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星期一

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这伙抢劫犯多在卡伯特街作案
星期一

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这伙抢劫犯多在卡伯特街作案

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他们是在两个多月前开始的

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就像这次简报会一样

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你能去培训下你的个人魅力吗

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我来了 我来了 抱歉 Charles

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别 Jake

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这么炫酷的入场就不用道歉了

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我家昨晚停电了

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闹钟没有响

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你的闹钟是插电的吗

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那你这是自作自受了 小子

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关键是 绝对下不为例

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继续吧

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星期二
继续吧

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星期二

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抱歉 我迟到了 警长

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早上没有热水了

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不过我来了 整装待发

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不会再影响你们了

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星期三

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- 抱歉 抱歉 抱歉  - 不是吧

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今天又是什么借口

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霉运连连

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我的车没油了

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洗衣店的衣服还莫名消失了

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我得去求我邻居给我借几件他的衣服

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你可没说过辛巴达住在你们楼里

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如果辛巴达住在我们楼里

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我会在额头上纹个纹身

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写上"辛巴达住在我们楼里"

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星期四
写上"辛巴达住在我们楼里"

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星期四

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我来了 我来了 我来了

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还早到一个半小时

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没错 一连串的霉运终于结束了

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Peralta 你的药检没有通过

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你的尿液里面检测到了可卡因和冰毒

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什么

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神烦警探 第二季 第十九集
什么

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神烦警探 第二季 第十九集

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警监 这简直是扯蛋

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我不嗑药的

45
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我确实有几颗牙有点松

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但那是因为没看牙医 不是吸毒

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对呀 那些检测根本不可信

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好了 先别怪检测

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我相信你的 Jake

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但是你看他 怪检测也太离谱了

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长官 听我说

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衣服丢了 没热水

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没电 没油

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现在又是这事

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这不是倒霉了 这是有关联的

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有人在搞我

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谁会这么做呢

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可能是我抓过的犯人

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这是唯一的解释了

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或者是你没交电费

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油箱里面没有加满油

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因为你想省点钱去超市买牛肉干

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错 我只在网上买牛肉干

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从世界顶级牛肉干(撸管)大师店里

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看起来你要升级下你的牛肉干收藏夹了

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我不是故意开黄腔

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话说回来 我能证明我加满油箱了

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我连发票都有

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因为我一直存着发票

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像一个成熟的成年人一样

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激光枪

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轮滑鞋

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遥控怪物卡车

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啊哈

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加油站

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有人抽了我的汽油

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好吧 我知道你不嗑药

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所以有可能是你所说的原因

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我会和总部谈谈 安排上诉

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我也会叫人调查是否存在蓄意陷害

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我来

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Jake 等我找到是谁敢这么对你

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我就扣掉他们的眼珠子 给他们眼窝里装满

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你和Jake关系太近 不适合调查这个

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了解

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Santiago Diaz 你们负责

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很好

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在这期间 Peralta 你被停职了

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你得把警徽和配枪交上来

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好吧 警徽和配枪给你

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但是我要在你办公室里给你

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这样我就能摔在你桌子上

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喊一句 "体制真是腐败"

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其实 按程序你要把警徽和配枪

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带去二楼的设备室

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填好452_J表格

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把表格送去给盘存员

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通过内部邮箱接收存放证

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体制真是腐败

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嗨 Boyle

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你和Jake办的那个

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敲诈案有进展了嘛

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没有 我一直在研究他的笔记

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他的字迹真是又酷又潦草

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噢 真希望我的字也能这么随性潇洒

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不过你也知道我 不是什么书法家

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是啊 那个 我觉得你可能需要一点人手

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好

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所以我要给你分配一个新搭档

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其实不只一个

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对 里面肯定是有东西

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像是个花生

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我打赌是颗腰果

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赌就赌

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别 警长 不要

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他们太糟糕了

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别夸大其词 Boyle

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他们可是好警探

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很不错的

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噢 不

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被我戳得更深了

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只有他们了

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长官

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Gina的舞会是在昨天晚上

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对啊

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那个"舞动里根"(音似南希·里根)表演

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我光想着Peralta药检的事

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把这个给忘了

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我也是

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不过别担心

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我告诉她我们去了

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你最喜欢的舞步是不是"海鸥步"

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还是"太空泡泡"

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噢 我两个都喜欢

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我喜欢泡泡

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也喜欢海鸥

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你对她说谎了

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天衣无缝

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我不想伤害她的感情

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她真的很希望我们出席

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好吧 希望你扯谎的时候没有提到我

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我严格遵守诚信准则

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别这样 警监

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你难道没有为了让别人开心说过善意的谎言么

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我只会在有人性命攸关的时候说谎

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或者一个八岁或者更小的小孩

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问起圣诞老人的时候

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你怎么说的

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我使用了逻辑上无法证伪

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的安全辞令去应对他们

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一些柔情的傻话

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但是他们买账了

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所以说

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你的意思是你会拆我的台

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告诉Gina事实吗

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要是她问起来 那么是的

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我想我会毫不犹豫地拆了你的台

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好了 这是我能想到的

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想给我捣乱的人

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罪犯 我作证指控的人

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我学江南Style舞步的时候

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住在我楼下的老头

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哇 你可是惹了不少人

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好吧 你要是活的太风光就会这样 Rosa

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我们需要查一下停电和停热水的原因

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你能证明你交过费了吗

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开什么玩笑

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姑娘们 这不是我的错

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有个小子在破坏

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我的名声

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或者是姑娘

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姑娘也可能是怪兽

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真是进步的思想啊 Jake

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听着 我们站在你这边

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不过这事不由你来负责

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这个要由我们来做

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好吧 你们可以看我的银行记录

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不过我一直有交电费

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经常晚交

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有次自己用加拿大硬币自己去交的

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噢 老天 谈你的经济状况

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让我直冒冷汗

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不错

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嘿 说到异味

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我们应该开始从

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尿检实验室开始调查吗

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嗯 去参观一下老尿液工厂

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Jake 你被停职了

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回家去 喝杯啤酒 砸点东西

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我一般都这样

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或者好好欣赏一下这个美妙的城市

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去观光

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我超级想去看现代美术馆的一个展览

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是关于办公室座椅设计的

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噢

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听着 我知道按规矩我不能插手

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但是规则就是用来被打破的

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规则是用来被遵守的

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没有啥是用来被打破的

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呃 糖果彩罐

201
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- 荧光棒  - 跆拳道板

202
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用小锅煮的意大利面

203
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规矩

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听着 有人在给我捣鬼

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我以为你们会帮助我

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我们帮你

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不过说真的  你不能和我们一起来

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好吧

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好 我懂了

210
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规矩就是规矩

211
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我去那个现代美术馆的

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办公室座椅展览看看

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Rosa Amy

214
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你们来这里干什么

215
00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:10,990
来做我们没有被停的工作

216
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你不应该参与调查

217
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:14,000
我没有 我在观光呢

218
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是Amy提议的呢

219
00:06:15,430 --> 00:06:16,830
在布鲁克林尿血分析实验室吗

220
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对啊 网上说

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这是纽约最顶级的

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尿检实验室

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来张好玩的旅行自拍

224
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叮 不够完美

225
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不过 你们去问问题的时候

226
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我要步行游览一下这里

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还有 我在这里等了20分钟了

228
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你们去哪了

229
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我们得去找你说可能会谋害你的

230
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78个人的地址

231
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这样哦

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那你们中途还有耽搁吗

233
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我们去买了咖啡

234
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这些是卡布奇诺咖啡

235
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你知道给里面的牛奶打泡要花多长时间吗

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这些时间本应花在破我的案子上的

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但大概对于你们来说奶泡比朋友重要吧

238
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:45,860
无论如何 咱们开始吧

239
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:46,960
Jake

240
00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:48,470
我不敢相信我下面要说的话

241
00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:51,130
其实我真心希望你能跟我们一起来观察尿液的

242
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:52,300
但你不行

243
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:53,870
你被停职了 回家吧

244
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:54,870
好吧

245
00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:55,730
如果你们不帮我

246
00:06:55,730 --> 00:06:58,480
我就自己洗脱罪名(自己撸射)

247
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,510
要联系上下文啊

248
00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:00,880
这句话联系上下文非常重要

249
00:07:00,910 --> 00:07:01,910
我能理解希腊酸奶

250
00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:03,150
因为里面有文化底蕴

251
00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:04,550
不过冰岛嘛

252
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:07,380
不 不 不好了

253
00:07:07,390 --> 00:07:09,020
嘿 Gina

254
00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,190
你们俩在聊什么呢 酸奶吗 我也是

255
00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:12,420
咱们继续讨论这个吧

256
00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:13,520
哎

257
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,630
我喘不上气了

258
00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:16,980
缓缓 我就是过来交一些文件

259
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,560
太好了 现在我们去你的桌子那里

260
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,360
聊一聊交的怎么样了吧

261
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,770
好的 Terry

262
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:23,400
但首先我要问下警监

263
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,600
对于我表演的看法

264
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,650
有啥反馈吗 还是只是爱死了

265
00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:30,310
其实吧

266
00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,180
我觉得非常精彩

267
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:34,810
你就像一只读过茱莉亚大学的天鹅

268
00:07:34,810 --> 00:07:37,010
超级棒

269
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:39,580
Terry 我听过你的表扬啦

270
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,960
我现在明显在另一个水塘里钓鱼啊

271
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:43,340
我来作个了结吧

272
00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:44,490
Jeffords警长和我

273
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:47,760
没有去观看你昨天的演出

274
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,460
噢

275
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:51,560
但你的评价怎么那么精准

276
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,430
Terry有着娴熟的撒谎技巧

277
00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:55,310
我很抱歉我们没能去看

278
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:58,070
我知道舞蹈是你很在意的爱好

279
00:07:58,070 --> 00:07:59,370
爱好

280
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:00,980
你觉得我的舞蹈只是一个爱好吗

281
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:01,940
是的啊

282
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,010
像我和我收藏的古董地球仪

283
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:07,080
虽然很刺激 但又不挣钱

284
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,380
所以只是一个爱好

285
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:09,450
我挣的啊

286
00:08:09,450 --> 00:08:11,150
挣掌声

287
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:12,910
但挣不到你的掌声

288
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,370
我知道保持正直很不容易

289
00:08:18,390 --> 00:08:19,820
但长期来说

290
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,690
说实话对所有人来说都更好

291
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,330
大家注意了

292
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:29,970
你们听到的这个悲凉的声音是我在粉碎我的塑身短裤的声音

293
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:32,540
Gina Linetti以后都不再跳舞了

294
00:08:35,270 --> 00:08:37,040
那些威胁电话

295
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,910
是给Tim Orsk打的

296
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:40,310
他在Tim O豪华轿车公司工作

297
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:41,610
有意思

298
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:44,110
这个叫Orsk的人在案子里出现了很多次

299
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:45,720
因为他是受害者啊

300
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,350
他是那个窗户被

301
00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:49,720
这块石头砸碎的人

302
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:50,720
好不

303
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,410
他被敲诈了一万美金

304
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:54,700
好 可是他们想要什么呢

305
00:08:54,730 --> 00:08:56,160
一万美金啊

306
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,690
我刚刚才说

307
00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:00,650
我们在寻找敲诈者

308
00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:02,800
等等 我有个推论

309
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,300
我觉得"豪华轿车"和"杂志"

310
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:06,640
是从一个词衍生出来的

311
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:08,040
集中注意力好吗

312
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,470
不好意思我爆发了

313
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:10,470
我访问了一下Orsk

314
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:11,880
Orsk 这个名字又出现了

315
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,280
天啊 你们太没用了

316
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,680
你们完全没有帮上任何忙

317
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,910
你们毫无疑问是我见过

318
00:09:16,910 --> 00:09:18,320
最无能的警探了

319
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,180
甚至比不上那条每次出警

320
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,680
都狂蹭炸弹的防暴犬

321
00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:26,090
你的转弯灯已经亮了30秒了

322
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,020
我喜欢宣告我转弯的意图

323
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,570
这又不是赛车比赛

324
00:09:29,590 --> 00:09:32,030
反正当你一个小时之后终于转车道了

325
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,430
我们应该去找一下Jake的房东

326
00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:34,630
问一下有没有停过电

327
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,460
什么

328
00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,450
干嘛打我

329
00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:39,500
我只是溜进你们的车

330
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,040
没有预警地突然出现而已

331
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,120
这样不厚道耶

332
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:43,340
你特么在干什么

333
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:45,280
我以为我是搭个去Rikers岛监狱的顺风车

334
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,110
去采访一下我以前抓过的犯人

335
00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:49,510
但很明显你们还把时间浪费在调查我上

336
00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:52,380
我们要去查你有没有被断电是你的错好吗

337
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,720
你在一个插线板上插了三个迷你冰箱

338
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,970
因为三个迷你冰箱比一个普通冰箱要便宜啊

339
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,320
我们只是在执行公务而已

340
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,320
为什么不相信我们

341
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,320
我怎么相信你们

342
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,240
你们都不知道有人

343
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,590
悄悄地躺在你们的车后座上

344
00:10:02,590 --> 00:10:04,930
还有 在你们俩忙着叨逼叨浪费时间的时候

345
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,500
我不太会用这个词组

346
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,870
我在忙着调查 我会给你们发自拍的

347
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,270
听着 我们会调查到你给的名单的

348
00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:12,040
只是我们得先排除其他可能性

349
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,400
因为真的有可能

350
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:14,900
没人想陷害你

351
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:16,440
是啊 可是我告诉你们确实有

352
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,410
这就足够了

353
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,040
我们告诉你要相信我们

354
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,080
这也足够了吧

355
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:21,380
好吧好吧 你们不要我的帮助是吧

356
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:22,340
我就不帮了

357
00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:23,500
喂

358
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,120
而且我要把你俩的号码从我手机里删除

359
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,290
就让我们俩送你回家吧

360
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,790
再也不见

361
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:30,920
好吧

362
00:10:35,190 --> 00:10:36,520
这是哪儿啊

363
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,000
你好 Peralta

364
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:50,740
Geoffrey Hoytsman

365
00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:52,650
你就是那个陷害我的人

366
00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:56,380
我只是要像你毁了我的人生一样毁掉你的

367
00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:57,880
你不该抓我的

368
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,920
但我基本上把你吸毒的控诉撤了啊

369
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,090
你只需要做40小时的社区服务就行了

370
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,730
是啊 但我想一次性完成任务

371
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,760
为了补充能量 我吸了超多的可卡因和冰毒

372
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,960
精神不正常了好长一段时间

373
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,030
包括攻击他人 公共场合性行为

374
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:13,970
还有 据说 用我的睾丸

375
00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:15,900
去蹭犹太教堂里的每个门把手

376
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,100
你知道之后发生了什么吗

377
00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:18,410
他们彻底清洁了整个教堂

378
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:19,210
你脚踏实地

379
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,050
去追随你卖冰淇淋的梦想了吗

380
00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:22,250
一个都不对

381
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:25,310
我丢了工作 老婆走了 房子也没了

382
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,810
一个以前的客户把这个货车借给了我

383
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,050
我帮他打赢了个掐完乱砍的案子

384
00:11:28,050 --> 00:11:29,250
所以他很喜欢我

385
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,820
这种事你还起了个专有名词啊

386
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:33,220
我以前起的啊 在我还是个很棒的律师的时候

387
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,520
现在我只是又一个住在冰淇淋卡车里的傻逼

388
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,520
所以你在我的尿液里加毒品

389
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,490
不 那是我的尿液

390
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,130
你的尿液在那里

391
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,600
你为什么留着我的尿啊

392
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:44,300
我需要随身物品啊 Jake

393
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,400
这样才像一个正常人

394
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,300
这不是一个好主意 Hoytsman

395
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,500
会有人注意到我消失了的

396
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:51,510
看见了吗 已经有人来找我了

397
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,670
你有麻烦啦 兄弟

398
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,110
只是你的大麦克比萨餐厅的优惠券今天过期而已

399
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,250
你特么没错

400
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,680
如果今天我不花掉

401
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,010
大麦克会起疑心的

402
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,580
大麦克只是一个

403
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,520
用比萨作眼睛的卡通人物而已

404
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:06,890
好吧

405
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,020
也许他不会起疑心 但别人会的

406
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:10,720
闭嘴 Peralta

407
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,130
噢 我去

408
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,090
Holt警监

409
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,860
这是你的数据报告

410
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,600
我以后都这样行动了

411
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,400
走路跟跳舞太过相似

412
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,040
而我的人生不会再有舞蹈了

413
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,640
还有 我希望我的腿部肌肉会萎缩

414
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,870
这样我就不会试着再用它们了

415
00:12:33,550 --> 00:12:36,520
把她的舞蹈称作爱好感觉不错吧

416
00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:39,020
讽刺 是懦弱者的谎言

417
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,190
我不明白

418
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:41,860
Gina总是很有自信的

419
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,060
她一般都不在乎

420
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,420
别人怎么说她 怎么想她

421
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,730
可能不在乎大多数人吧 警监

422
00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:48,160
但她在乎你的看法

423
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,800
好吧 我后悔我说过的话了

424
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,230
但现在我不知道该怎样纠正错误

425
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,640
撒谎啊

426
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,640
昨天我告诉双胞胎

427
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,440
她们肚子里有小兔兔

428
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,870
就为了骗她们吃莴苣

429
00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:03,180
她们信你了

430
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,450
是啊 但然后她们就不肯喝牛奶了

431
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,310
说是害怕把小兔兔淹死

432
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,050
所以我又买了几只兔子 告诉她们

433
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,290
小兔兔在她们睡觉的时候从她们嘴里跳出来了

434
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,520
我不知道你想表达什么

435
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,660
她们吃了莴苣

436
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,790
我家里现在有两只兔子

437
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,360
撒谎大法好

438
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,400
这个口塞很棒吧

439
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,070
一个妓女教我做的

440
00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:28,570
呕 你去哪了

441
00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:30,140
你离开了三个小时

442
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:32,970
因为我唱了143遍

443
00:13:33,010 --> 00:13:35,640
我去美术用品商店买了几样东西

444
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,710
绑架大部分得自己动手

445
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:40,180
Jake 你要帮我让人生回到正轨

446
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,780
我需要你在录像里承认

447
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,980
所有的事情都是你陷害我的

448
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,420
你凭什么让我这么做

449
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,790
因为我现在嗑浴盐嗑嗨了

450
00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:47,820
情绪极度不稳定

451
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,120
而且手上还拿着把枪指着你

452
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,560
咱们来拍电影吧

453
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:53,060
嗨 Boyle

454
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:54,960
猜猜谁逮到了Tim O豪车敲诈案的嫌犯

455
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,630
Jake吗

456
00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:57,630
Jake回来了吗

457
00:13:57,630 --> 00:13:58,230
不 是我们

458
00:13:58,230 --> 00:13:59,800
Scully和Hitchcock

459
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,740
认罪书

460
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:02,740
你说我们没用

461
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,270
说我们无能

462
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:05,770
说我们没种

463
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:06,940
我没说过这句

464
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,140
好吧 昨晚有个人对我说过

465
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,510
噢 肯定是我的老婆

466
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:12,950
你们是怎么解决这个案子的

467
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,510
我们又听了一遍语音

468
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,550
注意到背景里有鹦鹉的叫声

469
00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:18,350
列了一个雇员名单

470
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:20,520
挨家挨户问邻居有没有谁养了鸟

471
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,520
最终找到一个养鸟的 然后你猜怎么着

472
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,490
他住的地方门前的花园全是这种石头

473
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:29,200
和砸进窗户的石头一模一样

474
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,300
简直不敢相信

475
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,770
什么 你觉得这个石头砸不破玻璃吗

476
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:32,770
看着

477
00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:36,800
我是说我不敢相信你们破了这个案子

478
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,240
这点你也看错了

479
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:44,340
嗨 我是Jake Peralta

480
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,810
接下来是我的认罪声明

481
00:14:45,850 --> 00:14:49,580
我破坏了一个美国英雄 Geoffrey Hoytsman的名誉

482
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,820
我陷害他携带毒品

483
00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:55,160
还害他失去工作

484
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,790
并且栽赃嫁祸他的睾丸纹

485
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:58,720
到犹太教堂的门把手上

486
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,960
很好 还有八项罪名就结束了

487
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,130
你真是个淘气的小伙子啊

488
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,030
我威胁Hoytsman先生 如果他不

489
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,800
"在他爹葬礼上抠门"

490
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,370
我就打爆他的头

491
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,370
在他睡觉的时候

492
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,210
我登进Hoytsman先生的电脑

493
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,610
下载了泰国色情片

494
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:17,680
开始哭泣

495
00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:19,450
"开始哭泣"是一个表演提示

496
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:20,660
你个傻子

497
00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:24,150
而且我和Hoytsman家的清洁女工生了两个小孩

498
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,920
还假扮成Geoffrey

499
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,650
在她寻求政治庇护的听证会上提出反对

500
00:15:28,690 --> 00:15:29,760
天哪

501
00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,140
是你干的 不是我

502
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:35,260
我对一位高尚的绅士做了很多坏事

503
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,060
我是一个丧尽天良的人

504
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,900
所以我决定结束自己的生命

505
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,340
等等 不 我没决定自杀啊

506
00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:43,570
不小心剧透啦

507
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,540
决定结束自己的生命

508
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,300
最后这段听起来不错

509
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,610
你把我写的台词表演的淋漓尽致

510
00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:53,110
早知道我就多写一点了

511
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:54,110
真是过瘾

512
00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:56,080
Hoytsman 你没必要这么做

513
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,310
你过得不是很糟啊

514
00:15:57,310 --> 00:15:59,310
住在一个冰淇淋车里 从不洗澡

515
00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:00,780
简直是我的儿时梦想啊

516
00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:02,180
我曾拥有一切

517
00:16:02,180 --> 00:16:05,790
我有朋友 有妻子 有两个可爱的孩子

518
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:06,890
和一个不太可爱的

519
00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,020
概率蛮高了

520
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,190
现在我一无所有

521
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:10,190
孤家寡人

522
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:11,290
听着 我懂

523
00:16:11,290 --> 00:16:12,760
我知道那种感觉

524
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,600
你才在冰淇淋车里待了一天不到

525
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,200
你怎么可能懂我

526
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,330
我知道没人会来救我

527
00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:21,640
我太专注于拯救我自己和我的名声

528
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:22,970
把我的朋友都逼走了

529
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:25,610
哇

530
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,680
听起来你的人生也有转折

531
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,980
你应该马上行动起来

532
00:16:29,010 --> 00:16:31,510
你还有时间去改正

533
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:32,980
真的吗 你不打算杀我了

534
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,080
噢 老天

535
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,080
我完全忘了

536
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,590
谢谢提醒啊 我当然是要杀你的

537
00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:40,090
嗑药之后我总说一些蠢话

538
00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:41,590
毒品真是蠢

539
00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:43,990
喔 我现在就准备吸一点

540
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:45,790
- Hoytsman  - 什么

541
00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:46,790
- 呀  - 噢

542
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,800
天哪 你撞我的鼻子

543
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,230
我的鼻子是要用来吸毒的

544
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,330
- 呀  - 噢

545
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,970
再见了 Hoytsman

546
00:16:55,970 --> 00:16:57,900
哈呀

547
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,010
我动不了

548
00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:01,440
我像一个没法翻身的乌龟

549
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,410
干得不错 Jake

550
00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:04,450
起来

551
00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:05,580
我起不来

552
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,080
噢

553
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,350
对噢 怪我

554
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:11,620
这是什么

555
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:15,590
我要卖掉我的烟雾机 礼花筒和响板

556
00:17:15,590 --> 00:17:16,960
这些东西本来承载了我的灵魂

557
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,730
但是它们已经和我的塑身短裤一样粉碎了

558
00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:21,460
Gina 我要告诉你一些事

559
00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:24,200
对你来说 跳舞不只是一个爱好

560
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,530
而是一个专业

561
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,430
噢 所以你现在和Terry一样开始撒谎了

562
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,740
不 我才不是买兔子的懦夫

563
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,670
你是一个专业的舞者

564
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:34,110
因为我付钱雇了"舞动里根"

565
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:37,610
在我们的贫困儿童项目上表演两支舞蹈

566
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,780
恭喜你

567
00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:41,950
谢谢你 警监

568
00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:43,720
你让我变成了全世界最幸福

569
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,250
最漂亮 最有天赋的女孩

570
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:47,590
这是你花的最棒的八千刀了

571
00:17:47,590 --> 00:17:49,020
这是两百刀

572
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,120
剩下的钱你肯定也愿意付的

573
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,360
警监爱我的舞蹈

574
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,040
这就是你孤独的原因 Jake

575
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,400
我们本来在交心

576
00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:04,440
谈论彼此的痛苦

577
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,310
然后你突然来这么一出

578
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:07,440
你要杀了我

579
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,080
转移话题

580
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,550
所以每个人都恨你

581
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:12,750
有人吗

582
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,750
好了 你给我乖乖闭嘴

583
00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:16,280
我需要这笔生意

584
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:21,220
你好 女 哇噢

585
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,320
别伤害我

586
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,290
我是别人的小宝贝

587
00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:26,990
Geoffrey Hoytsman 你被逮捕了

588
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,130
嗷

589
00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:31,630
噢 还好你们找到我了

590
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:32,830
等等 你们是怎么找到我的

591
00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:34,400
你有差不多五个小时

592
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,400
没来烦我们了

593
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,600
我们就知道有什么不对劲

594
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:37,970
噢 有点侮辱人

595
00:18:37,970 --> 00:18:39,410
不过很明智

596
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,710
我们看了那些你发来的神经自拍

597
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,180
其中三张的背景里

598
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,280
都出现了这辆冰淇淋车

599
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,180
我们洗出照片 发了通缉令

600
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:48,120
很抱歉我们之前怀疑没人陷害你

601
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,720
不 应该道歉的是我才对

602
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,390
出于某种原因 我不相信

603
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:52,590
你们可以真的帮到我

604
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:53,890
我不知道为什么

605
00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:56,320
也许因为我爸爸抛弃了我

606
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,660
可能是需要去看心理医生的问题

607
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:02,300
不过谁能每两个星期空出一个小时呢 是吧

608
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,300
总之

609
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:04,860
我很抱歉我之前像个混蛋一样

610
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,170
哇 Jake 你戒了可卡因之后整个人都变得很真诚呢

611
00:19:07,170 --> 00:19:09,040
还有冰毒 那可是很难戒的

612
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,240
不 最难戒的是天使粉

613
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,710
所以我一辈子都没法摆脱它

614
00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:16,910
嗨

615
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,150
我检查了一遍你们的证据

616
00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:19,150
完全没错

617
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:21,250
我得说

618
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:22,680
你们俩是很好的警察

619
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,550
当然 还用你说

620
00:19:24,550 --> 00:19:26,520
要不我们怎么会是这里待得最久的人

621
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,620
因为从没升过职

622
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:29,320
而且在离婚官司里花光了所有的钱

623
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,690
还有那些烂发明

624
00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:33,090
总之 我很抱歉之前说你们没用

625
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,000
我要告诉所有人 你们干得很漂亮

626
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,230
- Boyle 拜托不用了  - 不用吗

627
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:37,630
我们最不想的就是

628
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:39,200
忽然变成人气警探

629
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,230
万众瞩目

630
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,240
警界金童

631
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,600
猛男兄弟

632
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,170
现在没人这么称呼警探了

633
00:19:44,170 --> 00:19:45,510
以前他们会这么叫吗

634
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,740
那些调查刑侦的事太烦人了

635
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:50,010
而且 我们在七八十年代贡献了自己的青春

636
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:52,910
现在更想要在舒服的椅子里做一些文书工作

637
00:19:52,910 --> 00:19:54,550
如果我们离开办公桌很久的话

638
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:58,090
他们就会更新我们的电脑 就没"扫雷"玩了

639
00:19:58,090 --> 00:19:59,720
所以拜托 不要告诉任何人

640
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,720
我们今天干了这么不可思议的活儿

641
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,290
我没说"不可思议"啊

642
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,190
你们就是在做自己的工作而已

643
00:20:05,190 --> 00:20:07,030
对 就这样

644
00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:07,750
不 说真的

645
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:09,260
你们还打破了一扇窗户

646
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:10,530
就是这样

647
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,240
你的停职被撤销了 Peralta

648
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,740
真是个好消息 警监

649
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,470
现在到了经典的

650
00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:22,210
把枪和警徽还给无辜英雄的仪式了

651
00:20:22,210 --> 00:20:23,380
所有人进来

652
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,010
你的枪和警徽不在我这里

653
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:28,520
自己拿着891_J表格去设备室

654
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,080
把东西领回去吧

655
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:31,820
抱歉 我无法接受

656
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,350
拜托了 警监 我需要这个

657
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:34,180
我们都需要这一幕

658
00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:37,960
好吧 好吧

659
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,790
如果能让你们开心的话

660
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,470
我相信这是属于你的

661
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:45,630
恭喜

662
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,570
很好 谢谢你

663
00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:51,870
但是如我之前所说 体制太腐败了

664
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:53,070
这还远没有结束

665
00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:55,320
同伴们 一起向市政厅前进

666
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,810
滚出我的办公室

667
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:57,060
好的