1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,260
好的

2
00:00:03,260 --> 00:00:05,730
明天见 谢谢了 医生

3
00:00:05,730 --> 00:00:07,390
再见

4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:10,720
嘿 警长

5
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,300
我不是有意 而是无心听到

6
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:14,150
你要去看医生 身体还好吗

7
00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:19,070
我要去结扎了

8
00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:22,660
你们在说啥 我可是听到有人说"结扎"了哦

9
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,560
我就结扎了 没什么大不了的

10
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,710
就是打了麻药 只不过让你的鸡鸡从皮到芯没知觉个一年

11
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:27,940
不该这样的呀

12
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:29,000
"从皮到芯"

13
00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:31,010
等一下

14
00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:32,970
你打算让某位招摇撞骗的医生

15
00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:34,210
磨刀霍霍向你的命根子么

16
00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:37,090
上帝赐你大力护体

17
00:00:37,090 --> 00:00:39,920
你绝不能让它折翼

18
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,680
你要让它自由飞翔

19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,790
谢谢各位 打住吧 我不需要任何信息"注入"了

20
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,890
我猜你老婆也不需要了吧

21
00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:48,100
好了 同志们

22
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,770
要是警长想砍掉他的鸡鸡

23
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:50,740
那是他的选择

24
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:52,740
结扎不是这么回事

25
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:54,180
要是你们还不回去工作

26
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,030
我要开始开除警探了

27
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,170
是"开空枪"吧

28
00:00:57,170 --> 00:00:59,320
抱歉 我好不容易想到个双关

29
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,090
还有谁有嘲笑我的 逾时不候啊

30
00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:04,750
天呐 别这么"鸡"冻嘛

31
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:07,120
我猜你不会接到"鸡凸热线"了

32
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,520
警长 这会记录在你的怀"精"档案上吗

33
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:10,630
现在播放

34
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:13,590
神烦警探 第二季 第二集

35
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,830
警长 好消息

36
00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:37,050
我刚接到一个酷炫的刺伤案

37
00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:38,940
不好意思 刺伤案不是好事

38
00:01:38,940 --> 00:01:41,360
但是酷炫之处在于 伤者没死

39
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,550
而且他开了一家巧克力牛奶店

40
00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:45,250
- 真的吗  - 是不是很酷

41
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:46,320
终于能有个愚蠢的布鲁克林嬉皮士

42
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:47,920
合我的口味 让我也能跟上潮流了

43
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,290
想加入和我一起破案吗

44
00:01:49,290 --> 00:01:50,460
我们可是金牌搭档

45
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:51,530
Jeffords 和 Peralta

46
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:52,500
Jake 和 Terry

47
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:54,130
巧克力(黑人)和牛奶(白人)

48
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:55,870
我是说 我是巧克力

49
00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:57,680
你是牛奶因为你浑身都是蛋白质

50
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,220
别生气 快办案吧

51
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,700
好的 但是今天我要去结扎

52
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:04,420
所以过几个小时我就得回来

53
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:05,880
赶车去看医生

54
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:06,840
我邻居来送我

55
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,080
因为我老婆和孩子一起出城了

56
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,450
不如我送你去吧

57
00:02:10,450 --> 00:02:11,460
不知道

58
00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:13,940
可能我没把你当做那种朋友吧

59
00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:15,580
警长 我可是万能型朋友

60
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:18,450
我是Phoebe 我是Chandler 我是Rachel 我还是

61
00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:19,560
那个恐龙男是谁来着

62
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,490
Ross 伙计 是Ross

63
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,860
抱歉 我忘了你是Ross的死忠(也指光头)了

64
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,530
那么 我们一起搞定这个案子

65
00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:28,290
然后 我会化身你的战车小伙伴

66
00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,320
送你去体验世纪鸡鸡大移除

67
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,070
新上任的警局局长计划

68
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,260
搞一个人员大调整

69
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:37,670
但是首先 他要派副局长

70
00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:40,770
到各个片区做个彻底的评估

71
00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:43,010
啥 啥时候 是打分制评估

72
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:44,880
还是走形式的通过制评估

73
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,520
一到五评分

74
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,030
字母评分有多少级别

75
00:02:48,030 --> 00:02:50,720
用数字代替字母评分太诡异了

76
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,200
现在的话题已经很诡异了

77
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:56,060
Boyle Diaz 我要求证据室整齐得无可挑剔

78
00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:57,960
Santiago 我迎接副局长的时候

79
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,260
你站在我身边给人家一个好印象

80
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:04,670
无意冒犯 你看着像是老师的狗腿

81
00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:07,840
一点也不冒犯 狗狗人人都爱

82
00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:09,640
好消息是 来评估我们的

83
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,630
是Brandt副局长

84
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,540
我跟他很有默契 他曾经是我的警监

85
00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:17,370
所以他算是我们的 警监爷

86
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,970
你真是太逗了

87
00:03:22,690 --> 00:03:24,970
正当十一点左右要打烊的时候

88
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,040
我听到了开门声 我想大概只是个"奶客"

89
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,480
我们对常客的称呼

90
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,380
- 是咩  - 接下来我只记得

91
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,280
我的背被人捅了 这个地方

92
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,040
看起来像个神经病似的

93
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:39,250
你能想出谁会有动机害你吗

94
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:40,530
废话

95
00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:43,160
干这行又不是来交朋友的

96
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,650
真的吗 我以为做巧克力牛奶

97
00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:45,830
是很容易交到朋友的

98
00:03:45,830 --> 00:03:47,940
我没证据 但捅我的人

99
00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:50,370
是我的合伙人 Gregory Phyllips

100
00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:51,760
他还在因为我不让他

101
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,210
进我的店而对我怀恨在心

102
00:03:53,210 --> 00:03:54,970
他只是个幕后合伙人

103
00:03:54,970 --> 00:03:57,320
但他不甘于待在幕后 他想要控制一切

104
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,930
给 试试这个

105
00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:01,760
- 终于有的喝了  - 好咧

106
00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:06,180
苦死了

107
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,940
这巧克力牛奶怎么回事

108
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,770
黑暗牛奶不是巧克力牛奶

109
00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:12,520
这是挤出来后未加工的牛奶

110
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,030
巧克力的苦味

111
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:16,210
带出了奶中的酸味

112
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:18,930
苦和酸是最糟糕的部分啊

113
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,610
- 我预约的时间到了 Jake  - 好的知道了

114
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,410
好了 我们会继续追查然后向你汇报情况

115
00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:27,780
好啦 警长 我也不想成为"那种朋友"

116
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:29,850
但还是走起去切小鸡鸡吧

117
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,520
你去哪儿了 这里一团糟

118
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,260
Gina把证物按照罪犯魅力值来分类

119
00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,320
对不起 我刚得到了些坏消息

120
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,340
我姐姐本来要和我一起去订婚派对的

121
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:41,500
但她突然去不了了

122
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,050
那一个人去啊 或许还能遇到下一春

123
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,100
这是我前妻Eleanor的订婚派对

124
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,260
我不能一个人去

125
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:48,900
我怕看起来会有点可悲

126
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,960
是啊 你姐姐陪你去就不可悲了

127
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,710
老兄 你到底为什么要

128
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,370
去你前妻的订婚派对

129
00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:58,910
她和她未婚夫Hercules也是我的房东

130
00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:00,280
想躲都躲不了

131
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,640
我就住在他们地下室

132
00:05:02,610 --> 00:05:06,010
嘿 你在和我想一样的事情吗

133
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:06,380
没有

134
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:07,570
你可以和我一起去

135
00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:09,320
不行 明晚有约会

136
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,530
好吧 我会另想出办法来的

137
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:15,920
我知道了 如果我付钱给我邻居Joann的话

138
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,630
她或许会愿意抛下老婆陪我去

139
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,420
警监 我不知道这会不会太过了

140
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:24,250
但我给副局长Brandt买了一篮梨

141
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:27,480
它们看起来又熟又脆

142
00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:29,210
你好 Raymond

143
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,040
Wuntch警监 很高兴见到你

144
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,630
不过 你怎么会在这

145
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,960
你不是应该忙着看守地狱么

146
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,210
请称呼我为副局长

147
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,650
毫无悬念的 我被提拔为你的上级了

148
00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:47,500
现在 我是来这儿评估你的

149
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:48,780
Brandt呢

150
00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,290
他退休搬去查尔斯顿

151
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,240
培养和他孙子之间的感情了

152
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,780
还不如办公室里等死有尊严

153
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:57,750
有意思 鉴于现在这个情况

154
00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:00,660
我会尽力配合你的

155
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,030
别和我甜言蜜语 Holt

156
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,830
我已经尽力了 我们开始吧

157
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:10,340
哈喽

158
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,020
怎么样

159
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,520
他以后说话就变高音了吗

160
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,130
什么 不 当然不是

161
00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:15,070
当然不是啊

162
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:15,930
Jake

163
00:06:15,930 --> 00:06:18,590
医生把我变成超级英雄了

164
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,770
我好强壮啊

165
00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:24,440
他们还把我变成黑人了

166
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,950
他药劲还没退呢

167
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,570
我们没能实施手术

168
00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:28,670
你这位朋友太大了

169
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,540
所以你需要个更大的工具来搞定他那玩意

170
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:34,410
不 我是说他个头太大了

171
00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:36,350
我们库存的麻醉剂不够

172
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:37,960
他需要注射更大的剂量

173
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,650
喂 喂 Jake

174
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,510
有时候我区分不出我的双胞胎宝贝女儿

175
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,050
就一律管她们叫宝宝

176
00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:49,100
哇噢 所以他现在就跟喝了吐真剂一样是嘛

177
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:49,630
没错

178
00:06:50,050 --> 00:06:51,360
我们现在要回家了 警长

179
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,480
对了 你觉得Holt警监这人咋样

180
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,550
他需要抽点大麻放松一下

181
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:56,380
耶

182
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:58,240
多谢了 割鸡鸡医生

183
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,910
好了 到家了

184
00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:03,830
哇 太酷了

185
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,850
兄弟 你的头好小啊

186
00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:09,260
就像

187
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,490
不不 实在太小了

188
00:07:13,490 --> 00:07:13,880
好吧

189
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,770
哪有位置放你的大脑呢

190
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,510
啊 好孩子

191
00:07:20,510 --> 00:07:23,390
好了 睡衣给你换上了 睡前故事也讲了

192
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:25,080
床底下有没有怪物也检查过了

193
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,010
再检查一遍

194
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,140
现在该乖乖睡觉了 来吧

195
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,410
- 上床睡觉去  - 等等 等一等

196
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:35,750
你答应我 不要让他们给我做那个手术

197
00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:40,350
我还想要孩子 我不要被结扎

198
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:42,630
答应我 小脑袋 答应我

199
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,780
好啦 答应你就是了

200
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:45,820
太好了

201
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,980
我还没有用够我的"小弟弟"呢

202
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:50,630
好好好

203
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:55,000
我还要让它们放"射"歌唱

204
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,510
噢喔 这羞耻的步伐

205
00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:02,950
和昨天一样的衣服

206
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,280
我在警长家过的夜

207
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:05,670
简直不堪回首

208
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:08,730
我命令你过来 电话

209
00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,660
行了 我们赶紧去审嫌疑犯吧

210
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,300
我下午还要去补做结扎手术呢

211
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,940
等等 你说你还要干嘛

212
00:08:15,940 --> 00:08:17,650
昨晚你告诉我你不想做那手术的

213
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:18,670
然后你就压在我身上

214
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,610
彻底改变了我的骨骼形状

215
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,700
不 我绝对是想做那手术的

216
00:08:23,510 --> 00:08:26,990
昨天大概是药物的原因 我当时快嗨得飞起来了

217
00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:33,040
- 我有这样 而且叫你小脑袋吗  - 有

218
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,020
我开始慢慢回想起昨晚的事了

219
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,670
噢 很好

220
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,630
哈哈 小脑袋

221
00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:42,270
Jake 在这个切不切输精管的问题上

222
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:45,010
我怕警长会做出错误的决定

223
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:47,890
可不是 他昨天还让我一定要阻止他去做手术

224
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:50,260
绝不是药的原因 他确实不想结扎

225
00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:53,180
身为朋友 我应该去阻止他

226
00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:00,700
抱歉 我的脊椎被Terry压得跟一堆碎石子似的

227
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,210
在我上任以后

228
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:07,380
暴力犯罪率下降了百分之17.3

229
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,680
如你所见

230
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,890
双色图表么

231
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,430
你觉得用这些华而不实的图表

232
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:15,000
就能向我隐瞒这个片区的问题吗

233
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,540
你还真是没变啊

234
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:18,930
光说不做

235
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,820
我要去做随机调查了

236
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,240
我的天哪 她一定不会让我们通过的

237
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,220
自打二年级的那个课间以后

238
00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:28,280
我就再也没得过F了

239
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,400
"Amy 老师也得休息呀"

240
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,420
打从她踏进片区的那一刻

241
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:33,250
我们就注定玩完了

242
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:34,450
真有意思

243
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:38,230
初次见面时 我们的关系还很好呢

244
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,350
似乎我们都想要这个订书机啊

245
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:44,480
是啊 鉴于我们一致的动作

246
00:09:48,260 --> 00:09:49,810
那你们的关系是什么时候破裂的

247
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:53,050
1989年 我当时得到了一个

248
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,810
能让人飞黄腾达的晋升

249
00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:56,750
Wuntch答应为我写一封信

250
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,550
然而她却狠狠中伤了我

251
00:09:58,550 --> 00:10:00,970
因为在她上交前的那晚

252
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,150
我们有了些小摩擦

253
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:03,770
Madeline

254
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,190
你想来一杯吗

255
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,190
当然

256
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,420
你肯定看得出来 我喝多了

257
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:12,470
我喝了几杯

258
00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:13,890
为了壮壮胆

259
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:17,280
咱俩应该都清楚我接下来要说什么

260
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,530
Raymond

261
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,710
一切尽在不言中

262
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,310
我是同性恋

263
00:10:26,310 --> 00:10:28,490
这就是我想要说的

264
00:10:28,970 --> 00:10:29,560
那好吧

265
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,380
她毁了我的工作

266
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:35,380
就是因为我不肯和她上床

267
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,020
他觉得是我捅的他

268
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:39,990
抽疯了吧

269
00:10:39,990 --> 00:10:41,350
他说你肯定是被他激怒了

270
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,820
因为他不让你再靠近餐馆一步

271
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,130
而且他还说你的商业计划书很垃圾

272
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:46,840
信息记录为

273
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:50,330
"你那点子是薄饼里傻逼兮兮的浆糊"

274
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:53,120
"你这坨冒着烟的人形'栅栏'"

275
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,220
我估计原本写的是"大粪"而不是"栅栏"

276
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,370
听着 天下没有不散的筵席

277
00:10:58,370 --> 00:10:59,450
他是很难相处

278
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,080
但是我永远不会对他动杀机

279
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:03,600
你周一晚上十点左右在哪里呢

280
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,000
我和我的商学院校友每周一都会聚会

281
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,300
在一起喝喝小酒

282
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:09,570
而且 街对面有个普拉提锻炼房

283
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,480
装了个特别大的窗户

284
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,170
从那可是能看到不少妹子呢

285
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:16,350
我猜一定比捅人有趣多了吧

286
00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:17,780
我十点钟就离开了

287
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,170
我坐地铁回了家

288
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:20,930
在家门口的约克街下的车

289
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,250
冲着一个雕像狂吐

290
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:22,900
然后就睡觉去了

291
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:23,990
经典 好了

292
00:11:23,990 --> 00:11:25,460
我们已经占用了你不少时间

293
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,780
请享受剩下的一天

294
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:29,580
继续"一坨人形栅栏"的人生吧

295
00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:32,070
好吧 我们来看看"黑暗牛奶"周边的人

296
00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,730
见没见过那个普拉提变态或者别人

297
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,050
偷偷潜入过犯罪现场

298
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:35,800
收到

299
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:36,790
我们会做些警察的活

300
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:38,180
将心比心地谈论你的结扎手术

301
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:38,840
取消你的结扎手术

302
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:39,550
出去喝几杯

303
00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:41,220
嘲笑你差点经历的结扎手术

304
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:43,930
别再担心我的结扎手术了

305
00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:45,860
你也应该注意自己的身体了

306
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,390
你上次吃胡萝卜是什么时候

307
00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:49,340
那是我最不爱吃的一种蛋糕

308
00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:50,180
所以 我很少吃

309
00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:51,160
如果非吃不可

310
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,420
那我就只吃那层糖霜

311
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,210
嘿 得了吧 蛋糕仔

312
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:57,250
你就是让医疗保险不断上涨的罪魁祸首

313
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:57,790
当真吗

314
00:11:57,790 --> 00:11:59,390
你知道还有什么也会提高保险费吗

315
00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:01,180
违背自身意愿的阉割

316
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,140
多谢你能来

317
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,610
我还怕你收不到信息呢

318
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,020
Charles 不太可能收不到好吗

319
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:09,820
速来男厕所

320
00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:11,160
我的神啊
速来男厕所

321
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:11,210
我的神啊

322
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,720
我没别的办法了

323
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,350
你说过工作时间不能说话

324
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:15,600
因为我们已经鬼混过了

325
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,630
这话好恶心

326
00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:19,690
我想说的是 我前妻这周末要订婚了

327
00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,560
我想问你 愿不愿意跟我一起去

328
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,700
以朋友的身份

329
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:27,710
不 Charles 虽然我们之间有不可告人的秘密

330
00:12:27,710 --> 00:12:29,310
但不代表我们就是朋友了

331
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:30,110
那不做朋友

332
00:12:30,110 --> 00:12:31,180
"炮友"怎么样

333
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:35,150
你说"鬼混"我还没想扇你

334
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:37,540
但是"炮友"

335
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,340
我实在受不了

336
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:42,070
你在"黑暗牛奶"附近有没有见过这人

337
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,050
我不去那儿

338
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,350
他们不让宝宝进店

339
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:47,170
这些人是怎么回事

340
00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:49,660
我还是小屁孩的时候只喝巧克力牛奶呢

341
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:51,250
谢谢你的配合

342
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,130
也谢谢你 可爱的小宝宝

343
00:12:53,130 --> 00:12:56,330
你可能让我的搭档心里五味杂陈

344
00:12:56,330 --> 00:12:58,370
"别做手术 警长

345
00:12:58,370 --> 00:13:01,200
还是给我生一个肌肉发达的小玩伴吧"

346
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,090
够了

347
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:03,310
我同意 够了 宝宝

348
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,510
管好你自己的事儿吧

349
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,080
我从没听说过"黑暗牛奶"

350
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,710
也从没见过这人

351
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:10,880
这就是你的线索

352
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,050
我们为什么来这儿

353
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:13,600
网上说

354
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,180
Mindel医生是公园坡地区最棒的婚姻咨询师

355
00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:18,520
还接受临时咨询呢

356
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,840
婚姻咨询

357
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,250
抱歉浪费你的时间

358
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,070
等等 别走啊

359
00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:24,770
我可是花了不少钱呢

360
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,830
真抱歉

361
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,000
他离开了

362
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,410
正如你父亲当年一样

363
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,470
等等 我没告诉过你啊

364
00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:34,800
用不着说

365
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:37,940
你确实够厉害的

366
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:39,700
警长 等等

367
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,760
拜托 别生气嘛

368
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,750
我只是不想让你被自己的蠢主意伤害了

369
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,850
闹够了没 Jake

370
00:13:46,850 --> 00:13:48,380
对不起

371
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,950
但那天你精神错乱了 说的可都是真心话

372
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:53,090
你让我发了誓的 作为你的朋友

373
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:54,690
我说过了 Jake

374
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:56,260
我们不是那种朋友

375
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:57,830
不是哪种朋友

376
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,190
"交心朋友"

377
00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:01,320
你我只是"普通同事"而已

378
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,940
如果你不介意的话

379
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,320
我要去医生那儿了

380
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:08,290
别想就这样摆脱我

381
00:14:08,670 --> 00:14:11,620
准备好被"交心朋友"制服吧

382
00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:14,910
取消和医生的预约

383
00:14:14,910 --> 00:14:15,980
我抓住你了

384
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,480
你不能动了吧

385
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,630
先生 承认被打败了吧

386
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,750
你已经被控制住了

387
00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:23,770
抽查完了

388
00:14:23,770 --> 00:14:26,380
不用说 我觉得很无趣

389
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:27,580
你的表情告诉我

390
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:31,020
你不是便秘了就是怕冷了

391
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,430
不好意思 警监

392
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,560
我不想说是我挽救了大局

393
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,890
但我还是要说 因为事实如此

394
00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,760
看这个

395
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,700
这是她25年前为你写的推荐信

396
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:44,950
你从哪搞到的

397
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,690
我去了一趟警察厅

398
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:49,270
施展了"Amy的诱惑"

399
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,660
他们觉得你没完没了

400
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:51,860
所以只好把东西给你了

401
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:52,840
差不多

402
00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:55,900
重点是 信里都是溢美之词

403
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:59,260
你以为她写了负面的评价

404
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:00,420
因为那晚的事

405
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:01,690
但她没有

406
00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:03,170
这是场误会

407
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,270
等等

408
00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:07,510
你觉得我是因为同性恋的事而毁了你的升职吗

409
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,690
这就是这么多年来你生我气的原因吗

410
00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:13,290
原因之一

411
00:15:13,290 --> 00:15:15,480
我不在乎你拒绝过我

412
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:19,280
你承认自己的性取向 是我尊敬你原因之一

413
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,210
那你为什么生气

414
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,940
我生气 是因为你想害我丢掉饭碗

415
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,720
是啊 你击中我了

416
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,600
我击中你是因为你站错位了

417
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,990
你没听指令行事

418
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,820
我执行卧底任务那次

419
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:32,990
你毁了我的个人档案怎么说

420
00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:34,100
为了防内奸

421
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,490
你想让我消失

422
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,320
你让我在Derek Jeter面前丢尽脸面

423
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:43,190
是你自己让你在Derek Jeter面前丢尽脸面

424
00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:48,780
嗨 Rosa

425
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:52,490
把我归档到"时髦"如何

426
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,740
- 什么  - 麦穗头

427
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:55,320
干嘛

428
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,700
我前妻和她未婚夫总去牙买加玩

429
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,330
他们婚礼派对的主题就是"牙买加我爱你"

430
00:16:01,330 --> 00:16:02,440
真不错

431
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,410
那个 我还缺个女伴

432
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:08,770
我时髦的发型是否让你改变主意了

433
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:10,290
你我都知道没有

434
00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:11,360
明白了

435
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,070
好吧

436
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,750
你怎么一脸心烦的样子

437
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:18,270
我想阻止警长做那手术

438
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:20,410
但他偷偷溜走去医院了

439
00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:22,280
你说什么 他真要做吗

440
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,250
他不肯听我的

441
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,840
说我只是个"普通同事"

442
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:26,570
啊 听着都心寒

443
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,010
我想起个故事

444
00:16:28,010 --> 00:16:30,430
我有一件毛衣 我叫它工作毛衣

445
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:32,050
因为看起来只适合在工作场合穿

446
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:35,120
但有一次 我穿着它去吃晚餐

447
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,100
我才意识到 "哦天呐"

448
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:39,560
"这件毛衣无论在哪穿都那么漂亮"

449
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:41,370
我懂了

450
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:42,650
我就是那件毛衣

451
00:16:42,650 --> 00:16:43,310
不

452
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:46,250
我要告诉警长 我能做他的下班后的"交心朋友"

453
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,100
不

454
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,000
谢谢你 Gina

455
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:48,930
我要去拦住他

456
00:16:49,110 --> 00:16:50,750
Jake 我完全不知道你在说什么

457
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:51,990
不过祝你好运

458
00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,700
那么 再见 Raymond

459
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:57,970
在我评估完成前 你还有什么要说吗

460
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,920
类似一些讨好的话

461
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:00,360
没有

462
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,670
你想的话就给我不及格吧

463
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,560
你真让她给我们不及格

464
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,680
对于你所珍视的好成绩我很抱歉 Santiago

465
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,270
但这不关你事

466
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,220
别跟我来"不关你事"这一套

467
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:16,480
我才要说 "不关你事"

468
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:19,200
要是评估成绩不合格

469
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,670
你就再也不能当我警监了

470
00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:22,830
Wuntch给了90片区不及格

471
00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,000
他们的警监就被开除了

472
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,900
我试着说过好话了 但她拒绝听我的

473
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:30,260
说好话我也是有底线的

474
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,430
你最好放弃底线

475
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,100
我还需要你的领导

476
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:37,020
这个片区还需要你领导

477
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:39,330
哄她去吧 警监

478
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,230
警长 嘿

479
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:52,180
你来这做什么 小脑袋

480
00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:56,590
你最好别再教唆我放弃手术

481
00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,270
听着 我不是来让你放弃什么的

482
00:17:58,270 --> 00:17:59,820
我只是准备接你回家

483
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:01,350
我想努力证明

484
00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:03,250
我不仅仅是你的"普通同事"

485
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,080
谢谢你 微型脑袋

486
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,120
嗨 有个好消息

487
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,320
我搞清楚案子了

488
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,560
记得Gregory说案发当晚他是在约克街站下的地铁吗

489
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,720
我从这里去搭地铁 地铁正关闭修建

490
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,500
那 你的意思是

491
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,700
我捅了他

492
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,340
是我干的

493
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,520
先这样 我们明天再谈这个

494
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,140
做完手术再见

495
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:32,720
Jake 你说得对 我不想做手术 小脑袋

496
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,780
纽约警局 放下手术刀 不要动我同事的命根子

497
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,040
打扮得不错啊 Boyle

498
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,960
这可不是个好预兆

499
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,200
嗨 伙计

500
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:45,980
Rosa

501
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:47,840
你改变主意了

502
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,040
我放了约会对象的鸽子

503
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,440
决定和你在牙买加酷刑室度过严酷的一晚

504
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:53,480
真的吗

505
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,320
对 接下来我会这么做

506
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,720
我们一起去这个糟糕的聚会

507
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,060
你讲笑话我都会笑

508
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,620
帮你炫耀你的英勇勋章

509
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:01,680
让你看起来像牙买加节奏之神

510
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,000
就像里的Sebastian

511
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,800
还有 明天我会帮你找一套新公寓

512
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,860
你不能再住前妻的地下室了

513
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:11,660
哇 厉害哦 伙计

514
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,800
我要去车里读祝酒词了

515
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,300
你要致祝酒词

516
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,780
不如说我们要致祝酒词

517
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:19,860
到了

518
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:22,420
Jake 我有话要对你说

519
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:23,120
哦 天啊

520
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:26,740
我是有点纠结要不要做结扎术

521
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:29,900
是吗 所以你就朝医生扔心电图机了

522
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,460
很抱歉我把你只当做"普通同事"

523
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,320
你在这陪着我呢

524
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,080
你是个"交心"的朋友啊

525
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:40,440
你让Terry勇敢面对他自己和他的命根子

526
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:45,660
你的小脑袋里面有一颗赤忱热心啊

527
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,800
从科学上讲没有这回事 但是

528
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,200
谢谢了 警长

529
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,060
等我妻子回家了我会和她谈谈

530
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:57,560
你是个贴心的好哥们

531
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,260
不要 又来了

532
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,300
Santiago

533
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:03,420
我们的测评结果出来了

534
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:04,840
哦 我的天

535
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,000
要说再见了吗

536
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,580
我还有好多话要对你说

537
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:10,620
2.7分

538
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:12,800
一般般吧

539
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,300
但是足够让你继续在这里任职了

540
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,320
你是怎么让她改变主意的

541
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:19,440
我不得不违背自己的底线

542
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,780
从过去到现在 你都比我更加优秀

543
00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:24,840
然后呢

544
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:28,800
Derek Jeter的事情是我错了

545
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,720
真抱歉你要受这样的委屈

546
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,820
不 你是对的

547
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:34,380
这是一份我有过的最好的工作

548
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:37,620
因为一点小矛盾就放弃真是太蠢了

549
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,840
给 这是给你的

550
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,760
这是你过去几天工作的测评

551
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,600
字母评分的 以免显得很"诡异"

552
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,920
哦我的天 不用你这么费心

553
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:50,980
是个A

554
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,220
谢谢你

555
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:54,660
纯属好奇

556
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:58,820
你的系统里有A加吗 还是说A就是最高的

557
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,960
审讯怎么样了

558
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,240
Gregory承认是他捅的人

559
00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:06,760
干得漂亮

560
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,040
我和妻子谈过了

561
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,700
我们准备等等做手术

562
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:11,780
一切都好

563
00:21:11,780 --> 00:21:13,580
你告诉她我们睡了两次了吗

564
00:21:13,580 --> 00:21:15,180
谢谢你照顾我

565
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:16,900
给你准备了个礼物

566
00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:20,200
这也算是个礼物吗 Terry

567
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,680
我是很关心朋友的

568
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,320
现在给我吃了胡萝卜 否则我把你的小脑袋扭下来

569
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,940
- 不要 不要  - 来吧

570
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,670
我讨厌和你做朋友