的

48
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:02,990
不过新郎是Charles

49
00:02:03,030 --> 00:02:05,030
所以我们有整整两天做婚礼准备

50
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,100
他还给了我这个预热

51
00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:09,400
梦幻"新狼"

52
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,470
丹麦语的"梦幻新郎"

53
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,410
Charles说 论婚礼 全世界属丹麦最浪漫

54
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,270
论葬礼 丹麦也最血腥

55
00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:20,280
这不像是你会喜欢的东西啊

56
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:21,110
一般情况下没错

57
00:02:21,110 --> 00:02:23,450
但我现在是Charles的"伴狼"

58
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,150
丹麦语"伴郎"

59
00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:27,390
所以支持他就是我的职责所在

60
00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:30,490
不管他的想法多诡异疯狂又具有Charles风格

61
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,490
行动起来吧

62
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,660
他来了 我的新郎

63
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,490
我伟岸而美型的BM(便便)

64
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,130
伴郎 说伴郎就行

65
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,260
我希望你休息好了

66
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:39,530
我们一天都要来回奔波

67
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,600
完全准备好了 我还买了双护士鞋

68
00:02:41,630 --> 00:02:43,600
我喜欢 嗯哼

69
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,640
拿上这个 还有这个

70
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,860
- 再抓住这个  - 来抓人家啊

71
00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:50,430
第一站 "蛋搞屎吃" 蛋糕试吃

72
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:51,840
哇哦

73
00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:54,190
你找我 长官

74
00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:58,100
我知道你去了巡警的早间例会

75
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:00,530
是的 Deetmore警官帮我侦查现场

76
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,380
所以我给了他份小小的谢礼

77
00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:03,660
嘿 Deetmore

78
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:06,030
你装袋证物就像个五岁小屁孩

79
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:07,690
装备也要跟上啊

80
00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:09,540
这是"警察小鬼套装"

81
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,670
对讲机还能吹泡泡

82
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,760
希望你知道怎么玩儿哦

83
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,900
他给凶器贴错标签了 十足的傻瓜

84
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,240
为此差点就入错档了

85
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:22,810
那样几个月的努力就被他搞砸了

86
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,180
你当着Deetmore警官同事的面侮辱了他

87
00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:27,780
他正式投诉你了

88
00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:28,970
他是用蜡笔填的投诉表吧

89
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:29,950
没有

90
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:32,350
但是他用了绿色笔 我也觉着挺疯癫的

91
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,420
好消息是 如果你回去道歉

92
00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:37,020
他就不计较这事了

93
00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,940
好吧 我擅长道歉

94
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,060
我可温柔了

95
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:41,790
滚开 死胖子

96
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,330
哦

97
00:03:44,210 --> 00:03:48,070
Jake 你听我说呐 订婚之后爽歪歪啊

98
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,290
- 特别是性生活  - 够了 我不想窥探隐私

99
00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,000
- 不算窥探 我主动坦白的  - 别了

100
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,240
我和Vivian有一套共同设计的性交步骤

101
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,770
啊哈 我一般喜欢巧克力口味

102
00:03:57,780 --> 00:03:59,940
但是这个离得近 先吃这个吧

103
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:01,910
哦 辣 辣

104
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,050
辣味蛋糕 搞什么呀

105
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,650
那是哈瓦那辣椒糖霜

106
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,070
因为我们的婚姻会"火辣辣"

107
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,740
除非你认为这主意很糟

108
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:12,820
没有的事

109
00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,960
听着棒极了 奥普拉

110
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:18,430
二 一

111
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,030
好了 嘴下留情

112
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:21,430
我没有你的模特身材

113
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,800
来吧 让我看看

114
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,400
像不像弗雷德阿斯泰尔和金凯利

115
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,140
像李伯拉斯和戴安基顿

116
00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:29,340
我懂了

117
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,910
天哪

118
00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:34,910
好了 Charles 你不是苏格兰人

119
00:04:34,950 --> 00:04:37,110
电影根据苏格兰民族英雄威廉·华莱士的事迹改编

120
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,280
夏季亚麻西装

121
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,180
随意却经典

122
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:41,720
其实还不错

123
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:44,030
有个问题 看得到我的内裤吗

124
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,460
哦 丁字裤 你干嘛穿丁字裤

125
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:47,920
这就是我借来的玩意儿

126
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,930
快滚回去

127
00:04:51,060 --> 00:04:51,840
噢耶

128
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,200
午餐时间 等待结束

129
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:54,830
- 一点不难熬  - 绝对的

130
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:57,600
我感觉像是一小时十七分之前刚吃过零食

131
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,400
我从没节食过

132
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,970
倒是在七十年代那阵试过减肥药

133
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:05,710
我喜欢这药 让我精力充沛

134
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,850
还不用节食

135
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,050
哦 天哪

136
00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:15,750
他死了

137
00:05:15,790 --> 00:05:17,940
其实我是昏迷了

138
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:20,060
等我醒过来 发现一堆邮件

139
00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:22,360
瘦身科学在那之后进步不少

140
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,300
嗯哼

141
00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:27,400
原料 胡萝卜 不得不服

142
00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:29,600
靠 Gina

143
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,800
这是什么

144
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,070
噢 是"奶面辣萨"

145
00:05:33,110 --> 00:05:36,270
面包上加了奶酪通心面和辣椒披萨

146
00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:40,440
全是我这48小时最想吃的

147
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,950
嗯 嗯

148
00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:44,080
怎么回事啊

149
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,850
我以为你要"坚持到海枯石烂 小贱人们"

150
00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:48,650
结果我说放弃就放弃了

151
00:05:48,690 --> 00:05:50,290
你们听到了吗 小贱人们

152
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,160
我轻而易举就放弃了哟

153
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,490
谢谢

154
00:05:55,530 --> 00:05:56,850
嘿 马上就要试穿礼服了

155
00:05:56,860 --> 00:05:58,730
你真想把这些土耳其烤肉全吃掉吗

156
00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,220
当然

157
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:01,430
我可不想做那种节食的新郎

158
00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:02,830
- 嗯哼  - 嘿

159
00:06:02,870 --> 00:06:04,340
谢谢你今天如此支持我

160
00:06:04,370 --> 00:06:06,500
伴郎嘛 不管你需要什么 我都会去做

161
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,310
其实 确实有一件事

162
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:10,010
你能借我一支笔把这些表填了吗

163
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,240
当然不能借给你 我从来没有过笔

164
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,840
但是我会给你找一支

165
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,550
这是什么 办结婚证的手续文件吗

166
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:16,950
噢 不是 是我的退休文件

167
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,820
- 啥 得了吧 你说什么  - 是的

168
00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:20,620
Vivian在渥太华郊区找了份工作

169
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:22,950
她想让我从纽约警局退休和她一起过去

170
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,290
退休

171
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,120
Boyle 我们应该一起殉职的啊

172
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,220
我死于大爆炸

173
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,530
出于尊重 你在我的葬礼上自杀

174
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:30,800
我知道

175
00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:33,100
但是Vivian的事业需要进一步发展

176
00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:34,770
我也挺期待的

177
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,500
我是说 渥太华的郊区很棒

178
00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,040
布鲁克林有的那儿全都有

179
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:39,970
- 真的  - 真的

180
00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:42,610
除了我的工作 我的家人和朋友

181
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,840
你 有趣的人 博物馆 餐厅

182
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,330
还有一切我为之生活的理由

183
00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:49,980
好了 我现在有点头绪了

184
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:52,020
可能你并不想去加拿大

185
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,280
噢 天哪

186
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,050
Jake 你简直是个神探

187
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,220
我不想去

188
00:06:58,570 --> 00:06:59,930
好了 Boyle 我们来想想对策

189
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:01,240
看你该怎么跟Vivian说

190
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:02,600
你不想搬去加拿大

191
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,590
不要 Jake 我什么都不会说的

192
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,210
别提这个了

193
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,470
我们的感情甚好

194
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:07,640
从不争吵

195
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:08,740
我可不想毁了这段感情

196
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:09,680
她是我的全部

197
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,640
- 那你的蛋蛋往左移一点 - 收到

198
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,450
她是你的未婚妻

199
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,950
你不能害怕跟她交流

200
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:15,420
蛋往右移

201
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:17,820
我说 我们能先把蛋的事儿放一边吗

202
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,790
不能 我和蛋正忙着呢

203
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,920
说实话 Jake 我都不知道怎么开口

204
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,240
万一进展不顺呢

205
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,090
不会的 你只要告诉她你的感受就行了

206
00:07:26,130 --> 00:07:29,870
就说"我爱你Vivian 但我们得谈谈去渥太华的事儿"

207
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:32,670
没错 然后她就会说"你真是一头自私的猪

208
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:35,040
祝你孤独终老 而且我从没爱过你"

209
00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:36,800
噢 天哪 她从没爱过我

210
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,580
她才不会那么说

211
00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:40,070
她又不是疯子

212
00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:41,480
好啦 淡定

213
00:07:41,510 --> 00:07:42,830
我们会一起想办法的

214
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,180
一会儿去隔壁的文具店

215
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:45,710
我们把这些想法都写下来

216
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:47,620
一切都会好的 深呼吸

217
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,220
别深呼吸

218
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:51,400
蛋蛋会缩在一起

219
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,420
恶

220
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:54,020
Diaz侦探

221
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,990
你跟Deetmore警官道歉的事怎么样了

222
00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:57,630
我正给他写道歉信呢

223
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:59,590
我看到你桌上的草稿了

224
00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:00,350
怎么样

225
00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:03,230
太吓人了 我只好把整本都烧了

226
00:08:05,030 --> 00:08:08,040
直接下楼去道歉就行了

227
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,170
好吧 我就说"对不起"

228
00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:12,240
不行 真诚点 像这样

229
00:08:12,270 --> 00:08:16,480
- 对不起  - 对不起

230
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,850
对不起

231
00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:23,240
- 对不起  - 对不起

232
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,520
好 就这样

233
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,610
还在吃那个下午加餐的杏仁吗

234
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,580
我一直含着 时间太长 它都圆滑了

235
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:33,660
- 感觉就像海玻璃  - 你做的很好

236
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:38,580
Ames 我帮你捡起来

237
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:42,920
啊哦

238
00:08:42,950 --> 00:08:44,150
脚滑了 抱歉哈

239
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,790
抱歉 你个蠢婊子养的

240
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:49,630
你刚毁了我的人生

241
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,100
我祝你出门被车撞

242
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,630
狗在你脸上拉屎

243
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:53,800
没什么好看的

244
00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,710
就是低血糖引发的小小愤怒

245
00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:56,430
继续干你们的活

246
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:59,140
太对不起了 Hitchcock 那不是我

247
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:00,840
我从来不会那样的

248
00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:02,340
没关系 是我的错

249
00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:04,240
我不该撞飞你的腰果

250
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,140
腰果 那是杏仁 你个傻逼

251
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,950
我祝你在浴缸里淹死

252
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:12,750
祝你的动脉瘤一波一波又一波地冒出来

253
00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:14,180
好了 兄弟

254
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:15,990
我们已经写了几个很赞的开场白

255
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:18,320
有三个理由可以合情合理地解释

256
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,860
你为什么不想去加拿大

257
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:23,760
还有四种请帖用纸可供选择

258
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,730
我喜欢"浪漫开场白C"

259
00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:28,830
这张纸记录了我的纽约生活

260
00:09:28,870 --> 00:09:31,970
席次牌我想用尚蒂伊本色纸

261
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,700
这个选择非常棒

262
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,670
这些选择都很棒

263
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:36,670
你能行的

264
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:37,990
你是个聪明又优秀的男人

265
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,780
而且写字超级好看

266
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,280
当然 写字超级好看

267
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:42,420
你真这样认为吗

268
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:44,980
是的 我认为你可以做一名专业书法家

269
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,520
专业书法家呀 Charles

270
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:49,370
没什么能难倒你

271
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:52,020
包括 但不局限于 和Vivian谈一谈

272
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:54,890
好吧 好吧 好吧

273
00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:56,730
听着 我知道对你来说挺难的

274
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:57,920
她也许还会生气

275
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,330
但我保证 你们很快就能继续之前的奇葩性爱了

276
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:03,370
好吧

277
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,670
好 我要去和Vivi谈一谈

278
00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:08,240
好主意 兄弟 对吧

279
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:09,370
- 对  - 就是

280
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,480
谁来为这些纸买单呢

281
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:14,480
一共250块

282
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:16,390
一个叫Amy Santiago的

283
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:18,760
舔 舔 舔

284
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,750
我在吃甜筒哦

285
00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:23,150
你诱惑不了我的 叛徒

286
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,720
尤其是当我有这片大又多汁的哈密瓜片

287
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,060
来陪伴我的时候

288
00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:30,030
这薄到我都能看穿它了

289
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:31,900
Santiago

290
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,130
来拿一下这个 你的小手能显得它大些

291
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,700
噢 Amy二十分钟前就离开了

292
00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:38,040
没道理啊

293
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,300
Santiago可喜欢哈密瓜时间了

294
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,940
我们还此写了首歌

295
00:10:41,970 --> 00:10:44,930
*哈密瓜 哈密瓜*

296
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:47,410
没有她唱高音部显得很扯淡

297
00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:49,160
她在哪儿

298
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,720
Amy 你在哪儿 哈密瓜时间到了

299
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,490
Santiago 停下

300
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,660
现在还来得及

301
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,020
我失败了 警长

302
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,260
这是我第二个汉堡了

303
00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:04,530
好吧 我撒谎了 这是第四个了

304
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,500
你们俩竟然都背叛了我 不过没关系

305
00:11:07,530 --> 00:11:09,200
我可以自己来 我才不需要你们

306
00:11:09,230 --> 00:11:10,900
我甚至可以自己唱高音部

307
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:12,810
*哈密瓜 我能行*

308
00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:15,700
*哈密瓜 我能行*

309
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,940
叛徒

310
00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:19,610
Deetmore警官

311
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,010
我来这儿是想告诉你我很抱歉

312
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,610
哦很好 继续

313
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,580
不 就是这样 我说完了 我很抱歉

314
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:26,860
嘿 我又说了一遍 就算我预存了一句道歉

315
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:27,880
所以我随便对你做什么都行了

316
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,120
你到底是在为了什么道歉

317
00:11:29,150 --> 00:11:30,220
拜托 大哥

318
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,250
我说了对不起 说完还停顿了

319
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:34,290
我甚至没死盯着你 就为了让你觉得有面子

320
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,450
是啊 但你不是真心的

321
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:38,060
我希望你能真心地道歉

322
00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:40,060
好吧

323
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,760
很抱歉你搞砸了我的案子

324
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,370
很抱歉你是个糟糕的警察

325
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:50,640
很抱歉你有着山羊脸 啮齿动物的脑和怪异的鹅身子

326
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,570
这些都是出自我的真心

327
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:55,440
希望你能觉得好一点

328
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,580
嘿

329
00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:00,930
你昨晚和Vivian谈得怎么样

330
00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,680
非常好 进展得很顺利

331
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,550
我去了她的公寓 和她面对面坐下

332
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,290
然后我慌了就临阵退缩了

333
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,490
噢不

334
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,190
但是好消息是 她正在来这的路上

335
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,230
- 而且你会帮我跟她说的 - 噢不

336
00:12:12,260 --> 00:12:14,010
只要让她知道我绝对不该退休 移居加拿大

337
00:12:14,010 --> 00:12:15,220
但是别告诉她我是这么想的

338
00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:16,400
- 嗨 - 嗨 Vivian

339
00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:18,400
嗨 Jake

340
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,170
Vivian

341
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,290
Jake你真是贴心

342
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,700
Charles说你坚持让我来一起吃早饭

343
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,730
因为这对我来说十分的重要

344
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,480
我是说早饭

345
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,700
你知道吗在古埃及

346
00:12:32,740 --> 00:12:34,760
农民们的早饭就是啤酒

347
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,280
这就说明了为什么他们的建筑是歪曲的

348
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,450
Charles 我们能一起去下洗手间吗

349
00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:41,580
我背上有个痣需要找人看看

350
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:42,600
刚好Charles有眼睛

351
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,080
我的确有

352
00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:46,550
好吧 来看看那个痣

353
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:49,360
什么 走开 那只是个瞎编的借口

354
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,470
当然咯 我知道

355
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,720
听着 我不能代替你和Vivian说 这太疯狂了

356
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,280
我试过和她说 就像我们练习的那样

357
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,560
但每次我提起渥太华

358
00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:59,100
她都在说对于我们的未来有多期待

359
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,060
然后我们就会做爱

360
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:00,900
别说"做爱"这个词好吗

361
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,060
好吧 我们翻云覆雨了

362
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:03,460
我不想知道那是什么

363
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,600
我不想搬去加拿大

364
00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:05,930
但我不能失去她

365
00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:08,270
你是我的伴郎 拜托帮帮我啦

366
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,610
好吧 我试试看

367
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,820
好的 不要说得太刻意

368
00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,380
这样她就不会觉得是我让你这么说的

369
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,490
当然 那有什么难的

370
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,740
我经常和别人聊起渥太华郊区

371
00:13:18,650 --> 00:13:21,100
等一下 别走 我还得尿尿

372
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,440
你尿你的 关我屁事

373
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:26,020
我可以盯着你的羊角面包看一小会儿吗

374
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,120
警长

375
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,890
你需要停止节食了

376
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,570
Amy和我都投降了 你已经赢了

377
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,480
这不是场比赛 我们本该是同一个团队的

378
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,500
直到你们抛弃我 加入了吃货队

379
00:13:36,530 --> 00:13:39,250
我反击的有力吗 我饿到无法分辨了

380
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,620
超有力的反击 长官

381
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,700
拜托你吃点东西吧 你看起来很虚弱

382
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:43,770
我很好

383
00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:45,440
我现在前所未有的强壮

384
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,040
看着

385
00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:49,730
警长 你在干什么

386
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:51,080
不 不 不 不 不 不

387
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:53,110
哇

388
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:57,550
看到了吗 我很好

389
00:13:57,590 --> 00:13:59,870
发生什么了

390
00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:02,640
只是肚子叫罢了 节食弄得我身体系统紊乱

391
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,190
噢 不

392
00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,450
快回里面去

393
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,570
你在和我们说还是在和屁说

394
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:17,600
对了 Vivian 你看冰球比赛吗

395
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,400
不 我对体育不感兴趣

396
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,750
我想也是

397
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,590
我的研究生学生跟我说了件她家最疯狂的事

398
00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:26,450
真有趣

399
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,150
嘿 能把枫糖浆递给我吗

400
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:31,180
说到这个 最好的枫糖浆是哪里出产的来着

401
00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:32,350
佛蒙特州

402
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:34,320
噢 还有加拿大

403
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,660
加拿大吗 嘿 这倒提醒了我

404
00:14:36,690 --> 00:14:39,080
你们俩是不是考虑搬去那儿啊

405
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:43,010
没错 要翻开我们生活的新篇章 我们都激动死了

406
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:44,270
是啊 但作为一个阅读了

407
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,770
不少Charles生活老篇章的人来说

408
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,720
我不知道这对他来说是不是最好的选择

409
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,910
感谢你的关心 但是

410
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:54,690
Chuck很期待能搬去加拿大 对吧宝贝

411
00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:56,740
嗯 嘴满说不了话 我爱你

412
00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:59,160
但是他的工作他的朋友

413
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,620
还有他的布鲁克林披萨博客怎么办

414
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,900
加拿大有披萨吗

415
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,260
有的 而且更松软 还是甜的

416
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,090
叫做曼尼托巴酱饼

417
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:08,560
好吧 Charles绝对不会喜欢的

418
00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:10,730
Jake 我觉得你有点干涉太多了

419
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,110
我和Charles都想搬去加拿大

420
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:16,460
真的吗 Charles 你是这么想的吗

421
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:20,470
呃 是啊

422
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,500
我想从警队退休然后和Vivian一起搬去渥太华

423
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,660
而且说实话 我不懂你为什么要多管闲事

424
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,010
没人在乎你是怎么想的

425
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,550
Vivi

426
00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,750
我们走

427
00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:35,150
搞什么啊

428
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:36,880
Diaz警探

429
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,410
我听说Deetmore警官的事进行的依旧不太顺利

430
00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:42,660
无意冒犯 长官 我就是这么被训练的

431
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,840
你搞砸了 就得被取笑

432
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,570
就像是老鼠走迷宫失败了

433
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:47,950
就得被科学家杀掉一样

434
00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:48,730
我懂的

435
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,550
我刚当警察的时候

436
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,970
我就是那只老鼠 还被杀了

437
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,160
我唯一目标就是当警监

438
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,540
然后大展拳脚(发射闪电球)

439
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,770
就像帕尔帕丁皇帝

440
00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:00,580
我不知道这人是谁

441
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:04,160
但是真正的领导者不会在别人搞砸时发难

442
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,120
而是教导他们如何解决问题

443
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:09,620
我认为你是个领导者

444
00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:11,090
所以要有领导的样子

445
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,720
我尽力 对不起

446
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,560
求你了 Diaz 别这么歇斯底里

447
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:20,840
- 难以置信 他居然要搬去加拿大  - 我懂

448
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,400
我还试着帮助他 他却倒打一耙

449
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,170
所以我不当伴郎了

450
00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:26,160
- Jake  - 咋了

451
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,300
我什么都没做错

452
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,470
我这么忠诚 容忍了他那些蠢主意

453
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:32,820
辣蛋糕 橄榄做的香槟

454
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,640
念食谱样式的誓言

455
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,640
"一勺永恒的爱"

456
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,320
"门敞开 撒下少许的尿"

457
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,130
行了 难以入耳

458
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:41,980
就是

459
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:44,310
我就是不明白他为什么这么奇怪

460
00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:46,140
真不敢相信他就这样背叛了我

461
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,360
他就像变了一个人似的

462
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,530
也许因为他面临一个糟糕的决定

463
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:51,130
却不知道该怎么办

464
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,290
听起来有道理

465
00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:55,150
我觉得他需要他的"斑狼"

466
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:56,680
是念"伴郎"

467
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:57,940
我没时间教你丹麦语

468
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,050
我得去帮助Charles

469
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,540
等我找到他在哪会发短信给你

470
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:01,570
那算是帮大忙了

471
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,400
- Charles 上车  - 不要

472
00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:09,160
去死吧

473
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:10,680
别对我鸣笛

474
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,290
你不当我伴郎了 我不要和你说话

475
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:16,660
警察 别动

476
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:20,560
真讨厌自己这么守规章制度

477
00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:22,130
听我说 Boyle

478
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,800
在告诉Vivian你的感受之前

479
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,040
不准提交退休申请

480
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:25,880
我不允许

481
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,590
真的吗 你要怎么阻止我啊

482
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:28,400
棍打膝盖

483
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:30,500
啥棍打膝盖

484
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,840
啊 痛

485
00:17:33,870 --> 00:17:36,240
嘿  Deetmore

486
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,510
我很抱歉 在大家面前取笑你

487
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:41,710
还在你背后取笑你

488
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,770
我本来不知道 但是谢谢你的道歉

489
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:45,670
我还没说完呢

490
00:17:45,670 --> 00:17:47,690
还有 我很抱歉在我的读书俱乐部取笑了你

491
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:48,870
这些人甚至不认识你

492
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:49,860
是我不对

493
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:51,160
还有 我很抱歉

494
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:52,770
行了 我懂了

495
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:53,730
不行

496
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,730
还有 我很抱歉我没花时间

497
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,430
教你怎么改正你的错误

498
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:00,500
来吧 我们可以去楼上做

499
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:03,100
谢谢 那太好了

500
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:05,020
还要道个歉

501
00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:07,440
你就要看到一幅我在电梯里给你画的像

502
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:09,410
提醒一下 我是在气头上画的

503
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,880
我愿意继续做你的伴郎

504
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,220
噢 你真好啊

505
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,180
你要带我去膝盖专科医院吗

506
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:20,650
你的膝盖没事

507
00:18:20,690 --> 00:18:21,990
而且你那样背叛我

508
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:23,510
这也算是你的报应

509
00:18:23,510 --> 00:18:25,810
对不起 我太过分了

510
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:28,190
我只是不知道该怎么做

511
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:29,900
我知道很难

512
00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,230
但是我在这儿支持你

513
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,370
不只是支持你的怪异差劲的婚礼策划

514
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,600
差劲

515
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,870
完了 我是不是设计出了史上最差婚礼

516
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,540
第二差 第一差的是血色婚礼

517
00:18:39,570 --> 00:18:41,820
还有 你的婚礼会很棒的

518
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,580
因为那就是你想要的婚礼

519
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,480
但是你不会想去加拿大的

520
00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:47,950
所以我不管你要倒打几耙

521
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:49,550
我都会让你和Vivian谈谈

522
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:52,980
好吧 谢谢 你说的没错

523
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,720
你知道吗 我准备好了

524
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,350
我没准备好 我要逃跑了

525
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:58,660
Boyle 别

526
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:00,410
我没准备好 我没准备好 我没准备好

527
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,090
嘿 超级巨星

528
00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:05,750
为什么拉长"屁" 我是指"脸"

529
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:06,830
脸怎么拉这么长

530
00:19:06,870 --> 00:19:07,970
快走开 Linetti

531
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,860
好吧 但是这奶昔美味极了

532
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,230
听着 嘘 嘘

533
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:13,100
听着

534
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:16,140
够了 我放弃

535
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:17,780
你为什么这么在意节食

536
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:19,910
别节食了 你身材很好

537
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,650
嗯 阿门

538
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,980
我这么做不是为了自己

539
00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,650
我老婆在节食

540
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,280
自从她生了双胞胎之后

541
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,650
对自己的身材就有些不满意

542
00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:29,020
真是疯了

543
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,040
我觉得她很完美了

544
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,490
我一直都这么和她说的

545
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,030
我很敬佩你为老婆这么付出 Terry

546
00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:36,410
她整天跟着孩子屁股后面跑

547
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:37,730
我却什么忙也帮不上

548
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:40,180
这是唯一一件我能和她共甘苦的事

549
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,470
但是我意志力太薄弱了

550
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,140
把奶昔给我

551
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:47,610
好吧

552
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,010
嘿 你在做什么 什么

553
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,440
谢谢

554
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,810
我们还是个团队

555
00:19:52,850 --> 00:19:55,710
我们会阻止你进食 这样你就能支持你老婆了

556
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:57,420
谢谢队友

557
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,730
但是丑话说在前面 我和Gina还是会吃的

558
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:02,690
我现在就吃 Terry 玉米热狗

559
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,560
走吧 到了

560
00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:07,560
你行的 好吗

561
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:13,730
你好 Vivian Charles有事想对你说

562
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,230
防止他逃跑

563
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:22,510
Vivian

564
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:24,180
我们得谈谈渥太华

565
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,290
Jake

566
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,320
哦

567
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,860
嘿

568
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,530
进行得怎样 还顺利吧

569
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,630
Vivian和我谈了很久

570
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:45,660
还有许多事需要商量 但是也算是好的开头

571
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:47,100
你说得对 她没有甩了我

572
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:50,440
你做得很好 我知道你害怕

573
00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:52,640
嘿

574
00:20:52,670 --> 00:20:55,670
你的伴郎职责还没尽完呢

575
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:58,260
什么 威士忌和雪茄

576
00:20:58,260 --> 00:20:59,780
嗯

577
00:20:59,810 --> 00:21:01,680
感谢你这个最好的伴郎

578
00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:04,080
敬梦幻"新狼"

579
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:09,520
啊 好辣 为什么这么辣