1 00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:03,398 (CHIMING) 2 00:00:04,207 --> 00:00:05,640 Here we go. 3 00:00:05,727 --> 00:00:07,081 That's six windows. 4 00:00:07,167 --> 00:00:10,717 White, Never-Paint Weather beater, work to begin Monday week. 5 00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:13,764 I don't know, Steven. 6 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:17,244 Perhaps we should go for the aluminium after all. 7 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,479 What was the price difference again? 8 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:23,844 Look, Mr Wyatt, I'll leave these brochures with you, 9 00:00:24,727 --> 00:00:26,001 and I'll come back next week. 10 00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:28,647 No! We'll have the Never-Paint Weather beater. 11 00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:30,763 Mrs Wyatt, I've got to go. 12 00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:33,197 -The aluminium then! -I'll pop in next week. 13 00:00:33,287 --> 00:00:36,484 -I'll just go find a pen. -Look, I've got to go! 14 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,436 But... 15 00:01:20,967 --> 00:01:22,719 Where are you going? 16 00:01:22,847 --> 00:01:24,167 I've made supper. 17 00:01:30,287 --> 00:01:31,356 (CARS HONKING) 18 00:01:41,527 --> 00:01:46,078 Well, Kathleen. Looks like you might get your chance sooner than you think. 19 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,761 EDDIE: Good evening, bed boppers. 20 00:02:08,847 --> 00:02:14,046 # Hospital Radio Radio Glasgow town # 21 00:02:14,127 --> 00:02:15,765 Now, last week I asked you to let me know 22 00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:17,280 if you wanted to hear more '50s music, 23 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:19,961 more '60s music, or more '70s music. 24 00:02:20,047 --> 00:02:23,278 And after reading through a total of one reply, 25 00:02:23,367 --> 00:02:24,800 the answer is... 26 00:02:24,887 --> 00:02:27,526 (FANFARE PLAYING) 27 00:02:27,607 --> 00:02:30,121 "I hope you break your leg and get gangrene". 28 00:02:30,207 --> 00:02:31,322 (RAZZING SOUND EFFECT) 29 00:02:31,607 --> 00:02:33,962 So, that leads us to next week's mail bag. 30 00:02:34,047 --> 00:02:36,197 Do you want me to break my leg, or just get gangrene? 31 00:02:36,287 --> 00:02:38,642 Or would you like me to break my leg, and get gangrene? 32 00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:42,356 Keep those cards and letters coming, bed boppers. 33 00:02:42,447 --> 00:02:46,281 (I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT DOWN AND WRITE MYSELF A LETTER PLAYING) 34 00:02:58,567 --> 00:02:59,602 (KNOCKING) 35 00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:02,240 Eddie, may I have a word, do you think? 36 00:03:02,327 --> 00:03:03,726 Aye. Come in. 37 00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:09,760 I have a wee problem and I was wondering if you could help me out. 38 00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:12,801 -You see, Kathleen... -Oh, the Rottweiler. 39 00:03:12,887 --> 00:03:16,004 Say no more. I told you we should get rid of her. 40 00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:19,682 You know, you've been with us a long time, Eddie. 41 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,916 -Seven years? -Eight. 42 00:03:21,007 --> 00:03:24,761 Eight. My point exactly. You're our most experienced DJ. 43 00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:28,799 It's a wonder that you've not gone professional by now. 44 00:03:28,887 --> 00:03:31,561 Well, I've not given it much thought. 45 00:03:31,647 --> 00:03:34,321 Well, it's just that Kathleen has been with us for a year now, 46 00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:36,364 and she's paid her dues. 47 00:03:37,407 --> 00:03:40,285 I just think it's time she had her own show. 48 00:03:41,327 --> 00:03:42,840 Oh, no. 49 00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:46,685 No. No chance. You're not getting me to train her. 50 00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:49,645 I'd sooner train Godzilla, who had better dress sense. 51 00:03:49,727 --> 00:03:51,320 And only actually ate food when he was hungry. 52 00:03:51,407 --> 00:03:54,160 Eddie, I've known you a long time, and you have to understand 53 00:03:54,247 --> 00:03:55,806 how difficult it is for me to say this. 54 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,320 Hey, have you dumped him yet or what? 55 00:03:57,407 --> 00:03:58,601 -Kathleen... -Because I just want to know, 56 00:03:58,687 --> 00:04:01,122 am I doing the show next week or not? 57 00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:13,005 -You're getting rid of me? -I'm sorry, Eddie. 58 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,405 You cannae give her a slot. 59 00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,957 We've got responsibility here, Mr Petrie. 60 00:04:18,047 --> 00:04:20,163 There's folk out there on life-support machines. 61 00:04:20,247 --> 00:04:22,522 You cannae make them listen to rap music. 62 00:04:22,607 --> 00:04:26,236 I have to give the ones going through a chance, Eddie. 63 00:04:27,607 --> 00:04:30,360 You can't take my show away from me. 64 00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,557 I don't know if you'd be interested, but I got a call from a Dr Winter, 65 00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:40,685 who's the new administrator at St Jude's hospital. 66 00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,326 Now they used to have a wee station there in the '70s, 67 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,763 and she's interested in trying to get it going again. 68 00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:48,800 They're looking for somebody to take it over. 69 00:04:49,687 --> 00:04:52,201 -Ah, if you're not interested... -No. 70 00:04:52,487 --> 00:04:54,205 No, I'm interested. 71 00:04:54,407 --> 00:04:56,364 I'll ring them tomorrow. 72 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,478 And he didnae dump me. 73 00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:10,996 -I've been promoted, if you must know. -Ooh. 74 00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:14,443 Taking over as Station Manager at St Jude's hospital. 75 00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:18,759 What's so funny about that? 76 00:05:18,847 --> 00:05:20,918 St Jude's is a loony bin. 77 00:05:21,007 --> 00:05:24,284 I'm sure you'll fit in there fine, Eddie! 78 00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,002 (DOOR OPENS) 79 00:05:50,247 --> 00:05:51,282 (DOOR CLOSES) 80 00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:54,399 Not without something in your stomach. 81 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:55,522 Grandma. 82 00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:57,598 I make you nice supper, but you don't eat. 83 00:05:57,687 --> 00:06:01,760 -I wasnae hungry. -Aye. But now you're thirsty, eh? Sit. 84 00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,638 How you drink this? 85 00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:13,844 I don't understand Scots boys. 86 00:06:13,927 --> 00:06:16,202 All night you drink, huff and huff, 87 00:06:16,287 --> 00:06:19,677 and speak loudly of your penises and vomit. 88 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,721 In Lithuania, all night boys drink vodka, 89 00:06:22,807 --> 00:06:24,923 and then fall down quietly. 90 00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:27,516 (SIGHS) 91 00:06:27,607 --> 00:06:29,245 What's wrong? You have long face. 92 00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:32,444 -Nothing. -Now, don't lie. God sees you. 93 00:06:32,647 --> 00:06:34,046 What's wrong? 94 00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:36,005 I've been sacked. 95 00:06:36,087 --> 00:06:38,522 Oh, Jesus, Mary, Joseph. 96 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,200 You only have job three weeks. 97 00:06:40,287 --> 00:06:42,881 No, not the sales job. Radio station. 98 00:06:43,407 --> 00:06:45,523 Oh, well. It's good. 99 00:06:46,127 --> 00:06:50,883 Maybe now you buy nice car, and go out to meet nice lassie. 100 00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:52,605 There's nothing wrong with my car. 101 00:06:52,687 --> 00:06:55,599 Eddie, brand new, this car was rubbish. 102 00:06:57,487 --> 00:07:01,526 Eddie. You are 38 years old and still not married. 103 00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:05,236 I promise your mother on deathbed that I see you marry. 104 00:07:05,327 --> 00:07:08,524 You want I die and burn forever in flames of hell? 105 00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:10,644 I just haven't found the right one. 106 00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:13,002 You think I find the right one? 107 00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:15,840 You think your mother find the right one? 108 00:07:16,247 --> 00:07:20,036 All blue eyes and itchy feet. We find misery. 109 00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:23,441 But God put us on this Earth to suffer. 110 00:07:24,007 --> 00:07:26,123 That's how He invent Stalin. 111 00:07:33,407 --> 00:07:34,761 (SIGHS) 112 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,164 EDDIE: "Dear Mr McKenna, 113 00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:52,360 "Thank you for sending us your demo tape. 114 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,116 "We have listened with interest. 115 00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:58,726 "But unfortunately, we do not feel... 116 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:04,565 "Regrettably, we do not feel..." 117 00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:57,445 Hello. I'm Eddie McKenna. I'm the new hospital radio DJ. 118 00:08:58,047 --> 00:09:00,322 They told me the station was down here somewhere. 119 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,476 Aye. 120 00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:03,036 What's that? 121 00:09:04,007 --> 00:09:05,520 That's just my records. 122 00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:08,758 -Have you got any Black Sabbath? -No. 123 00:09:08,847 --> 00:09:10,838 What about Postman Pat? 124 00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:14,276 Um. 125 00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:17,680 -You're a patient here? -I'm the nursing assistant. 126 00:09:18,327 --> 00:09:22,161 Any of this lot give you any trouble, you just ask for Stuart. 127 00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:25,562 -Right? -Right. 128 00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:29,687 I'll go and get the charge nurse for you, okay? 129 00:09:33,287 --> 00:09:35,278 (BYKER GROVE THEME ON TELEVISION) 130 00:09:47,527 --> 00:09:49,916 So, you must be the new DJ. 131 00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:52,806 -Hi. Eddie McKenna. -Campbell Bain. 132 00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:54,605 I suppose you want to have a look at your new station. 133 00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:56,644 Aye. They told me you'd be expecting me. 134 00:09:56,727 --> 00:09:58,320 I'll introduce you to all the loonies later on. 135 00:09:58,407 --> 00:09:59,636 They're watching Neighbours at the moment. 136 00:09:59,727 --> 00:10:01,126 It's the high point of the patients' day. 137 00:10:01,207 --> 00:10:02,879 And eating, I suppose. Two high points. 138 00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:04,958 Eating and watching Neighbours. And sleeping. 139 00:10:05,047 --> 00:10:06,082 Three high points. 140 00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:10,081 It's a wonder the patients aren't exhausted for all the excitement, eh? 141 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,566 Here we are. 142 00:10:17,647 --> 00:10:18,841 It's worse than I thought. 143 00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:21,965 In here, everything is worse than you thought. 144 00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:23,561 The albums have been arriving for weeks, 145 00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:26,400 but I don't think any of the donors were under 80 by the look of 'em. 146 00:10:26,487 --> 00:10:28,398 Even some 78s in there. 147 00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,121 Have you got the key? 148 00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:33,959 No, but we can try at the nurse's station. 149 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:36,357 It hasn't been used in years, you know. 150 00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:38,563 They tried to get it going again a couple of years ago. 151 00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:40,046 Rumour has it that the next morning 152 00:10:40,127 --> 00:10:42,846 122 patients told the shrinks they were hearing voices. 153 00:10:42,927 --> 00:10:43,962 (EDDIE LAUGHS) 154 00:10:44,047 --> 00:10:46,766 They prescribed about £6000 worth of major tranquillisers, 155 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,077 before they realised it was the hospital radio. 156 00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:51,044 So it had to be stopped. 157 00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:54,199 I don't believe it myself. I cannae believe 122 patients 158 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,198 could not be watching television at the same time. 159 00:10:56,287 --> 00:10:58,676 I've been looking for you, Campbell Bain. Where have you been? 160 00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:02,078 I've been showing Eddie McKenna here the radio station. He's the new DJ. 161 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,885 Well, you've missed the drug round. Now go and tell nurse 162 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,719 you need your drugs. 163 00:11:05,807 --> 00:11:09,118 She's always doing that. Always trying to get me to take drugs. 164 00:11:09,207 --> 00:11:11,243 Downers for when I'm up, uppers for when I'm down. 165 00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:13,443 If you did that on the outside, you'd be arrested, you know? 166 00:11:13,527 --> 00:11:14,960 Campbell. Go. 167 00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:23,358 -He's a patient? -Oh, yes. 168 00:11:24,047 --> 00:11:27,005 -So you're the new DJ. -Aye. 169 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,362 Think you'll get this thing going again? 170 00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,846 I'm going to try. 171 00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:37,043 Electricians were in yesterday to check it over. 172 00:11:37,127 --> 00:11:40,597 Mind you, all they can guarantee is it won't actually burn the place down. 173 00:11:40,687 --> 00:11:42,917 Come on. I'll get you the key. 174 00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:55,284 EDDIE: They all look pretty normal. 175 00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:58,723 What do you expect them to look like? The Beast of Borneo? 176 00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:01,640 So, how do they come to be in here? 177 00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:04,085 Things get on top of them. 178 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:06,203 One in four of us will suffer a mental health problem 179 00:12:06,287 --> 00:12:08,323 at some time in our lives. 180 00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,480 It's a tough world out there, you know. 181 00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:14,445 (SHOUTING GIBBERISH) 182 00:12:15,287 --> 00:12:18,006 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 183 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:22,237 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 184 00:12:23,607 --> 00:12:24,881 That's Nana, by the way. 185 00:12:24,967 --> 00:12:28,084 Now, she was picked up by the police a few weeks ago. 186 00:12:28,167 --> 00:12:30,761 Living rough, drinking cheap vodka, 187 00:12:30,847 --> 00:12:34,078 hailing all and sundry in a language only she understands. 188 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,839 She's not typical, though. 189 00:12:35,927 --> 00:12:38,999 She's just waiting for a bed on the continuing-care ward. 190 00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:41,317 Now, the only thing we know about her at the moment is 191 00:12:41,407 --> 00:12:43,079 she's very religious. 192 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:45,920 Doctors reckon she's speaking in tongues. 193 00:12:46,047 --> 00:12:47,799 Will she get better? 194 00:12:48,527 --> 00:12:53,123 After a few months in a long-stay ward, she won't be able to tie her shoelaces. 195 00:12:54,127 --> 00:12:55,765 Believe me, if you had to invent something 196 00:12:55,847 --> 00:12:58,646 that was guaranteed to drive people completely around the bend, 197 00:12:58,727 --> 00:13:00,240 you'd invent a mental hospital. 198 00:13:00,327 --> 00:13:02,966 (NANA SINGS EASTENDERS THEME) 199 00:13:03,047 --> 00:13:04,560 # Nana nana na na # 200 00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:07,400 Oh, she loves music, by the way. 201 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:10,126 She could be one of your first customers. 202 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:12,278 -Is that why she's called... -Nana. 203 00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:15,120 # Nana nana na na # 204 00:13:28,287 --> 00:13:31,438 Well, I suppose all the germs are dead by now. 205 00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,041 Well... 206 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,280 Where to start? 207 00:14:02,287 --> 00:14:04,756 Frankie Laine, Frank Sinatra, 208 00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,360 Frankie Vaughn. 209 00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:09,197 Any albums here not by an artist called Frank? 210 00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:11,596 Terrific. 211 00:14:14,127 --> 00:14:17,438 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 212 00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:18,517 No, not here. 213 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,245 (SINGS EASTENDERS THEME) 214 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,921 You're not supposed to be in here. 215 00:14:23,047 --> 00:14:24,116 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 216 00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:27,882 I have a definite feeling you are not supposed to be in here, okay? 217 00:14:32,367 --> 00:14:33,402 (SNIFFING) 218 00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:42,281 Oh, Nana. I cannae give you my whisky. 219 00:14:42,647 --> 00:14:46,197 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 220 00:14:50,447 --> 00:14:52,643 What would it do to you, huh? 221 00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:54,760 Make you go normal. 222 00:14:56,967 --> 00:14:58,196 Oh, no. 223 00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:06,366 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 224 00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:08,759 Whatever you said. 225 00:15:17,727 --> 00:15:19,684 Give me my wallet back. 226 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,356 (LAUGHING) 227 00:15:24,087 --> 00:15:26,476 There's no money in it, you know. 228 00:15:32,007 --> 00:15:33,884 It's my business cards. 229 00:15:34,527 --> 00:15:35,676 You see there? 230 00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:39,286 Edward McKenna. Sales Representative. 231 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,720 I sell windows. 232 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,521 You know. 233 00:15:46,807 --> 00:15:48,036 Windows. 234 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,522 (NANA KNOCKS ON TABLE) 235 00:15:55,887 --> 00:15:58,640 I wondered where that went. 236 00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:00,967 Haven't needed one of them in so long 237 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,039 you'll probably find it's merely a sheep's bladder. 238 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,082 Ah! 239 00:16:12,007 --> 00:16:14,760 That's my godson. That's my cousin's wee boy. 240 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:16,561 (LAUGHING) 241 00:16:16,647 --> 00:16:19,036 No. He's not mine. He's my cousin's. 242 00:16:21,207 --> 00:16:24,802 (SINGS EASTENDERS THEME) 243 00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:32,519 You're as mad as a hatter, Nana, you know that? 244 00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:34,564 Ah, Nana. Now... 245 00:16:34,647 --> 00:16:38,686 For a start-off, we do not listen to Val Doonican's "Greatest Hits". 246 00:16:38,767 --> 00:16:41,077 If you want to listen to some music, 247 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,965 here's where we look. 248 00:16:44,007 --> 00:16:46,999 Then we very carefully and respectfully 249 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,842 take the record out of its sleeve, 250 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:54,320 and very gently put it on the turntable, 251 00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:56,481 switch on the mixing desk. 252 00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:57,602 (STATIC BUZZING) 253 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,916 Nana! 254 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,557 Then we switch on the turntable. 255 00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:28,403 And this one's for you, Nana. 256 00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:33,883 (HEY JUDE PLAYING) 257 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,799 It actually works, Nana. 258 00:17:36,687 --> 00:17:39,361 (BOTH LAUGHING) 259 00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:42,680 It's a miracle. 260 00:17:47,847 --> 00:17:48,882 (BANGING) 261 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:49,957 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 262 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:54,245 Keep away from me! Keep away from me! 263 00:17:54,327 --> 00:17:55,760 Bastards! 264 00:17:57,527 --> 00:18:00,804 No! Get away from me! Get away from me! 265 00:18:00,887 --> 00:18:02,207 (SCREAMING) 266 00:18:21,807 --> 00:18:23,798 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 267 00:18:41,527 --> 00:18:42,926 (PHONE RINGING) 268 00:18:43,807 --> 00:18:46,367 Twinview. May I help you? 269 00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:48,199 One moment, please. 270 00:18:48,287 --> 00:18:49,925 McKenna. 271 00:18:50,527 --> 00:18:53,166 McKenna, come up, man. I've been meaning to have a blether. 272 00:18:53,247 --> 00:18:54,282 Well, I should be... 273 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,766 (CLEARING THROAT) 274 00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:00,519 Sit down. Sit down. 275 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,203 So, how's it going, hmm? 276 00:19:03,287 --> 00:19:05,119 How are you settling in? 277 00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:06,845 Not bad. Not bad. 278 00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:10,961 Mmm-hmm. Is this you just back from pounding the pavements, eh? 279 00:19:11,247 --> 00:19:13,443 The victor returning to Rome. 280 00:19:13,727 --> 00:19:17,242 Not exactly. But I did get two definite maybes. 281 00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:19,843 Well, now listen to me, son. 282 00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:22,487 Before I got this Sales Manager job, 283 00:19:22,887 --> 00:19:25,481 I was a rep, just like you. 284 00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:29,398 And do you know how I got to be where I am today? 285 00:19:29,887 --> 00:19:31,002 I don't know, Mr Griffin. 286 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,920 I never accepted a "maybe". 287 00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:36,801 And that's my advice to you, McKenna. 288 00:19:37,487 --> 00:19:40,559 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. 289 00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:43,397 And do you know what kind of dog you need to be? 290 00:19:43,487 --> 00:19:45,558 -No. -Go on. Guess. 291 00:19:45,647 --> 00:19:47,718 -I don't know. -Then guess. 292 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,758 -An Alsatian? -A terrier. 293 00:19:51,207 --> 00:19:53,084 Have you ever kept a terrier? 294 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,964 -No, sir. -Dreadful dogs. 295 00:19:55,047 --> 00:19:58,039 Never keep a terrier. That's my advice to you. 296 00:19:59,287 --> 00:20:02,598 And do you know why you should never keep a terrier? 297 00:20:02,807 --> 00:20:04,684 I don't know much about dogs. 298 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:08,920 They bite your ankles, McKenna. And they never let go. 299 00:20:09,727 --> 00:20:13,516 Oh, you can say "maybe, maybe, maybe" to a terrier all you like, 300 00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:15,837 but they never let go. 301 00:20:15,927 --> 00:20:18,646 A dog like that wants put down. 302 00:20:18,727 --> 00:20:20,684 But a salesman, hmm. 303 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,879 A salesman like that wants promoted. 304 00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,839 Do you know what I'm saying to you? 305 00:20:26,927 --> 00:20:28,201 I think so, Mr Griffin. 306 00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:29,277 Ah. 307 00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:33,722 Now, I have to tell you, there's been a complaint about you. 308 00:20:33,807 --> 00:20:35,479 -What? -Hmm. 309 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,082 It seems this couple in Queen's Park, the Wyatts, 310 00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:43,763 are saying that you steadfastly refused to sell them any windows. 311 00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:48,801 They said they were practically running down the road after you, 312 00:20:48,887 --> 00:20:52,198 pen in hand, begging you to sell them some windows. 313 00:20:52,727 --> 00:20:54,320 But you refused. 314 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,446 Aye, well... 315 00:20:58,047 --> 00:21:00,880 (LAUGHING) 316 00:21:09,047 --> 00:21:13,040 Now listen to me, McKenna. I've worked with the public all my life. 317 00:21:13,127 --> 00:21:16,517 And believe me, half of that lot out there are daft. 318 00:21:16,847 --> 00:21:19,122 And the other half are loonies. 319 00:21:19,287 --> 00:21:21,801 And do you know what the Wyatts are? 320 00:21:21,967 --> 00:21:24,925 -No. -Then, guess, son. Guess. 321 00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:27,441 Loonies? 322 00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:28,996 See? 323 00:21:29,487 --> 00:21:31,922 You're beginning to follow me now. 324 00:21:32,367 --> 00:21:34,961 But even loonies need double glazing. 325 00:21:35,847 --> 00:21:40,557 So I want you to go back there tonight and close that sale. All right? 326 00:21:40,647 --> 00:21:42,080 -Tonight's my night off. -Hmm? 327 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:44,727 -I mean, aye. -Good lad. 328 00:21:44,807 --> 00:21:48,561 Now away and bite their ankles, eh? Ruff, ruff. 329 00:21:53,327 --> 00:21:54,726 That's mine. 330 00:21:55,367 --> 00:21:57,164 Monthly sales report. 331 00:21:57,487 --> 00:22:00,479 (SUMMERTIME BLUES PLAYING) 332 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,999 (MAN SPEAKING ON TV) 333 00:22:25,327 --> 00:22:28,638 (SUMMERTIME BLUES PLAYING ON HOSPITAL RADIO) 334 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:44,205 Come here. 335 00:23:01,247 --> 00:23:06,640 That was Summertime Blues, and this is Ready Eddie McKenna. 336 00:23:06,727 --> 00:23:11,881 Ready to take you back in time with those golden, mouldin' oldies, 337 00:23:11,967 --> 00:23:14,720 on this our first broadcast on the all-new 338 00:23:14,807 --> 00:23:17,606 St Jude's Hospital Radio. 339 00:23:18,487 --> 00:23:21,604 I'm going to be coming at you through your ward and day room speakers 340 00:23:21,687 --> 00:23:26,044 every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday evenings, 7:00 pm to 9:00. 341 00:23:26,127 --> 00:23:29,597 So, let's get to know each other, eh? 342 00:23:30,087 --> 00:23:31,884 (TO KNOW HIM IS TO LOVE HIM PLAYING ON RADIO) 343 00:23:40,527 --> 00:23:42,324 (CHATTERING ON TV) 344 00:24:35,087 --> 00:24:38,079 (NANA SPEAKS GIBBERISH) 345 00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:40,636 Kamolindeya. 346 00:24:43,047 --> 00:24:46,437 I suppose I'll have to push my way through the fan to get out of here. 347 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:56,597 (LOUD SOBBING) 348 00:25:11,607 --> 00:25:13,598 CAMPBELL: # Sometimes I wonder What am I gonna do? 349 00:25:13,687 --> 00:25:17,157 # 'Cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues # 350 00:25:20,927 --> 00:25:22,281 So you listened? 351 00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:23,561 Aye, it was brilliant! 352 00:25:23,647 --> 00:25:27,720 Sort of like a Levi's, Wrigley's, Pepsi and Irn-Bru advert all rolled into one. 353 00:25:27,807 --> 00:25:30,321 # Young girl, get out of my mind # 354 00:25:30,407 --> 00:25:32,204 # You never close your eyes # 355 00:25:32,287 --> 00:25:35,245 # Fame! # # You ain't nothing but a hound dog # 356 00:25:36,407 --> 00:25:37,886 Did anyone else listen? 357 00:25:37,967 --> 00:25:39,036 Well, I don't think so. 358 00:25:39,127 --> 00:25:42,199 Unless you count Agnes. A nurse sat her next to one of the speakers. 359 00:25:42,287 --> 00:25:43,277 But see, she's catatonic, 360 00:25:43,367 --> 00:25:46,678 so it was difficult to know whether she was actually listening. 361 00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:50,601 You picked a bad time though. Tuesday at 7:00, is Emmerdale. 362 00:25:50,847 --> 00:25:53,122 And the patients are very fond of Emmerdale. 363 00:25:53,207 --> 00:25:56,119 -So I should have started at 7:30? -They'd miss EastEnders. 364 00:25:56,207 --> 00:25:58,596 -8:00? -Nae chance. The Bill. 365 00:25:58,687 --> 00:26:02,999 Television's not just a simple diversion here. It's more a way of life. 366 00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:08,201 You're not gonna pack it in, are you? 367 00:26:09,047 --> 00:26:12,324 -What do you think? -But this station has potential, Eddie. 368 00:26:12,407 --> 00:26:14,876 It could be big. It could be very big! 369 00:26:14,967 --> 00:26:18,084 Campbell, I have spent the entire evening alone, 370 00:26:18,167 --> 00:26:21,762 surrounded by 200 scratched, pre-coronation records, 371 00:26:21,847 --> 00:26:25,203 broadcasting on equipment that should be in a museum to one person, 372 00:26:25,287 --> 00:26:28,677 down speakers that make me sound like my head's in a bucket. 373 00:26:28,807 --> 00:26:32,118 Well, okay, I admit. It's a slow start. 374 00:26:32,447 --> 00:26:34,563 But... Hang on. You're not boring me or that, 375 00:26:34,647 --> 00:26:36,479 but I've just seen a friend of mine flying past the window. 376 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:37,796 Fergus! 377 00:26:37,887 --> 00:26:40,083 What're you doing? You're gonna hurt yourself. 378 00:26:40,167 --> 00:26:42,317 -Shall I get a nurse? -Fergus! 379 00:26:42,727 --> 00:26:45,560 -You're gonna miss your cocoa, you know! -I know. 380 00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:48,446 -Well, can I have it then? -Help yourself. 381 00:26:49,647 --> 00:26:51,763 -He's escaping. -Yeah. 382 00:26:52,247 --> 00:26:54,807 He'll be knocking on the door in an hour or so. He always does. 383 00:26:54,887 --> 00:26:56,719 Annoys the hell out of the staff. 384 00:26:58,287 --> 00:27:00,358 Anyway, Eddie, the only thing we have to do 385 00:27:00,447 --> 00:27:03,007 is find a way of getting that lot away from the television. 386 00:27:03,087 --> 00:27:04,281 How? 387 00:27:04,367 --> 00:27:06,961 Well, a student nurse once accidentally gave everyone in the ward 388 00:27:07,047 --> 00:27:08,799 an overdose of laxative. 389 00:27:08,887 --> 00:27:11,276 Believe me, nobody was watching TV that night. 390 00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:14,359 Campbell, you cannae give the whole hospital a laxative. 391 00:27:14,447 --> 00:27:17,724 Yeah, you're right. Where would I get hold of all that laxative? 392 00:27:17,807 --> 00:27:19,036 What about a request show? 393 00:27:19,127 --> 00:27:20,845 I've already thought of that. I haven't enough records. 394 00:27:20,927 --> 00:27:23,043 -So? -So? 395 00:27:23,367 --> 00:27:25,881 When folk request something, they usually like to be able to play it. 396 00:27:25,967 --> 00:27:27,287 We just make them keep requesting 397 00:27:27,367 --> 00:27:29,642 until they hit on something we actually have. 398 00:27:29,727 --> 00:27:32,002 If you can guess a record that we actually have in our library, 399 00:27:32,087 --> 00:27:34,396 then we will play it for you with a special dedication. 400 00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:35,841 -Who could resist? -It'll never work. 401 00:27:35,927 --> 00:27:37,076 We'll need some jingles. 402 00:27:37,167 --> 00:27:39,522 # Hospital radio, St Jude's # 403 00:27:39,607 --> 00:27:42,326 -That sort of thing. -You need singers to record jingles. 404 00:27:42,407 --> 00:27:45,046 And what exactly is sitting here before you? 405 00:27:45,127 --> 00:27:47,846 -A lunatic! -I'm a singing lunatic. 406 00:27:48,327 --> 00:27:51,046 We could record them in the station, aye? 407 00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:53,801 -Aye... -Brilliant! Now give me the key. 408 00:27:53,887 --> 00:27:55,958 -What key? -To the station. 409 00:27:56,047 --> 00:27:57,196 Look, I've gotta start. 410 00:27:57,287 --> 00:28:00,120 Writing the jingles, rehearsing the singers, cataloguing the albums. 411 00:28:00,207 --> 00:28:02,846 Campbell, how exactly are you in here? 412 00:28:03,847 --> 00:28:05,246 Can you not guess? 413 00:28:05,327 --> 00:28:06,317 I'm manic. 414 00:28:06,647 --> 00:28:10,401 But don't worry. The drugs I take make me completely stable. 415 00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:12,803 Except for headaches, of course. 416 00:28:12,887 --> 00:28:16,641 I get these headaches. It just comes over me and I cannae... 417 00:28:17,047 --> 00:28:20,756 Ah, the bells! The bells! 418 00:28:21,807 --> 00:28:24,276 -And I want my own show, by the way. -What? 419 00:28:24,367 --> 00:28:26,438 Well, after all this work, I think it's only fair, don't you? 420 00:28:26,527 --> 00:28:29,087 Campbell, I cannae just give you your own show. 421 00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:32,523 -You need training on the equipment. -So? Train me. 422 00:28:33,167 --> 00:28:34,964 I'll take Friday nights. 423 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,719 Will that not clash with Brookside? 424 00:28:39,047 --> 00:28:42,324 Rosalie, the doctor said you're not a window cleaner. 425 00:28:42,407 --> 00:28:44,682 But these windows are filthy, so they are. 426 00:28:44,807 --> 00:28:46,320 Give in yet? 427 00:28:46,407 --> 00:28:48,796 Um, might just take off. 428 00:28:49,207 --> 00:28:51,960 I'm gonna train Campbell Bain as a DJ. We're gonna get a request show going. 429 00:28:52,047 --> 00:28:55,085 Get the patients involved. If that's okay with the staff. 430 00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:56,885 The philosophy here is to encourage patients 431 00:28:56,967 --> 00:29:00,164 to use their own initiative and be self motivated. 432 00:29:00,687 --> 00:29:03,201 -So they will not mind? -They'll hate it. 433 00:29:03,287 --> 00:29:05,358 (NANA SINGING NEIGHBOURS THEME) 434 00:29:06,327 --> 00:29:08,318 Listen, I know it's none of my business or that, 435 00:29:08,407 --> 00:29:12,321 but I couldnae help but notice that's a Miraculous Medal around Nana's neck. 436 00:29:14,527 --> 00:29:16,723 -So? -So, it means she's a Catholic. 437 00:29:16,807 --> 00:29:19,640 Catholics don't speak in tongues, you see. 438 00:29:20,247 --> 00:29:22,477 Maybe nobody's told Nana that. 439 00:29:26,607 --> 00:29:28,279 Hang in there, pet. 440 00:29:42,687 --> 00:29:46,521 Ladies and gentlemen, I have an important announcement to make! 441 00:29:46,607 --> 00:29:48,723 Campbell, you're in the way! 442 00:29:48,807 --> 00:29:50,127 It will only take a moment. 443 00:29:50,207 --> 00:29:51,879 We're trying to watch Miss Marple. 444 00:29:51,967 --> 00:29:53,446 Look, I'll only take 10 seconds. 445 00:29:53,527 --> 00:29:55,643 Move, afore I move you mysel'. 446 00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:57,524 Ten seconds. That's all I ask. 447 00:29:57,607 --> 00:30:01,077 Give him 10 seconds, and then maybe he'll shut up. 448 00:30:01,167 --> 00:30:04,000 I just wanted to announce that the woman Miss McGillicuddy saw 449 00:30:04,087 --> 00:30:07,762 being strangled on the train was in fact Martine Perrot, 450 00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:10,725 legal but estranged wife of Dr Quimper, 451 00:30:10,807 --> 00:30:14,163 who murdered her in order to be free to marry Emma Crackenthorpe, 452 00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,761 and inherit the Crackenthorpe fortune. 453 00:30:16,847 --> 00:30:18,804 Why did you have to tell us how it ended? 454 00:30:18,887 --> 00:30:21,196 There's no point in watching it now. 455 00:30:21,287 --> 00:30:23,676 True. Which brings me to my second announcement. 456 00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:25,166 Is Gardeners' World on yet? 457 00:30:25,247 --> 00:30:27,283 Look, you're not getting to this television 458 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:29,005 till I've made my second announcement. 459 00:30:29,087 --> 00:30:30,281 Right! 460 00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:35,041 The gala re-launch of St Jude's hospital radio 461 00:30:35,127 --> 00:30:38,756 will take place tomorrow night at 7:00 pm. 462 00:30:38,847 --> 00:30:40,644 We want Gardeners' World. 463 00:30:40,727 --> 00:30:43,082 With the very first of our radio request shows, 464 00:30:43,167 --> 00:30:45,203 in which our very own Ready Eddie 465 00:30:45,287 --> 00:30:49,485 will play your requests and dedications live and on the air. 466 00:30:49,567 --> 00:30:55,836 So, are you ready to request? Then ready, Eddie, go! 467 00:30:56,607 --> 00:31:00,600 Do you mean, if I make a request, you'll play it on the radio? 468 00:31:01,047 --> 00:31:02,276 CAMPBELL: The hospital radio. 469 00:31:02,367 --> 00:31:04,676 Which means about three folk'll hear it. 470 00:31:04,767 --> 00:31:07,679 Have you got I'm In The Mood For Love? 471 00:31:09,727 --> 00:31:10,921 Uh, no. 472 00:31:11,167 --> 00:31:12,839 But I've got In The Mood by Glenn Miller. 473 00:31:12,927 --> 00:31:14,486 Would you like us to play it for you? 474 00:31:14,567 --> 00:31:16,046 I've never heard it. 475 00:31:16,127 --> 00:31:18,766 What about Take My Breath Away, have you got that? 476 00:31:18,967 --> 00:31:19,957 Um... 477 00:31:20,967 --> 00:31:23,606 CAMPBELL : Was that released after 1975? 478 00:31:24,447 --> 00:31:25,482 Oh, aye. 479 00:31:26,287 --> 00:31:28,881 -CAMPBELL: Then no, but... -Oh! 480 00:31:28,967 --> 00:31:31,402 Well, I mean, we haven't got every record ever released. 481 00:31:31,487 --> 00:31:33,523 We want Gardeners' World. 482 00:31:33,607 --> 00:31:39,796 You wouldnae have My Way by big Frank on that list of yours, would you? 483 00:31:40,407 --> 00:31:43,877 Sold! Give that man a pen and have him step this way. 484 00:31:47,127 --> 00:31:49,004 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 485 00:31:55,407 --> 00:31:56,601 (TURNS VOLUME UP) 486 00:31:58,447 --> 00:31:59,926 (SPEAKS GIBBERISH) 487 00:32:02,967 --> 00:32:04,799 Is that you, Nana? 488 00:32:06,327 --> 00:32:08,045 Is that you as a wee'un? 489 00:32:08,527 --> 00:32:11,883 No. No, couldn't be. The photo's too recent. 490 00:32:13,567 --> 00:32:15,524 That's not your wee kiddy, is it? 491 00:32:24,287 --> 00:32:25,846 (LAUGHING) 492 00:32:31,767 --> 00:32:33,838 We're starting up a request show, Nana. 493 00:32:35,847 --> 00:32:36,996 Music. 494 00:32:40,287 --> 00:32:43,120 Do you want me to play Hey Jude for you? 495 00:32:43,967 --> 00:32:45,764 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 496 00:32:49,687 --> 00:32:52,201 Where's the rest of your life, Nana? 497 00:32:58,207 --> 00:32:59,879 Ta-da! 498 00:33:04,407 --> 00:33:06,079 This is amazing! 499 00:33:07,887 --> 00:33:09,525 You did this all yourself? 500 00:33:09,607 --> 00:33:12,201 -Well, nearly. -I helped him. 501 00:33:12,607 --> 00:33:14,882 Oh, I'm Rosalie, by the way. 502 00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:18,399 Much as I hate to take advantage of someone's illness, but she did insist. 503 00:33:18,487 --> 00:33:20,444 I'm compulsive, you see. 504 00:33:20,527 --> 00:33:22,518 We've sorted out all the donated records, by the way. 505 00:33:22,607 --> 00:33:24,837 I filed them alphabetically and catalogued them 506 00:33:24,927 --> 00:33:28,807 according to period, artist and song, except for this pile here, 507 00:33:28,887 --> 00:33:31,799 which we've left for you, because I wasn't sure how to cat ego rise them. 508 00:33:31,887 --> 00:33:33,764 Look! The lead on this speaker is long enough 509 00:33:33,847 --> 00:33:35,326 so we can put it in the corridor tomorrow night, 510 00:33:35,407 --> 00:33:36,920 and attract a wee bit of attention. 511 00:33:37,007 --> 00:33:38,361 And I've written about half a dozen jingles 512 00:33:38,447 --> 00:33:41,200 which we can record later on if you want. 513 00:33:41,327 --> 00:33:44,842 # Hospital radio, St Jude's 514 00:33:44,927 --> 00:33:49,000 # Mouldin' golden oldies, da-da, da-da 515 00:33:49,087 --> 00:33:52,716 # Ready Eddie's road show Ready, Eddie, go! # 516 00:33:55,447 --> 00:33:57,836 -You did all this in one day? -Aye! 517 00:33:57,927 --> 00:34:00,157 Don't you wish you were manic? 518 00:34:01,407 --> 00:34:04,046 Look, I've got to go to work now. 519 00:34:11,527 --> 00:34:14,678 EDDIE: Campbell, have you ever noticed, does Nana ever get any visitors? 520 00:34:14,767 --> 00:34:16,041 Nana? No. 521 00:34:16,647 --> 00:34:18,479 She's off to the twilight zone next week, so I hear. 522 00:34:18,567 --> 00:34:19,921 -The what? -You know... 523 00:34:20,007 --> 00:34:21,327 (HUMMING TWILIGHT ZONE THEME) 524 00:34:21,407 --> 00:34:26,766 Ward 3. Only two ways outta there. In a box or in a box. 525 00:34:27,687 --> 00:34:29,041 She showed me some photos tonight. 526 00:34:29,127 --> 00:34:31,846 Her daughter, I think, and some other folk. 527 00:34:31,927 --> 00:34:33,360 I mean, where are they? 528 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,199 It's not her fault she's gone loop de loop. 529 00:34:35,287 --> 00:34:37,198 -Oh, she's no loony. -What do you mean? 530 00:34:37,287 --> 00:34:39,926 Well, she's a laugh! She talks to you. 531 00:34:40,047 --> 00:34:42,402 I mean, it's not like she's talking to wee blue men from Venus. 532 00:34:42,487 --> 00:34:44,000 Although some of my best friends have been known to talk 533 00:34:44,087 --> 00:34:45,839 to wee blue men from Venus. 534 00:34:45,967 --> 00:34:47,878 Nana's as sane as I am. 535 00:34:48,327 --> 00:34:51,956 Well, I wouldn't use those exact words in court, Campbell. 536 00:34:54,287 --> 00:34:55,766 (HUMMING TWILIGHT ZONE THEME) 537 00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:13,960 FRANCINE: Scary, is it, no? 538 00:35:14,847 --> 00:35:15,882 Aye. 539 00:35:18,687 --> 00:35:21,679 -You all right? -How would I not be all right? 540 00:35:22,647 --> 00:35:24,001 Don't know. 541 00:35:26,847 --> 00:35:28,519 You're a patient here? 542 00:35:28,607 --> 00:35:31,804 Nah, I'm the new Minister of Health for Scotland. 543 00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,685 What's your name? 544 00:35:36,327 --> 00:35:37,601 Francine. 545 00:35:39,407 --> 00:35:41,398 So you're the new DJ, eh? 546 00:35:42,487 --> 00:35:43,807 That's me. 547 00:35:45,207 --> 00:35:48,279 We're starting up a request show with the patients. 548 00:35:48,367 --> 00:35:51,678 You want to request something, I'll play it for you. 549 00:35:52,767 --> 00:35:54,166 What about Help? 550 00:35:54,647 --> 00:35:56,080 (LAUGHS) 551 00:35:57,047 --> 00:35:59,277 -I don't think I've got that one. -Doesn't matter. 552 00:35:59,367 --> 00:36:01,278 No. It's stupid. I should have that one. 553 00:36:01,367 --> 00:36:04,405 -Doesn't matter. -What did you do that for? 554 00:36:04,487 --> 00:36:06,956 -I was putting out my cigarette. -On your arm? 555 00:36:07,047 --> 00:36:09,118 I couldnae find an ashtray. 556 00:36:33,407 --> 00:36:36,001 McKenna, I thought that was you. 557 00:36:36,527 --> 00:36:37,676 Mr Griffin. 558 00:36:37,767 --> 00:36:40,406 You're wasting your time here, aren't you, McKenna? 559 00:36:40,487 --> 00:36:43,877 This is not a replacement window friendly area, McKenna. 560 00:36:43,967 --> 00:36:46,436 Look at the houses. They are all brand new. 561 00:36:46,527 --> 00:36:47,881 Good point. 562 00:36:48,207 --> 00:36:49,959 Now tell me what's happening with the Wyatts. 563 00:36:50,047 --> 00:36:53,881 -I haven't been able to get there yet. -They've been busy, I suppose. 564 00:36:53,967 --> 00:36:57,847 -McKenna, busy is not a word... -In a salesman's vocabulary. 565 00:36:57,927 --> 00:36:59,042 Exactly. 566 00:36:59,127 --> 00:37:01,038 "Busy" is when your customer thinks 567 00:37:01,127 --> 00:37:03,163 there are more important things in his life 568 00:37:03,247 --> 00:37:05,318 than installing replacement windows. 569 00:37:05,407 --> 00:37:08,319 But there isn't. And it's your job to point that out to him. 570 00:37:08,407 --> 00:37:09,806 Aye, Mr Griffin. 571 00:37:09,887 --> 00:37:12,686 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, McKenna. 572 00:37:12,767 --> 00:37:15,042 And you know what kind of dog you have to be? 573 00:37:15,127 --> 00:37:16,321 A terrier, sir. 574 00:37:16,407 --> 00:37:18,876 A dog who sells windows, McKenna. 575 00:37:20,247 --> 00:37:21,646 Good lad. 576 00:37:23,767 --> 00:37:25,724 (FANFARE PLAYING) 577 00:37:25,807 --> 00:37:28,276 Good evening! This is Ready Eddie. 578 00:37:28,367 --> 00:37:30,961 And on my left is my right-hand man... 579 00:37:31,047 --> 00:37:32,162 Campbell Bain. 580 00:37:32,247 --> 00:37:34,716 And you're listening to the first ever 581 00:37:34,807 --> 00:37:39,517 Ready Eddie Radio Request Road Show! 582 00:37:39,607 --> 00:37:43,646 # Ready Eddie's road show Ready, Eddie, go # 583 00:37:43,727 --> 00:37:45,286 That's right. This is the premiere. This is the first. 584 00:37:45,367 --> 00:37:48,166 And you can tell everyone that you were there. You heard it! You saw it! 585 00:37:48,247 --> 00:37:50,283 And they'll tell you, it's all part of your illness. 586 00:37:50,367 --> 00:37:52,676 We're playing requests from Ward 11 this evening. 587 00:37:52,767 --> 00:37:54,803 The first one is for Francine. 588 00:37:54,887 --> 00:37:56,684 I hope you're listening, Francine. 589 00:37:56,767 --> 00:37:59,566 -I hope anybody's listening. -Is anyone listening? 590 00:37:59,647 --> 00:38:01,319 Is anybody out there? 591 00:38:01,407 --> 00:38:02,442 (HELP! PLAYING ON RADIO) 592 00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:20,116 What's wrong with the telly? 593 00:38:35,487 --> 00:38:38,399 -What's the matter with it? -I don't know. 594 00:38:49,087 --> 00:38:52,079 The television's broken, Eddie! There is a God! 595 00:39:47,127 --> 00:39:48,162 (MUSIC STOPS) 596 00:39:48,247 --> 00:39:49,999 (ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY) 597 00:39:53,007 --> 00:39:55,043 -What's wrong? -The mixing desk. 598 00:39:55,127 --> 00:39:56,879 -Do something! -What can I do? 599 00:39:56,967 --> 00:39:59,242 I can't even turn on the bathroom light without shocking myself. 600 00:39:59,327 --> 00:40:01,284 CAMPBELL: Well, check the plug. Maybe it's the fuse. 601 00:40:02,327 --> 00:40:03,806 -It's not the fuse. -I cannae believe this. 602 00:40:03,887 --> 00:40:07,323 I've just had the world's shortest career as a disc jockey. 603 00:40:08,047 --> 00:40:09,879 -Fergus, what are you doing? -I'll just have a look. 604 00:40:09,967 --> 00:40:11,287 No, don't! 605 00:40:11,687 --> 00:40:13,837 -Don't have a look there. -I think he'll blow it up. 606 00:40:13,927 --> 00:40:15,963 Fergus, I'm asking you. Please leave it alone. 607 00:40:16,047 --> 00:40:17,719 -He's gonna blow it up. -CAMPBELL: He's not. 608 00:40:17,807 --> 00:40:19,604 -I think I know what the problem is. -For God's sake... 609 00:40:19,687 --> 00:40:20,881 He's blowing it up! 610 00:40:20,967 --> 00:40:23,356 ALL: Fergus, Fergus, Fergus, Fergus... 611 00:40:23,447 --> 00:40:24,801 Fergus, don't, okay? 612 00:40:24,887 --> 00:40:25,956 Fergus! 613 00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:28,083 Just leave it alone. It's all we've got. 614 00:40:28,167 --> 00:40:31,557 Fergus! Fergus! Fergus! Fergus! 615 00:40:34,687 --> 00:40:36,280 He's not causing trouble, is he? 616 00:40:36,367 --> 00:40:38,358 (STATIC BUZZING ON RADIO) 617 00:40:40,487 --> 00:40:43,957 No, he's just helping me get the mixing desk going again. 618 00:40:44,047 --> 00:40:46,516 Him? He couldn't get his brain going again. 619 00:40:46,607 --> 00:40:48,245 Leave it, Stuart. 620 00:40:49,007 --> 00:40:50,486 It's all over. 621 00:41:09,567 --> 00:41:11,524 You're a genius, Fergus. 622 00:41:12,607 --> 00:41:14,200 You're a genius! 623 00:41:15,727 --> 00:41:17,399 Sorry about the technical problems, folks. 624 00:41:17,487 --> 00:41:19,284 We are now back on the air and we hope to keep it that way. 625 00:41:19,367 --> 00:41:23,440 Our next request is for Simon and is dedicated to his girlfriend, Jennifer. 626 00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:25,319 (IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME BY NOW PLAYING) 627 00:41:43,127 --> 00:41:45,801 Your number 3 and number 5 channels are U.S., by the way. 628 00:41:45,887 --> 00:41:48,720 And some of the contacts need re-soldering. 629 00:41:49,167 --> 00:41:51,158 It really needs an overhaul. 630 00:41:53,047 --> 00:41:54,958 How did you learn to do all that, by the way? 631 00:41:55,047 --> 00:41:57,686 Used to be my job. Electrical engineer. 632 00:41:57,767 --> 00:41:59,041 Used to? 633 00:41:59,127 --> 00:42:01,357 Well, nobody wants to hire a loony. 634 00:42:02,207 --> 00:42:04,164 Might do something weird. 635 00:42:04,247 --> 00:42:06,716 Aye. Well, I'm sorry about that. 636 00:42:07,407 --> 00:42:08,681 Doesn't matter. 637 00:42:08,767 --> 00:42:11,759 I'll get some parts and the soldering iron tomorrow. 638 00:42:11,847 --> 00:42:13,326 Have to go in to Glasgow for that. 639 00:42:13,407 --> 00:42:15,125 -You escaping? -Mmm-hmm. 640 00:42:15,207 --> 00:42:18,040 -Wanna tell me how you're gonna do it? -No. 641 00:42:21,687 --> 00:42:24,042 Why do you have to do that all the time? 642 00:42:24,127 --> 00:42:25,924 -Do what? -Escape. 643 00:42:26,887 --> 00:42:28,036 I get bored. 644 00:42:28,127 --> 00:42:31,278 -But you come back. -I have to come back, I'm sectioned. 645 00:42:31,367 --> 00:42:32,687 Sectioned? 646 00:42:32,847 --> 00:42:35,805 Detained under Section 26 of the Scottish Mental Health Act. 647 00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:38,083 A danger to myself, or others. 648 00:42:38,167 --> 00:42:39,282 How? 649 00:42:40,887 --> 00:42:42,366 I hear voices. 650 00:42:44,047 --> 00:42:45,526 How do you mean? 651 00:42:45,607 --> 00:42:46,961 In here. 652 00:42:47,927 --> 00:42:49,918 Calling me a stupid bastard. 653 00:42:50,007 --> 00:42:52,043 Well, I'm always calling myself a stupid bastard. 654 00:42:52,127 --> 00:42:53,162 Well, don't tell them that. 655 00:42:53,247 --> 00:42:54,282 (LAUGHING) 656 00:42:57,647 --> 00:42:59,956 Oh, I suppose I'll need to put this back. 657 00:43:00,047 --> 00:43:01,560 Where did you get that from? 658 00:43:01,647 --> 00:43:03,956 From the back of the television. 659 00:43:05,687 --> 00:43:08,838 You're a sleek it wee bastard. Do you know that, Fergus? 660 00:43:12,167 --> 00:43:13,999 You coming for the cocoa? 661 00:43:14,887 --> 00:43:18,118 No. I'm gonna try and finish sorting through these. 662 00:43:18,207 --> 00:43:21,996 The Around the World series, volume 16. Music from the Baltics. 663 00:43:22,087 --> 00:43:25,637 Aye. Fergus, if we ever find ourselves wondering what they play 664 00:43:25,727 --> 00:43:28,799 on Baltic Top of the Pops, we need wonder no more. 665 00:43:28,887 --> 00:43:32,323 I can just hear Lithuania's John Peel announcing. 666 00:43:32,407 --> 00:43:35,524 At number 4, we've got Kuldrannake. 667 00:43:35,607 --> 00:43:39,885 In at number 3, it's Ant kalno murai. 668 00:43:40,247 --> 00:43:44,878 Straight in at number 2, Kui Kungla rahvas kuldsel aal. 669 00:43:45,407 --> 00:43:48,160 But this week again, the number one single is... 670 00:43:48,447 --> 00:43:50,165 Kamolindeja. 671 00:43:53,527 --> 00:43:55,199 Kamolindeja. 672 00:43:58,407 --> 00:44:00,318 Kamolindeya. 673 00:44:03,647 --> 00:44:05,206 Jesus God, Fergus! 674 00:44:20,727 --> 00:44:22,001 Grandma! 675 00:44:22,927 --> 00:44:24,076 You're late! 676 00:44:24,207 --> 00:44:27,677 -Grandma, I need to ask you something. -You eat first. Then you ask. 677 00:44:27,767 --> 00:44:29,599 Grandma, I came across this record tonight. 678 00:44:29,687 --> 00:44:30,802 Sit. 679 00:44:33,207 --> 00:44:36,358 Does the word Kamolindeja mean anything to you? 680 00:44:36,447 --> 00:44:38,404 Don't be stupid. 681 00:44:39,367 --> 00:44:41,438 -Doesn't it? -Of course not. 682 00:44:41,727 --> 00:44:43,320 That is Latvian. 683 00:44:47,247 --> 00:44:48,806 Oh, Jesus! 684 00:44:58,567 --> 00:45:00,717 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 685 00:45:01,527 --> 00:45:03,836 (BOTH SPEAK LATVIAN) 686 00:45:14,887 --> 00:45:16,923 It's a dance she used to do. 687 00:45:17,007 --> 00:45:19,760 Kamolindeja means the bobbin dance, you see. 688 00:45:27,127 --> 00:45:29,323 We're going to discharge her. 689 00:45:29,567 --> 00:45:30,887 How did this happen? 690 00:45:30,967 --> 00:45:32,799 She just never learnt to speak English. 691 00:45:32,887 --> 00:45:35,845 She came here as a refugee and her daughter always did the talking for her. 692 00:45:35,927 --> 00:45:38,680 -But she... -But she died. Two years ago. 693 00:45:40,967 --> 00:45:42,958 She was speaking Latvian. 694 00:45:44,327 --> 00:45:46,363 We just didnae understand. 695 00:45:56,847 --> 00:46:00,158 -Good evening, Mr Wyatt. -What are you doing here? 696 00:46:00,647 --> 00:46:03,844 I've come to see if you made your minds up about your windows. 697 00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:06,043 We expected you ages ago. 698 00:46:06,327 --> 00:46:10,161 Well, I had to draw up these contracts. It takes time to draw up contracts. 699 00:46:10,247 --> 00:46:14,445 The man from Rockfield took no time at all to draw up the contract. 700 00:46:14,527 --> 00:46:16,802 They start work on Wednesday. 701 00:46:17,487 --> 00:46:19,284 I'm sorry about that. 702 00:46:19,607 --> 00:46:21,598 But business is business. 703 00:46:25,607 --> 00:46:26,676 Aye. 704 00:46:29,927 --> 00:46:31,326 WOMAN: No sale, eh? 705 00:46:32,207 --> 00:46:33,322 No. 706 00:46:34,807 --> 00:46:37,242 Don't forget your pay packet, by the way. 707 00:46:37,327 --> 00:46:41,081 Not that what he pays you can reasonably be called a pay packet. 708 00:46:41,167 --> 00:46:43,158 I'll get a sale tomorrow. 709 00:47:21,407 --> 00:47:22,522 Nana? 710 00:47:24,247 --> 00:47:25,237 Ah! 711 00:47:25,887 --> 00:47:27,684 (SPEAKING IN LATVIAN) 712 00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:37,686 Whatever you said. 713 00:47:52,567 --> 00:47:53,557 Ah! 714 00:47:53,647 --> 00:47:55,399 (NANA LAUGHING) 715 00:47:56,807 --> 00:47:58,559 Kamolindeja. 716 00:48:04,967 --> 00:48:06,605 Kamolindeja.